Ever so slightly angry right now!
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******* hell women annoy the crap out of me!
OP I hope things work out for you I really do but suffering a recent breakup with the mother of my children after 7 years maybe I'm being pessimistic but it sounds to me like she doesn't really want the relationship to continue but hasn't come to that decision in her own mind yet...
If you move into the flat I'd stake money on there being some issue that means you cannot be added to the tenancy, but of course that wont be her fault at all and if you push the matter then you'll just be being a bully etc etc
Keeping your new furniture at her mothers is also crazy, when the relationship ends you can kiss goodbye to it all, unless you want to go through the small claims court which will probably cost you more than the stuff is worth. If you don't have room at your folks place look into maybe renting a storage locker and on the back burner start searching for a new pad of your own... one which you can afford on your own!
I hope it all works out for you bud I really do but as others have said moving in with your partner should feel natural and be relatively hassle free, my ex was a freakin nightmare after a while but moving in together was so easy for the both of us back then....
Either way if you do move into a new place together or into her flat, start stashing money away into a "its all turned to ****, get me out of here" fund!
OP I hope things work out for you I really do but suffering a recent breakup with the mother of my children after 7 years maybe I'm being pessimistic but it sounds to me like she doesn't really want the relationship to continue but hasn't come to that decision in her own mind yet...
If you move into the flat I'd stake money on there being some issue that means you cannot be added to the tenancy, but of course that wont be her fault at all and if you push the matter then you'll just be being a bully etc etc
Keeping your new furniture at her mothers is also crazy, when the relationship ends you can kiss goodbye to it all, unless you want to go through the small claims court which will probably cost you more than the stuff is worth. If you don't have room at your folks place look into maybe renting a storage locker and on the back burner start searching for a new pad of your own... one which you can afford on your own!
I hope it all works out for you bud I really do but as others have said moving in with your partner should feel natural and be relatively hassle free, my ex was a freakin nightmare after a while but moving in together was so easy for the both of us back then....
Either way if you do move into a new place together or into her flat, start stashing money away into a "its all turned to ****, get me out of here" fund!
Do this. Make sure you have nothing to stop you walking out on her when thumper is on the hob.
That's the thing though... the amount of information to work from is often minute compared to the intricacies and complexities of a relationship, especially of a couple whom none of us actually know, yet the typical response is to "dump the woman as she's obviously a manipulating, headcase..." In my opinion, giving advice on relationsip matters (and also legal and monetary matters) is as potentially life changing as medical, yet some people throw it around willy nilly... I imagine by people who, because it doesn't affect them, don't actually care.
(Yes, I said willy)
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(I've NOT read all the thread so no idea whats been said etc but this answer is based purly on the OP first post)
Hmmm open your eyes mate, look at the basics.
You live on ya own (or share with a mate any way away from your parents) she lives with her parents (her parents are downsizing so say to her get out soon as no room for you in new house) lol
She see's you live in your own place and she see's it's good for freedom etc.
She then says lets get a place of our own (Because she's scared of living on her own or having to pay for it on her own/she wants to be with you)
You say No sorry cant now no money to do it right! you do the right thing go back to parents to help save! (BTW Well Done YOU for this)
She then has to get her own place as parents basicly kicked her out.....
so she does ok very scared she's on her own but she's done it with your support?
Yes is this kinda the gist?
WELL NOW! your ready to get that hosue you wanted you both find it and seem happy with it, you get all excited about it as your leaving parents again and want that freedom again but with ya missus so you start buying stuff to kit it out?
She's having second thoughts because she's lived on her own for some time now and really enjoys it and deep down does not want to move / also she may feel that because your paying for all the stuff she thinks "well it's not really our place or my place it's more your place" so it's like it's your house with all your stuff in it and she moving in with you rather than moving together - Trust Me this is how women think "crazy aint it?"
So she puts the breaks on and tells you the relationship is not right and moving may not be a good thing right now etc etc etc.
It would be a safe bet to say this is pretty much 99% acurate unless infact their is another underlying issue with you and her?
Dont be offended but
1. It's fizzled out between you? - in which case walk away and stay friends if poss
2. She's got another fella in sights or on the side? - in which case walk away get support from family and friends then move on
3. She really dont think she can live with you just yet but would like to continue with the way things are your still together just live apart - just she never had the guts to tell you this because of how much she's seen you excited for it and it was her idea them years/months ago.
I'd say if you can afford the house on your own then still move in if not see if there's a mate who can come in with you to help with the bills etc.
If your still together she can always move in later on?
If not Stay at your parents keep saving money return as much of the stuff as you can.
Try not to let emotions rule you making your mind up, I'd confront her not harshly but say lets sit down and talk meet somwhere other than yours or her place in a cafe or somthing this will make it easier for her to tell you the real reason if other people are around.
Ask her Number 3 above if it's not that then ask Number 1 but never ever ask her number 2 unless you have proof never acuse her of that too.
If they dont get you your answer ask:
Look hun or what ever you call her lol if it's not number 3 or number 1 then whats the matter? (Clearly state that you deserve the truth about her feelings in the matter and that what ever the answer is it's ok you will understand and either work through them or go separate ways)
Clear head when you do this.
She may just say she loves where she lives and dont want that to change she may even offer you move in with her? if she does then great but be careful as it's her place her stuff if anything ever goes wrong then she kicks you into the gutter with no place to get but back to your parents....
Good Luck buddy - sorry was only ment to be a quick reply but when i get going i can't stop lol
Hmmm open your eyes mate, look at the basics.
