Can anyone relate?

[FnG]magnolia · 11 May 2012 at 23:36

sparky05084 said:
[Fng]magnolia. Cheers for the compliment. I try to be as honest as I can and I have obviously put across how I feel and my predicament rather well.

Yes, your exactly right and I agree that I must take responsibility for my social life if I wish to change my current circumstances. However, I have done all of the above and it's getting rather tedious now.

This is the bit you need to change. Yes, you're putting effort in and not getting a hell of a lot back right now but if you stop then you will get nothing back at all. That's not what you want. Stick with it, make that extra effort, go to those events or things that you maybe wouldn't normally go to, stretch yourself.

One spark is all it requires but it seems almost impossible to achieve. I look for the best in people and try not to beat myself up over rejection or be bitter but that is easier said than done. I think the fear of rejection and not being socially accepted is the biggest issue here and is one tough nut to crack.

Have you spoken to anyone about this? I'm not giving medical advice but have you considered talking to someone who may be able to offer professional advice?

Mitzy said:
No offence but you need to man up, all this "I feel like no one....." gets you nowhere, nothing will change, you won't feel better by getting different opinions and frankly you won't care what anyone else says anyway.

The truth is you know you can make more of an effort to be more social, no one else can do it for you.

Be what you want to be and be happy at it.

I wouldn't have worded it like this but he may have a point.

The Halk · 11 May 2012 at 23:39

I wonder if it's more difficult to make it happen when you're trying to.

Would a suggestion be to try and do activities through the week that you would like to do, and not worry about trying to directly make friends and see what happens?

Perhaps join a pool league - perhaps teams are looking for players? Take on a night school course that would give you some enjoyment?

Something along those lines? - And ignore the Kwerk thread trolling you. Sigh.

Ahleckz · 11 May 2012 at 23:40

Metalface Mark said:
Goto a few OCUK or forum meets and you will soon meet new mates that you have things in common with, most of my best mates these days are people ive met over the years from various online things going back ten years or so.

No one at the Glasgow meet asked to see me again. *Hangs himself*.

The Halk · 11 May 2012 at 23:41

Ahleckz said:
No one at the Glasgow meet asked to see me again. *Hangs himself*.

I think they're scared of what a "meat meet" might be

Rich_L · 11 May 2012 at 23:44

Have you tried a rugby club? You don't even have to play but go watch a few games, the spectators are far less nobbers than you get at football matches and in my experience the social aspect is much better too. Worth a try!

Plus I lol'd

One spark is all it requires

I'm a fully qualified Electrician and a good one at that

Arf arf

sparky05084 · 11 May 2012 at 23:52

Indeed I may be "trying" too hard. I will look at some local clubs etc in my area and see what's on offer.

Comparing my life to others is also something that I am going to have to nip in the bud as this must stop. It only makes me feel worse.

Thanks for the suggestions.

Zefan · 11 May 2012 at 23:52

platinum87 said:
Trying to talk to me in public is like talking to a brick wall that can walk away from you.

You are a complete gem.

NEVER CHANGE.

James_N · 11 May 2012 at 23:54

Ahleckz said:
Just get involved in something that you enjoy and make the effort.

I've tried this, however I don't have too many interests. I like the odd beer. However, as all my friends are busy either working or with their ladies, I pretty much drink at home now, not a big drinker, just a few every now and then.

I like playing pool / snooker and do have a local Riley's, but would probably look a saddo playing these on my own!

Aside from this, I wouldn't do any good in a Gym, I cant swim, shift work is a ball ache etc. I'm as stuck in a rut as the OP :/

cm1179 · 11 May 2012 at 23:55

go down the pub and mingle

do any of your friends other halves have friends they can introduce you to?

The Halk · 11 May 2012 at 23:55

James_N said:
I like playing pool / snooker and do have a local Riley's, but would probably look a saddo playing these on my own!

