Well boys and girls, here’s the one you’ve all been waiting for... to avoid!
I’d like to say this is a fine example of French automotive automobilia. I’d like to say that, sadly I can’t. It’s a French turd, stinky old Renault Megane 1.something-or-other, 5 door, (just) taxed until the end of June, MOT until end of Jan 2013 - yes really!
It’s been red at one point early in its miserable life, now it’s baboons arse pink, lovely big flaky scabs and more scratches than the local ice rink on a busy Saturday. It’s got four wheels, go on count ‘em! One at each corner, wheel trims have been battered off every kerb known to man. It’s got the rare blistered rear wheel arch conversion by Krusty Kreations, real sponge rippers. Starts its push and sounds great, if you like nails down a blackboard. It’s got a box of gears, yep they are all in there... somewhere. And its does stop eventually (anchor provided). Steering is at best vague, but it does go in the rough general direction, again eventually. Let’s just say it’s a challenging drive. You won’t fall asleep at the wheel that’s for sure. Ideal for scaring the life out yourself.
Inside looks like a rabid dog with a healthy appetite for car seat material has slept in it for years and may still be in there somewhere - certainly smells like it.
State of the art in car entertainment system sounds like a kitchen radio chucked into a lake.
It’s the top of the range model with limited slip clutch and double overhead roofrack, also has quick release tax disc holder. Paintwork has more shades than a Dulux colour chart. Ideal for giving to someone you despise, ex wife/husband, or just park it in your drive and lower the tone of the entire street.
Guaranteed to devalue neighbouring houses by thousands. Could be a good wee runner, off a cliff. Ideal for getting from A to B, but you can forget C, it’s a no go. Or getting to work, if you work at home.
So there you have it, the car you’ve always promised yourself to steer clear of. Sorry no test drives, there ain’t no way I’m sitting my arse anywhere near it.
We will supply a brown paper bag with eyeholes to enable you to try and coax it home. In fact we will give you two, incase one falls off with the vibration.
It does periodically go on fire under the bonnet but it’s fine. The leak from the radiator usually puts it out. The beast is in captivity near Glasgow. That’s in Scotland. The big dark wet bit on top of the UK.
Please let me know if you are coming to view. So I can be out. Must be paid within 3 days of sale end or we will come and dump it on your doorstep. Sorry no "Vot is best price please" it’s already horrendously expensive. Go on, you know you want it!