You live on ya own (or share with a mate any way away from your parents) she lives with her parents (her parents are downsizing so say to her get out soon as no room for you in new house) lol
She see's you live in your own place and she see's it's good for freedom etc.
She then says lets get a place of our own (Because she's scared of living on her own or having to pay for it on her own/she wants to be with you)
You say No sorry cant now no money to do it right! you do the right thing go back to parents to help save! (BTW Well Done YOU for this)
She then has to get her own place as parents basicly kicked her out.....
so she does ok very scared she's on her own but she's done it with your support?
Yes is this kinda the gist?
WELL NOW! your ready to get that hosue you wanted you both find it and seem happy with it, you get all excited about it as your leaving parents again and want that freedom again but with ya missus so you start buying stuff to kit it out?
She's having second thoughts because she's lived on her own for some time now and really enjoys it and deep down does not want to move / also she may feel that because your paying for all the stuff she thinks "well it's not really our place or my place it's more your place" so it's like it's your house with all your stuff in it and she moving in with you rather than moving together - Trust Me this is how women think "crazy aint it?"
So she puts the breaks on and tells you the relationship is not right and moving may not be a good thing right now etc etc etc.
It would be a safe bet to say this is pretty much 99% acurate unless infact their is another underlying issue with you and her?
Dont be offended but
1. It's fizzled out between you? - in which case walk away and stay friends if poss
2. She's got another fella in sights or on the side? - in which case walk away get support from family and friends then move on
3. She really dont think she can live with you just yet but would like to continue with the way things are your still together just live apart - just she never had the guts to tell you this because of how much she's seen you excited for it and it was her idea them years/months ago.
I'd say if you can afford the house on your own then still move in if not see if there's a mate who can come in with you to help with the bills etc.
If your still together she can always move in later on?
If not Stay at your parents keep saving money return as much of the stuff as you can.
Try not to let emotions rule you making your mind up, I'd confront her not harshly but say lets sit down and talk meet somwhere other than yours or her place in a cafe or somthing this will make it easier for her to tell you the real reason if other people are around.
Ask her Number 3 above if it's not that then ask Number 1 but never ever ask her number 2 unless you have proof never acuse her of that too.
If they dont get you your answer ask:
Look hun or what ever you call her lol if it's not number 3 or number 1 then whats the matter? (Clearly state that you deserve the truth about her feelings in the matter and that what ever the answer is it's ok you will understand and either work through them or go separate ways)
Clear head when you do this.
She may just say she loves where she lives and dont want that to change she may even offer you move in with her? if she does then great but be careful as it's her place her stuff if anything ever goes wrong then she kicks you into the gutter with no place to get but back to your parents....
Good Luck buddy - sorry was only ment to be a quick reply but when i get going i can't stop lol
The above sentence is pretty self evident isn't it?
That's kind of the point I'm trying to make... it isn't self evident. All we have is the information, provided by only one side of the relationship, which some people have run with and made all sorts of assumptions and inferences from.
I'm not trying to pick a fight here but I think it's worth pointing out that a lot of this so called advice is based on biased and incomplete information. Some people throw advice around without actually thinking about the consequences to the individuals involved, primarily because they don't know them and aren't affected so why should they actually care?...
Anyway... that's enough of that, I'll step off my soapbox now
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I think MuttsNutts has pretty much hit the nail on the head with his summarisation of the whole situation! Quality post matey..if that is based purely on my first post then fair play to you!
After talking to her last night I'd say it was option 3 from your list; she really wants us to live together but is having major commitment issues.
After talking to her last night I'd say it was option 3 from your list; she really wants us to live together but is having major commitment issues.
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BINGO! it's a lot to up heave and go for her as she's prob just got settled in her own place think about it it's easier for you to move than it is for her.
Most blokes wont see this as a problem but for women it is.
A Stange Breed they are!
Commitment issues she has, sorry bud you can say all you like to her on this but there's no changing her mind on this she has to tackle that on her own and again i can safely say her mates have probably had some influence
on her in this as always they may not like you that much or like being able to hang out at her's etc if they would not be able to do that so much if you and her was in your own place?
Good Luck Bud
This is GD, Anybody that comes here for relationship advice get's what they deserve.
Anybody that speaks to a public forum instead of there partner also gets what they deserve.
It's not about not caring it's about giving the answer/advice you want to at said time with the limited amount of info you are given in the medium of a GD section of a public forum.
If you want care then get a bear.
was when I did we looked at about 10 or so decided on the one that was second cheapest (the first cheapest was too scummy even for our standards)
Wasn't the nicest place in the world but at least they provided the mouse traps for free.
She likes you but also has now decided she loves the freedom having her own place brings and doesn't want to let it go so she'll get you to move in on a "try before you buy" basis. If it's all good then great, you buy a place together, if she hates the sight of you within a week she kicks you out and hasn't had to give up her own flat and been lumbered with a joint house.
On the other hand you may as well give it a go, if it fails at least you know and you're back home, no worse off than you are now with no debt, if it works it's all good.. /shrug
On the other hand you may as well give it a go, if it fails at least you know and you're back home, no worse off than you are now with no debt, if it works it's all good.. /shrug
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Then she wins.
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Suggest putting furniture at a neutral location or at your parents to avoid having the problem of recovering it from her parents if this dosnt work out! GL!
We've decided that the dining room furniture is going back as it can be returned under DSR. She's going to cover the cost of cancelling the sofa order, so basically there's only the garden furniture left, which was only £150. That can stay at her mums and if things go mammaries northwards then it's no great loss.