I did suggest up there that pool league teams would be looking for players fairly often. Can't see how that would be a bad thing to try?

Mitzy · 11 May 2012 at 23:58

James_N said:
I've tried this, however I don't have too many interests. I like the odd beer. However, as all my friends are busy either working or with their ladies, I pretty much drink at home now, not a big drinker, just a few every now and then.

I like playing pool / snooker and do have a local Riley's, but would probably look a saddo playing these on my own!

Aside from this, I wouldn't do any good in a Gym, I cant swim, shift work is a ball ache etc. I'm as stuck in a rut as the OP :/

It's not nice but every single grown adult has ended up feeling like OP and you, deal with it and crack on, it's all you can do.

Take solace knowing this is the nature of the game (at times).

James_N · 11 May 2012 at 23:58

cm1179 said:
do any of your friends other halves have friends they can introduce you to?

Not really. Not that it should matter but having CP puts a lot of people off I guess!

/edit

Mitzy said:
It's not nice but every single grown adult has ended up feeling like OP and you, deal with it and crack on, it's all you can do.

Take solace knowing this is the nature of the game (at times).

Very true. **** Happens I guess. Hopefully when i'm rid of these nights and back into the land of the living, I might feel a bit better!

Single life does have its advantages. so many people at work bitch and moan about their other halves, and you sometimes wonder if the hassle is worth it, but cant help thinking it would be fun to give it a try!

Ahleckz · 12 May 2012 at 00:05

James_N said:
I've tried this, however I don't have too many interests. I like the odd beer. However, as all my friends are busy either working or with their ladies, I pretty much drink at home now, not a big drinker, just a few every now and then.

I like playing pool / snooker and do have a local Riley's, but would probably look a saddo playing these on my own!

Aside from this, I wouldn't do any good in a Gym, I cant swim, shift work is a ball ache etc. I'm as stuck in a rut as the OP :/

There'll probably be a whisky society, or CAMRA club in your city? They'll have tasting nights, social nights, quiz nights, whatever. Just get down and see what happens. Yea, you're not going to make a friend on the first night but keep going and just chat to people and ask what they are doing that weekend and I'm sure you'll end up with someone.

Do you drive? Maybe worth checking out an owners club, or even just checking out Pistonheads' forum to see if they have an event coming up. Just need to get yourself out there!

cm1179 · 12 May 2012 at 00:08

James_N said:
Not really. Not that it should matter but having CP puts a lot of people off I guess!

without coming across as awful here, have you thought about contacting people with similar conditions?

i'm not for one second suggesting you may find it difficult to integrate into society but maybe you are fearful of it?

i don't want to sound discriminative here but i watched a programme a few weeks ago called 'the undateables' (tongue in cheek title) and it really was good and a real eye opener. it was about numerous people, from all walks of life, each of all had a problem, be it physical or mental and had found it difficult to find companionship. at first, i thought it was a bit archaic but it was, infact, quite the opposite as i didn't realise just how difficult it was for the people. they had all joined a website, specifically designed for people with certain issues in life that caused them problems (such as yours) and the experience of meeting others through this method was envigerating.

it may be worth looking into and could be a real confindence booster and way to meet new people. heck, even people without problems such as yourself struggle.

i truely hope i haven't come across in the wrong way as i do genuinely get a little bit upset when people can't access a basic normal right (imo) which is acceptance and integration into society because of fear and how they feel others may feel about them.

The Halk · 12 May 2012 at 00:10

James_N said:
Single life does have its advantages. so many people at work bitch and moan about their other halves, and you sometimes wonder if the hassle is worth it, but cant help thinking it would be fun to give it a try!

I've been more or less single for a very long time. It gets to the point sometimes that I think I'm convincing myself I should be in a relationship just because everybody expects everyone else to be.

