Leaving an emotional abuser

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I understand completely about the kids, I have my own, and it would wrench my heart out to leave them, but from the sounds of it, neither mrs could cope on their own and would probably want to dump the kids on these guys at any given opportunity.

It could well be that your woman is treating you this way because she has lost all respect for you as a man, or what in her head is deemed as a man, as I think you are being tremendous at taking all this, and your obviously a great father, I would have kicked her out on her backside years ago and threw her belongings at her from an upstairs window so they all broke on the ground
 
Vidar, go and see your GP and counsellor even if it's just for a chat, it really does help. It's such a difficult situation and speaking to as many people as you can face to face is important. You're caught between the proverbial rock and hard place unfortunately, leaving your kids will be unbearably hard but how are you going to cope yourself if this continues. It will only become harder especially when the children get older. You could be a better Dad to them by leaving her, having independence and getting your self-confidence back.
 
My bad on the sectioning advice, sorry. I wrote the post because of the way she's presenting. Sure she may not be a danger to herself or those outside the household but she clearly is a danger to Sgt.

How about a call to the Samaritans?

Sgt - have you kept a diary of the abuse? This should back you up (quoting OcUK threads about noisy neighbours and likewise advice of keeping a diary).
 
She would quit university and take the kids out of daycare before she admitted she needed me which again would be all my fault...

When I was researching domestic emotional abuse it says that often the abuser will open up to the victim (God I hate that word, especially when it defines me) profess about emotional abuse they suffered as a child, which I know she did suffer, and that by opening up they are in fact setting the stage where they can treat you how they want knowing the sorrow you feel for them and their hard life will excuse them of a lot of misdeeds.... I know for a fact that I have excused her behaviour towards me on that basis numerous times but I don't believe she has been that calculating to tell me those things with a long term plan in mind, but then I don't really know her at all
 
The Halk said:
Vidar/Tackleberry do you feel it's helped to vent on here? Does it help to get it all out?
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In a way yes... I don't really have anyone to talk to, a sister in New Zealand who is never online, a friend who has his own life to deal with that I can't keep burdening with this... She made us move to an area where she has lots of family... but other than the kids at college I don't really know anyone as how can you expect 16 to 19 yr old to understand

It's good to know that even people who I have never met physically etc can be some sort of much needed support
 
have you guys said, if they keep on with this, you'll leave..

see what they say.. again with you doing all the work around the house, why not leave it for a few weeks, see what happenes, if she says out, tell her how lazy she is and selfish..

im not sure why you cant turn the table on them, seems like you're too nice a person..

if you're thinking about leaving her, you may as well lay into them as much as they do you..
 
shadow_boxer said:
Vidar, go and see your GP and counsellor even if it's just for a chat, it really does help. It's such a difficult situation and speaking to as many people as you can face to face is important. You're caught between the proverbial rock and hard place unfortunately, leaving your kids will be unbearably hard but how are you going to cope yourself if this continues. It will only become harder especially when the children get older. You could be a better Dad to them by leaving her, having independence and getting your self-confidence back.
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I'd have to agree with this.
 
So sorry to hear both your situations, especially with young children involved.

Vidar if you really are having suicidal thought then you really need to extricate yourself from the situation. It will be hard financially and it will be emotionally distressing but your kids are better off having a father alive, than dead.

You love your children and nothing will ever change that.

Your suggestion of visiting the CAB is a good one but I would also see your GP to see what psychiatric / social services they can offer to someone in your situation.

Apart from that I wish you good luck
 
Monserrat said:
My bad on the sectioning advice, sorry. I wrote the post because of the way she's presenting. Sure she may not be a danger to herself or those outside the household but she clearly is a danger to Sgt.

How about a call to the Samaritans?

Sgt - have you kept a diary of the abuse? This should back you up (quoting OcUK threads about noisy neighbours and likewise advice of keeping a diary).
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In my professional opinion she needs help and i would section her!, but as a husband its different!. I have not been keeping a diary!, like i said eariler she only like this when she is on her own with me!, she not like around the kids!.

The Halk said:
Vidar/Tackleberry do you feel it's helped to vent on here? Does it help to get it all out?
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It does/has help, looking at it when it has been written down looks and sounds more easier in a way on what she is really like!. I have seen my GP about this and we have a little chap about it and I myself find it good to talk to someone about it!.
 
Sgt Tackleberry said:
I have seen my GP about this and we have a little chap about it and I myself find it good to talk to someone about it!.
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Glad to hear it's at least helpful - I don't know that our replies are too helpful in themselves, but as you said getting it down in writing helps it crystallise. I've quoted that particular sentence because I'm going to say it's Freudian :)
 
Mickie said:
have you guys said, if they keep on with this, you'll leave..

see what they say.. again with you doing all the work around the house, why not leave it for a few weeks, see what happenes, if she says out, tell her how lazy she is and selfish..

im not sure why you cant turn the table on them, seems like you're too nice a person..

if you're thinking about leaving her, you may as well lay into them as much as they do you..
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Ive said im going to leave and have done so in the past, she replys with im sorry i will change, but only for a few days and its back to how she is!.

I've done no house work for 3weeks and she did not do a thing apart from have ago at me!.
 
Sgt Tackleberry said:
Ive said im going to leave and have done so in the past, she replys with im sorry i will change, but only for a few days and its back to how she is!.

I've done no house work for 3weeks and she did not do a thing apart from have ago at me!.
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Once she's showing remorse could you get her to agree to counselling then?
 
I work for a bank, I've dealt with marital breakups and the financial consequences. I've also had a few friends go through it, but that's really all. I'm not even remotely qualified to give you any advice. :)
 
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