How would you feel about the following situation?

krooton

krooton

krooton

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A friend of mine told me that his sister cheated on her husband a about a year ago.

She had a 2 months fling with a work colleague behind his back, but ended it. 8 months later she and her husband are expecting their first child (husband is the daddy).

The couple had been together for 11 years, and married for 4 when the affair happened.

Now the sister regrets it heavily, but obviously the husband is none the wiser, and everything is on track for the picture postcard family life moving forward.

If the sister was never to be unfaithful ever again, would the husband being oblivious to this be for the greater good?

It's an interesting moral dilemma, and I'm not sure what side of the fence I sit on.

Greater good is him never knowing and them just living their lives, as it can be understood how people that have been together since they were 20 might slip and fall foul of some lustful situation. My logical side sits here.

But then my emotional side gets caught up in the principle of the thing. I would be devastated to find something like this out, but demands the truth at the same time.

What say you, oh mighty and judgmental OCUK?
 
Well if i were the husband, ignorance is indeed bliss.

She has changed, water under the bridge. It would only be an issue is she were still at it.

If it brings into question that he is father to the child, you should steal a lock of all parties hair and write to the Jeremy Kyle show for dna proof.
 
I dunno it's a hard one.

Who has the right to dictate what information that guy knows about his partner being the key stumbling block from my perspective.

While we may think "he's better off not knowing" - that may be true, but who is anybody to make that decision on somebody else's behalf?.

It get's more complicated when you bring the kid into the scenario.
 
Now I'm not the wisest person here.. I mean, I'm 18 myself so I can't say I've got much knowledge on this.

But here is my 2 cents:
The husband deserves to know. If he doesn't forgive her then that's that, but if he does then he will lose trust in her, she will have to gain it back.

So that may sound like it's a lose-lose. But if I was in his position I'd rather know. The poor guy is going day to day thinking that she would never do anything like that to him but they has broken his trust, that hurts. Putting off telling him for even longer makes the pain worse when he does eventually find out.




[/Naive point of view based on feelings]
 
Obviously this is on a much larger scale, but it can be likened to guys and their secret fapping.

Few gfs are ok with the idea of a guy getting his rocks off to pron if they are with her, but some guys need to even in the midst of a very sexually healthy relationship (something to do with sow-your-oats far and wide instinct some guys have).

His secret fapping harms no-0ne, but would cause issues if she found out, so it is an acceptable white lie, non?
 
Glaucus said:
Simple, who's your loyalty lay with, or if neither then who cares.
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I've only met them twice, and harbour no feelings for them, just though it was an interesting moral situation. It's my friend who is annoyed by the situation, as his loyalty lies with his sister, but he is furious at her for having done it, lol.
 
Are girlfriends bothered about fapping?

I haven't had one that was bothered by it, it's a natural thing for guys to do, that's how I and all the girls I've ever been with have seen it :/

So for me comparing these 2 situations, they are nothing alike. From my perspective anyway.
 
krooton said:
Obviously this is on a much larger scale, but it can be likened to guys and their secret fapping.

Few gfs are ok with the idea of a guy getting his rocks off to pron if they are with her, but some guys need to even in the midst of a very sexually healthy relationship (something to do with sow-your-oats far and wide instinct some guys have).

His secret fapping harms no-0ne, but would cause issues if she found out, so it is an acceptable white lie, non?
Click to expand...

I like the way you put that.. aha.

I'm the kind of person who believes in the truth is always best, no matter what the consequence. If someone asks me my opinion I give it, I don't sweeten it up.

I do believe though, that cheating is the worst thing you could do to someone. Emotionally at least, obviously murdering them is much worse. So I don't suppose it's in the same league or should be dealt with in the same way.
 
krooton said:
I've only met them twice, and harbour no feelings for them, just though it was an interesting moral situation. It's my friend who is annoyed by the situation, as his loyalty lies with his sister, but he is furious at her for having done it, lol.
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Then in my mind and what I've done in the past. You stay out of it and your friend sides with his sister, that's where his loyalties are. Doesn't mean he can't tell her what he thinks.
 
If it was a one night stand then I wouldn't tell the husband. The fact it was over 2 months makes me wonder if she will stray again.

Maybe the excitement of a baby on the way has papered over the cracks in their relationship? I would tell the husband.
 
I would probably not say anything in this particular situation. If she is indeed sorry and will remain faithful then her punishment is the guilt of the situation hanging over her head.

- GP
 
That's a really difficult one. I really don't know what I'd do. I guess if it was me who she cheated on I'd like to be told if a mate knew.
 
mtrent10202 said:
If it was a one night stand then I wouldn't tell the husband. The fact it was over 2 months makes me wonder if she will stray again.

Maybe the excitement of a baby on the way has papered over the cracks in their relationship? I would tell the husband.
Click to expand...

I think it was to do with them moving abroad for a few years as a work placement and going through a rough patch at the start.
 
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