Leaving an emotional abuser

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Mitzy said:
Is English your second language?
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No, Is that cause of the grammer and spelling?, i Have dyslexia so my spelling aint all that!, sorry if that is a problem to you.

Delta12 said:
seriously ungrateful bint,


go do the dirty with her sister
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Lol, would love too she is really nice all round!

Delta12 said:
without wanting to sound like a complete git,

some of you guys need to man the fluff up.

learn to be a complete and utter chuffer and put your women in their place,

OP tell your woman that she's an abusive bint and to lay off. if this doesnt work man up and leave her or tell her she's fat.

Tackleberry, yours sounds like a complete and utter fruit loop.

tell work your going away for a lads weekend and you wont be missing,murdered, kidnapped etc explain your missus is a nutter and then go on a bender of a weekend whilst leaving your phone at home.

use the above advice with caution, i accept no responsibility if either of you end up being called John wayne bobbit the second
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Yeah i know chap she is!, love the advice tho :)
 
Some really quite moving descriptions here guys. I really do feel for both of you. Having never gone through anything like this I can't give any direct advice but what about your families/parents etc, particularly Vader? As somebody mentioned earlier in the thread you really need to have some sort of financial stability before you leave I think but in the long run it sounds like it will be best for you. Could you stay with parents/relatives or friends. What ever you do don't keep this to yourself and let it eat away at you. You've got to talk to somebody be it family or friends or see your GP and perhaps ask for a referral to counselling.
 
Sgt Tackleberry said:
hello chap,

I am in the same boat as you, my wife who i have been with for the last 7 years is the same.

She controlls me in every way. I'm police officer and when i'm at work she rings, texts me about 100+ in 8hrs and if i dont answer her within seconds she gets in a strop!, she now rings the non emergency numbers and ask's if im working and if so tell'em to ring her now!. This is getting me in trouble now at work and could cost me my job!...

When i do get home she moans at me for not texting, ringing her back but she don't understand what she is doing!, i've tried to tell her. She dose nothing around the house and i've got to do it all even tho she dont work!, On my days off i spend most of it claring the house up and she just sits there! watching TV!...

When i tried to go out with my work mates for a drink she is always ringing, texting me asking what am i doing, who am i with!. The other day she reported me missing to the police even tho she knew where i was and who i was with!, yet again this is not looking good for me and my job!.

She keeps on telling me its all my fault!, why she is like this, even tho i aint done nothing to her!, she now starting to hit me and mentally abusing me now!.

I cant take it any more now and i'm going to leave her, i'm in the middle of sorting it out with someone to stay with!.. But out of all that i'm still in-love with her but i know i cant be with her any more for my health and mind!.
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Sounds like she's cheated on you, and is feeling guilty.

Monserrat said:
She definitely has a personality disorder which falls under mental health.
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:rolleyes:
 
Monserrat said:
Sgt, being a police officer, you'll know about your local designated 'place of safety'. That's where you can detain someone under the Mental Health Act. If she's interfering with you, your professional life and the police department where you are from, you ought to get one of your officers (not yourself) to turn her in. Sounds like a section 2 to me, possibly leading to a section 3. She definitely has a personality disorder which falls under mental health.
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Not enough there to get her sectioned. Yes she may have a personality disorder but that's no reason to section her. She's not posing a direct threat to herself or the general public.
 
shadow_boxer said:
Not enough there to get her sectioned. Yes she may have a personality disorder but that's no reason to section her. She's not posing a direct threat to herself or the general public.
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That's what I think too...

I think Delvis's advice, while a bit gung-ho might be right - Sergeant Tackleberry needs to deal with the issue head on and sort it out one way or another rather than let it eat away at him forever.
 
This would be so much easier for me if it was not for the kids, my son just woke up with a bad dream and wanted a cuddle from his Daddy how can I not be there for him like that and for my little girl... I so desperately need to leave but feel totally compelled to stay for them, how can it be that she can do this and get away with it while still getting to be with our kids while I get relegated to every other weekend or whatever...

it kills me that I wont get to read my kids a bed time story every night, tuck them in to bed and get to wish them sweet dreams, instead I'll be in some crappy bedsit or 1 bed flat alone driving myself mad with pictures of them
 
Delta12 said:
without wanting to sound like a complete git,

some of you guys need to man the fluff up.

learn to be a complete and utter chuffer and put your women in their place,

OP tell your woman that she's an abusive bint and to lay off. if this doesnt work man up and leave her or tell her she's fat.

