Facebook etiquette after breaking up with ex-gf?

[FnG]magnolia;22705147 said:
I'd suggest that if your new GF (who doesn't exist yet btw, let's not forget about that) is getting bent out of shape by the fact that you had a life prior to meeting her then you should probably raise your sights slightly higher than the clingy, needy, paranoid type of girl she most clearly is.

People break up all the time. Everyone has a history. Find a woman who understands both of these points.
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Oh, I know :) . As I mentioned, it's only because someone else mentioned to me that I should delete them that I am even questioning it. I was just going to leave them be. If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't care one bit. History is history, no point getting all butt-hurt about it.

Alex_6n2 said:
Sounds like she's blocked you on Facebook, rather than de-activated her account.

Just go and make some new experiences and push the old photos further down the list. New women will get too bored before they get far enough then
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Nah, she told me herself and a lot of her friends even sent me messages to begin with asking why she'd disappeared. I think there are probably around 50 photos since one with her.
 
I don't really get what the fuss is about to be honest, maybe it's just me. It's your profile, they are your pictures. If you want to keep them then keep them, I wouldn't care what other birds think. Everyone has a past, it's what you do now that matters.
Personally I wouldn't want to keep pictures of my ex so the lot would go, in time, when you have someone new and are happy I doubt you would want pictures of your ex.
 
Kempster said:
Would argee with this post myself

Could always look at it from a different view ie how would you feel if it was the other way around you added new girlfriend on facebook and she had all her exs photos things that couples do (lots of hugging/kissing ones, posing together for photos etc

How would you feel?

But think Mason hit the nail on the head to be honest

Failing that you could set your photos to hide/show to certain people on your friends list ie new girlfriend
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If it was the other way around, it wouldn't bother me enough to put me off her but I might feel a twinge of sadness seeing her kissing another guy in a photo. Hence option "b" might be viable. I don't want to be hiding anything, I'd rather be transparent and either delete them or not... nothing in-between.

Collider said:
I might be tempted to ask if a potential new partner is really into Facebook and then look to use that as a key critera to deselect them from my partner choices. Still, courses for horses etc.

However if it is a central feature of your life how does it differ from having photos of previous partners generally?

You wouldn't leave photos lying around of an ex (and if you did it would be a bit weird wouldn't it) so it probably makes sense to get rid of them..I'd think this was more about your feelings on the ex than your potential new partner's feelings.
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Does facebook really need to be a "central feature of your life" to care about the photos on there? If she adds me then even looks at the photos once it might be enough. Sure it might not be a "deal breaker" but I don't want to be willingly upsetting a new girlfriend.
 
St0rmer66 said:
Does facebook really need to be a "central feature of your life" to care about the photos on there? If she adds me then even looks at the photos once it might be enough. Sure it might not be a "deal breaker" but I don't want to be willingly upsetting a new girlfriend.
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No, I was more making the point that surely if they are on your FB you are looking at them and wouldn't you, having split with the ex, want to stop seeing them and being associated with them? I guess I was wondering whether Facebook is so very different from a picture on your wall..which many people would take down on a split, whether they were with a new partner who might see it on the wall or not.

In terms of a new partner I think I would wonder why someone had kept so many photos of their ex so publicly myself..few break ups are amicable enough to want to keep all the souvenirs.
 
By some of the thinking in this thread, you best go all the way back in your timeline and delete every reference, status, comment...

Life is too short, you don't want to spend it with someone who cares enough about Facebook to give a rats pinky.

If she is in your Profile Pic / Cover Pic, change it - otherwise , whatever.
 
Right from my experience it is perfectly acceptable to just hide her from your feed for a bit so you don't have to see anything nauseating of her failing miserably to move on and so on.

The big but is don't be petty and untag your self from pictures of the pair of you. I got facebook when I started uni and the first gf I had at uni did the untagging as soon as we broke up (followed by unfriending me and some of my friends who she decided to run away from, then blocked me for a little bit). As a result quite a few of my first year pictures are of me with a now mystery girl that none of us talk to or really know about any more. Just looks a bit of a joke of her really, which is sad.

Basically you can do the nice passive things to make facebook simple to manage but doing anything active makes you look a fool.

Any potential new gf basically is covered by the same rules, if she cares/kicks up a fuss, she's an instant crazy. There's never a good reason to be angry about the past because it has happened. If she carries some smouldering resentment to this attitude she is a crazy. If she keeps her profile picture of her and her ex, she still wants her ex.

If she insists you both have basically the same profile picture of the pair of you in a happy relationship she doesn't believe it will work and is trying to convince herself and her friends otherwise.... (and is a crazy)

Sorry tangent there on the etiquette of facebook relationships, the real point is it might feel good doing a ritual untagging and so on, but in reality the only people who are going to notice/care are your ex and all the nosey people from school trying to keep up with you without actually talking to you.
 
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I am just amazed that you broke up with someone without first having a serious talk about how you would handle facebook and the public enquiry that would inevitably follow.
 
pingwing said:
Right from my experience it is perfectly acceptable to just hide her from your feed for a bit so you don't have to see anything nauseating of her failing miserably to move on and so on.

The big but is don't be petty and untag your self from pictures of the pair of you. I got facebook when I started uni and the first gf I had at uni did the untagging as soon as we broke up (followed by unfriending me and some of my friends who she decided to run away from, then blocked me for a little bit). As a result quite a few of my first year pictures are of me with a now mystery girl that none of us talk to or really know about any more. Just looks a bit of a joke of her really, which is sad.

