Why people always say stop looking for love and let it find you?

Just go out with your mates and be yourself! :)

Be confident, spark up conversations with girls, you never know what might happen!


Small print: What might happen is that they go "Leave me alone or i'll knock you out...." which is what happened to me on Monday night. JACKPOT! :p

But then you just laugh it off and find the next drunkest fog beast in the bar :p
 
cm1179 said:
women can spot a man desperate for a relationship a mile off. it's not a good look.

be happy with your single self, you'll miss it once you lose your personal space.
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This. Its like a shark smellin blood from 2 miles away. Dont let on that you are in this state!

Dont go out on a MISSION to hunt for girls - but the suggestion to join some kinda activity OUTSIDE of bar-hopping & clubbing is a really good one. Theres tons of stuff you can do - gymn, dancin lessons, martial arts etc.

Lets get real for a second. This is life and not an American romcom. Just cuz you join a dance class doesnt mean youre gonna score inside of a week. Also dance classes are usually full of dudes with the same idea as you. So....think outside the box!

By doing this your CHANCES of meeting like-minded people increase a LOT! So what have you got to lose? Get up. Get out. Sign up for somethin. They are out there :D

My martial arts class is the last place I would have expected to meet girls but heck theres quite a few hotties in there! I even get beaten up by them :(
 
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I don't understand, I've gone through stages ranging from looking desperately to being completely disinterested, and so far I've had no luck either. I think it must be something to do with me - maybe confidence, lack of strong convictions, or inexperience and shyness about what's appropriate behaviour with females... Anyway, I did try to act differently a while ago and it just ended up with people being scared of me and me getting ostracised, so pretending to be someone else is off the cards imo...

Maybe I'll just change naturally in time into some kind of girl magnet in time, but until then the best option seems to just be myself, try and motivate myself to keep active in the world and not get too down about the whole thing.

Dr House said:
I don't think most do, I know my wife is not into huge muscles. Being fit and in good shape is one thing but huge muscles put many girls off.
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Yeah I've heard this too - saw Avengers last week, 2 girls loved Thor's arms, but 1 said it put her off and thought Loki was the hot stuff! Clearly they were both wrong and Fury was the hottest guy in the film, but that's just me...
 
GreatAuk said:
I don't understand, I've gone through stages ranging from looking desperately to being completely disinterested, and so far I've had no luck either. I think it must be something to do with me - maybe confidence, lack of strong convictions, or inexperience and shyness about what's appropriate behaviour with females... Anyway, I did try to act differently a while ago and it just ended up with people being scared of me and me getting ostracised, so pretending to be someone else is off the cards imo...

Maybe I'll just change naturally in time into some kind of girl magnet in time, but until then the best option seems to just be myself, try and motivate myself to keep active in the world and not get too down about the whole thing.



Yeah I've heard this too - saw Avengers last week, 2 girls loved Thor's arms, but 1 said it put her off and thought Loki was the hot stuff! Clearly they were both wrong and Fury was the hottest guy in the film, but that's just me...
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How old are you if you don't mind me asking dude?
 
greenstone said:
Why people always say stop looking for love and let it find you?
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I think it's a load of rubbish.

Up there with "you need to love yourself before someone else can love you." Total nonsense. There are loads of people who don't love themselves but others do.
 
GreatAuk said:
I'm 19, so it might be reasonable to say that my experience of life so far has been limited, and I haven't had that long to hang around yet, but it still feels like a fair old while!
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19! Dude dont flap about stuff like this at your age! Enjoy the singly life and have fun. Believe me when you ARE in a relationship you will look back on these days!
 
There are two issues here, the first is desperation. Women notice guys who are like meerkats, standing in a bar looking round at every girl, and they are totally put off. Since the time of the caveman, men have had to demonstrate value to a woman. This can be anything from being big and strong so she feels you would make a good mate and can protect her, to being rich and healthy becuase then she knows you offer her future children the best opportunity in life.

So if you are standing there looking round at all the girls, it's obvious you have no value to her. No one is interested in you and you cant even get the attention of the the worst woman in the room.

Secondly, the other problem is opportunity. Do you have any idea of the number of guys who will see a hot girl, perhaps she'll even check him out, and then he'll just stand there and think "damn i wish i had a girl like that" and do nothing about it?!

Worse still are those guys who think, "i'll go talk to her after a few more drinks" and then they end up following her around all night, getting progressively drunker and then when they do have the 'confidence' to talk to her she's so uninterested and disturbed by your lack of confidence, drunkeness, stalkerish behaviour, that you have less than no chance.

If you see a girl you like, dont stand there looking at her, running 99 different things through your head. Just go up and talk to her! Have energy, dont be all quiet. Approach her from infront or to the side, dont come up from behind her, and certainly dont tap her on the shoulder!

You will find that most girls will entertain a short conversation and not be rude especially if you have energy about you, and those that are rude, well they are obviously not what you would want anyway (this isnt always strictly true, and serious hot girls will often have an attitude in order to filter out the 'weak' guys from the tonnes of blokes they get approaching them, only those that can hold their own and make them laugh get through).

Wow, so there's Women 101.
 
Jambo said:
I think it's a load of rubbish.

Up there with "you need to love yourself before someone else can love you." Total nonsense. There are loads of people who don't love themselves but others do.
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Thats strange, I love myself regularly and it seams to do some good!

Anyhow back to the op. One thing I've learnt in life is theres people for everyone. I dont consider myself particularly attractive and I'm overweight and lazy but I've managed to have what people consider a lot of relationships, although statistically over my lifetime it doesnt seam much.

In my kind of situation I find it better to befriend girls and let them grow to know you first. If you dont have the instant attraction of a fit confident male then this is the best way to go IMO. If you have a nice personality and good sense of humour they grow to appreciate you :p I've never had a one night stand or club / bar pickup, but I've had more action then many people I know :p
Ofc patience is necessary.
 
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