I think it just comes down to the human condition. We'll never be satisfied with what we have, the alternatives will always appeal. Realistically I don't think I could ever live with someone, I'd certainly be far far less happy than I am now. However it doesn't stop me from time to time thinking about it. I'm quite certain there's a great deal of people in home sharing relationships who think about how nice it would be not to be in one.

Jonny ///M · 12 May 2012 at 00:11

Ahleckz said:
No one at the Glasgow meet asked to see me again. *Hangs himself*.

You were the life and soul of the party that night!

I'm sat in on a Friday night....literally one mate of mine is online. I have a few mates that I can call up and hang about with but really I'm happy just messing about myself on my bike,with the car or sat in the house. What I would consider my best mate I haven't spoken to in two months as I feel I'm heading down a different path from him.

I work full time,have a woman in my life,spend a day off with the woman and the other doing my own things/seeing family/hung over. He seems to not take responsibility for his own life.

TLDR; I'll be the same when I'm 28

James_N · 12 May 2012 at 00:16

Ahleckz said:
Do you drive? Maybe worth checking out an owners club, or even just checking out Pistonheads' forum to see if they have an event coming up. Just need to get yourself out there!

Yep

Big petrolhead. Been on PH for years. Been to a few events, and always go to le mans / le mans classic. Met some good people at these events. Always meet up with the same people at LM every year for a few beers and a laugh. LM is great and a highlight of my year, but as always, I cant walk big distances, so although LM is a massive challenge for me in terms of walking / hot weather, I still look forward to it

cm1179 said:
without coming across as awful here, have you thought about contacting people with similar conditions?

i'm not for one second suggesting you may find it difficult to integrate into society but maybe you are fearful of it?

i don't want to sound discriminative here but i watched a programme a few weeks ago called 'the undateables' (tongue in cheek title) and it really was good and a real eye opener. it was about numerous people, from all walks of life, each of all had a problem, be it physical or mental and had found it difficult to find companionship. at first, i thought it was a bit archaic but it was, infact, quite the opposite as i didn't realise just how difficult it was for the people. they had all joined a website, specifically designed for people with certain issues in life that caused them problems (such as yours) and the experience of meeting others through this method was envigerating.

it may be worth looking into and could be a real confindence booster and way to meet new people. heck, even people without problems such as yourself struggle.

i truely hope i haven't come across in the wrong way as i do genuinely get a little bit upset when people can't access a basic normal right (imo) which is acceptance and integration into society because of fear and how they feel others may feel about them.

Genuinely good post. Thanks for that. I wouldn't say I struggle to integrate into society but I was bullied a lot in school, and people do tend to stare or look at me when I'm out and about in a "WTF" kind of way, but I'm used to that now, it doesn't really bother me, and my friends say they don't notice my disability.

I did join a few disabled dating sites and messaged quite a few ladies, just for a general chat, to see how they get on day to day and how their disability affects them. Didn't get one single reply! Nice!

The Halk said:
I've been more or less single for a very long time. It gets to the point sometimes that I think I'm convincing myself I should be in a relationship just because everybody expects everyone else to be.

Again, I sometimes think this. I have a work mate who is just going through a divorce with her hubbie. Kids involved, and it all got a bit messy. Not sure i'd want to go through that sort of hassle, but at the same time, still being single at 28 is a bore!

Thanks for the posts folks, Very helpful

/sorry if i hijacked your thread sparky!

[FnG]magnolia · 12 May 2012 at 00:51

Ok, let's do this.

OP, list your 5 worst and 5 best traits.

Windle · 12 May 2012 at 01:52

Ahleckz said:
No one at the Glasgow meet asked to see me again. *Hangs himself*.

One night was ample

Bennie-Mac · 12 May 2012 at 02:38

Ahleckz said:
No one at the Glasgow meet asked to see me again. *Hangs himself*.

I'll be in Glasgow on the 22nd with my girlfriend for a couple of days, meet me in the lobby of the CitizenM hotel on Renfrew street for cocktails and maybe more. The rooms have free adult movies