Basically you can do the nice passive things to make facebook simple to manage but doing anything active makes you look a fool.

Any potential new gf basically is covered by the same rules, if she cares/kicks up a fuss, she's an instant crazy. There's never a good reason to be angry about the past because it has happened. If she carries some smouldering resentment to this attitude she is a crazy. If she keeps her profile picture of her and her ex, she still wants her ex.

If she insists you both have basically the same profile picture of the pair of you in a happy relationship she doesn't believe it will work and is trying to convince herself and her friends otherwise.... (and is a crazy)

Sorry tangent there on the etiquette of facebook relationships, the real point is it might feel good doing a ritual untagging and so on, but in reality the only people who are going to notice/care are your ex and all the nosey people from school trying to keep up with you without actually talking to you.
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I agree with a lot of what you're saying. This is how I would see it. Luckily for me her account is deactivated still at the moment so nothing needed to be done for me.

I would feel like a complete dick deleting and un-tagging ALL the photos. My ex when I was about 18 did the same and it made me quite bitter about the whole thing (though it was one more thing to help me get over her I suppose). But I am still wondering if it would be an idea to delete/un-tag some of the more intimate ones.

The thing is, not everyone is as logical as this and women do tend to be a bit more... "emotional" about the whole thing.
 
fez said:
I am just amazed that you broke up with someone without first having a serious talk about how you would handle facebook and the public enquiry that would inevitably follow.
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Yawn, this is exactly the type of response I hoped to cover with the first 2 lines of my OP.

This is a forum for discussion. So discuss. I just want peoples experiences. It is not going to change my life forever, I just want to get some outside opinions.
 
How can this even be an issue? What kind of emotionally stunted women are you planning on dating? I can only assume that you're young and 'facebook etiquette' is something you say outloud with no sense of irony and/or you're expecting your future GF to be some kind of unstable womanchild who berates you for having the gall to have had a life before you met her.

The only reason that this is an issue is because you're making it one and you haven't even met a new woman yet! It's ... incredible.
 
I agree that FB aint the be all and end all. Its just a website.

But we cant deny social media is being woven into our lives. So from that standpoint: Dude. Youve broken up with her. Clean the slate. Delete everything with her in it from your profile. Block her and unfriend her.

You either break up with someone or you dont. Theres no halfway...that just leaves the door open for more pain. Im not saying be nasty to her..far from it. This can be done decently and nicely :)
 
[FnG]magnolia;22705371 said:
The only reason that this is an issue is because you're making it one and you haven't even met a new woman yet! It's ... incredible.
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Exactly my thoughts.

If I was the ex, seeing ALL pics being deleted/untagged or even get unfriended will just be upsetting.

If I was the new woman, I'd be suspicious if I didn't see a pic or two or a hundred of the guy with his ex. I'd be more worried the fact that things are hidden from me. How would I know if things are hidden or quite simply just doesn't exist? Well... Women just know.

Either do nothing, or just remove a few hugging/kissing pics but not all.
 
[FnG]magnolia;22705371 said:
How can this even be an issue? What kind of emotionally stunted women are you planning on dating? I can only assume that you're young and 'facebook etiquette' is something you say outloud with no sense of irony and/or you're expecting your future GF to be some kind of unstable womanchild who berates you for having the gall to have had a life before you met her.

The only reason that this is an issue is because you're making it one and you haven't even met a new woman yet! It's ... incredible.
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I think you're reading into this too much. I'm not that bothered, I just want to know what other people would do in the same situation. I've probably just waffled so much that it seems like I'm really emotionally invested in a response. I'm just bored on a Tuesday night and musing about the future.

And FWIW, my ex was incredibly emotionally stunted, so perhaps it has skewed my view of what women are like. I would hope that a new girlfriend just wouldn't care.

Moses said:
His profile says he's 24 :eek:.

[tw fox mode] However, it also says he's an engineer... :mad: [/tw fox mode]
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Yes, 24.

Ha. My official job title is "technical engineer", it may not be correct but it is what it is.
 
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St0rmer66 said:
I agree with a lot of what you're saying. This is how I would see it. Luckily for me her account is deactivated still at the moment so nothing needed to be done for me.

I would feel like a complete dick deleting and un-tagging ALL the photos. My ex when I was about 18 did the same and it made me quite bitter about the whole thing (though it was one more thing to help me get over her I suppose). But I am still wondering if it would be an idea to delete/un-tag some of the more intimate ones.

The thing is, not everyone is as logical as this and women do tend to be a bit more... "emotional" about the whole thing.
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Well as cruel as it sounds she is now your ex so you don't have to worry so much about her emotions. You can do pretty much what you want.

It would probably be a better move to just quietly take down the intimate ones (thinks like kissing and stuff) more because that's not what facebook is for!!! No one wanted to see them in the first place :p

As a slightly serious point untagging leaves the pictures in the public realm of faceboook to be retagged at a later date or found when you least want to see them so properly deleting the odd intimate one is an ok move (especially when they come from things like profile pictures and cover photos) just as a little tidy up. Full scale removal of the ex is always suspect of someones personality.
 
pingwing said:
As a slightly serious point untagging leaves the pictures in the public realm of faceboook to be retagged at a later date
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Minor (and irrelevant) point but iirc if you untag yourself you can't be re-tagged at least without asking you first.

Anyway. This all goes to show further how Facebook has ruined our lives. Sense of social ethics and 'etiquette', goodbye.
 
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