How would you feel about the following situation?
- Thread starter krooton
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Soldato
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If this dude was my friend - I would tell him. He deserves to know.
What you say reminds me of what was going on in Argentina when I was over there.
In short, during the dictatorship, couples were killed and their children were taken away from them and raised by foster families. In the light of 'public interest', investigations are now being done to reveal the truth about certain individual's history.
So what you ended up with were fully grown men and women being told "sorry, your parents aren't actually your real parents, you aren't related. Oh, and your foster parents murdered your real parents. Our condolences". It's just a bit like... really?! Who on earth would like to be told that! What good can possibly come of it?
I feel like that about the scenario in the OP. With the child on the way, things have clearly changed and telling him would be misplacing 'white knight nobility' above common sense, practical reality and the interest of all parties concerned.
Tell him. Why risk ruining his life - leave it up to him to decide. By not telling him you are deciding for him.
You risk ruining his ignorant bliss if you do tell him, that argument is total swings and roundabouts.
And if he does leave her. Then what. A totally innocent child's life is ruined. Think about the child 'cos in the end, he/she is who matters.
Halk, his/her in my original post referred to the baby.
It comes down to making a decision for him that's his to make. I do understand that ignorance is bliss, but I don't think it's right here. I wouldn't thank a friend if they hid it from me.
I guess you can only presume the guy would not appreciate living a lie for the next however many years until she decides to stray once again....
It's funny how some women (and men too, let's be fair) seem to follow this logic: "I only realised how much I love him after I cheated on him..." w t f ?
That is a type of creature you want to run far away from and never ever have children with if you can prevent it.
If the bloke was a mate, I'd spill the beans. But I'd not poke my nose in if they were a friend of a friend.
It's funny how some women (and men too, let's be fair) seem to follow this logic: "I only realised how much I love him after I cheated on him..." w t f ?
That is a type of creature you want to run far away from and never ever have children with if you can prevent it.
If the bloke was a mate, I'd spill the beans. But I'd not poke my nose in if they were a friend of a friend.
imho nothing good can come of telling him, it will simply strain the relationship and cause doubt in his mind forever more
this is even more poignant considering he is soon to be a father and i think that his feelings are far outweighed by the support he now has to provide his family
this is even more poignant considering he is soon to be a father and i think that his feelings are far outweighed by the support he now has to provide his family
Telling him just lets him choose. Not telling him in case he splits up is a horribly cynical way to treat someone. It's rather offensive to presume to know what's best for someone and to deny them knowledge of something so important, because you think they'll misuse it.
But it's arguably not important as it's no longer going on and is in the past.
It really depends on the individual parties involved, there is no hard and fast rule on this.
My assumption is based on him saying so. If it's not his kid, I'd say it's a decision I would 'encourage' the wife to tell the hubby about. But I'd still go with caution, although I wouldn't like seeing people live a lie, that would great me if they were friends.
It still is going on, she's still not telling him, and he's still in a relationship with someone who cheated on him.
I don't agree that it's arguably not important - he may be able to put it behind them, but it's his choice to make.
I would be furious if a friend held the information from me. It would be up to me to choose, not someone else.
The only hard and fast rule is that if you're not my friend then don't get involved... if you are my friend then I'd consider it vital.
Aside from that to my knowledge nobody has cheated on me without me knowing. I always struggle to understand how it can happen behind someone's back.
Think this is a case of letting sleeping dogs lie. She made a mistake, seemingly regretted it and moved on. It's a horrible thing to happen but with a kid on the way I can't see what good it will do. If it comes out down the line so be it.
I think if they cheat more than once its a safe bet don't you think?
Exactly my thoughts on the matter.
The utter nerve of some, who think they have the right to make those kind of choices for another.
Perhaps he doesn't want to spend his life with a cheat? - if he want's to forgive her that's his choice, but nobody has to the right to make it for him.
People split up, marriages fail all the time - what if he wastes the next 15 years of his life with this person (who then decides to stray again?).
He deserves to make his own choice & move on & find somebody better if that's what he desires.
Think of it this way - if it turned out your partner had a history of child abuse - say beating children in this case (but reformed so no risk now) - don't you think you would like to really know who you are with?.