Tackleberry, yours sounds like a complete and utter fruit loop.

tell work your going away for a lads weekend and you wont be missing,murdered, kidnapped etc explain your missus is a nutter and then go on a bender of a weekend whilst leaving your phone at home.

use the above advice with caution, i accept no responsibility if either of you end up being called John wayne bobbit the second
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Have to agree with this to be fair, I know I only have the knowledge gleaned from your posts, but both you guys seem to be admitting to being bullied.
Maybe you both are the kind of guys who put women on pedestals, whereas you both should be of the opinion that no woman anywhere is good enough for you, and theres always another to replace them.
You both seriously need to start dishing out their own medicine and then some, and ultimately become the domineering person in the partnership, instead of allowing a girl to do it.

Please stop being walked all over. If they cant handle it, leave them immediately and see how they like that, they will be wholly deserving of it.
 
finga said:
Have to agree with this to be fair, I know I only have the knowledge gleaned from your posts, but both you guys seem to be admitting to being bullied.
Maybe you both are the kind of guys who put women on pedestals, whereas you both should be of the opinion that no woman anywhere is good enough for you, and theres always another to replace them.
You both seriously need to start dishing out their own medicine and then some, and ultimately become the domineering person in the partnership, instead of allowing a girl to do it.

Please stop being walked all over. If they cant handle it, leave them immediately and see how they like that, they will be wholly deserving of it.
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They're in different positions, Vidar seems financially trapped, while Tackleberry is not. It's more difficult for Vidar I think (no offence Tackleberry)

Broadly speaking though I think you're right, they need to assert themselves without coming across as 4 year olds having tantrums. Things won't fix themselves.
 
It took me a long time before i realised that my then wife was an emotional abuser. I only fully realised sometime after the divorce when i read up on it. She has me convinced that everything wrong with the relationship was my fault and i was actually mentally ill, i went to counseling for 2 years and taking anti-depressants. I just had enough and left her, that was 5 years ago now and I'm so very happy with my new gf.
 
Vidar said:
This would be so much easier for me if it was not for the kids, my son just woke up with a bad dream and wanted a cuddle from his Daddy how can I not be there for him like that and for my little girl... I so desperately need to leave but feel totally compelled to stay for them, how can it be that she can do this and get away with it while still getting to be with our kids while I get relegated to every other weekend or whatever...

it kills me that I wont get to read my kids a bed time story every night, tuck them in to bed and get to wish them sweet dreams, instead I'll be in some crappy bedsit or 1 bed flat alone driving myself mad with pictures of them
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This has crossed my mind too chap, but i know in the long run my kids will understand so will yours.
Its going to hurt me too but i will always be there for them and that what counts the most..
 
I really feel for those that are victims of this sort of thing/narcissistic abuse, it's probably one of the hardest things to understand and explain to people. Often they will never really understand until they've experienced it themselves.

Seriously dude, if you're having any trouble processing all this feel free to send me an email. By what you've said there it sounds like you're doing alright understanding the psychology of it, but knowing how this is god knows how you'll feel one day to the next.
 
I cant take it any more now and i'm going to leave her, i'm in the middle of sorting it out with someone to stay with!.. But out of all that i'm still in-love with her but i know i cant be with her any more for my health and mind!.
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Good on you, it'll be for the best. The shock of you moving out may actually help her realise that she needs help. Moving on is always going to be difficult but probably for both of you it's going to be for the best.
 
My only option is to reapply for job seekers allowance, I'm going to speak to the C.A.B as soon as I can hopefully they should shine some light on the matter


Well guys she has done it again, came down to be with me..... kicked off that I was causing ants by leaving my stuff for hours, which I never do in fact I'd just finished eating my pot noodle only minutes ago, then started telling me how I don't consider her in what I do.... hmmmmmmmm did I not skip college just to bring you some lunch? etc etc before yet again storming off upstairs before I could say anything of meaning.... no doubt my pillow will be at the top of stairs waiting for me....
 
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