Tell us your best break-up stories

[FnG]magnolia · 7 Sep 2012 at 07:17

Haha, I'm just kidding. You're all bed-wetting shut-ins whose biggest personal life achievement is remembering your own date of birth, there is literally no chance that you've been anywhere near a woman, far less been involved with one (Real Dolls notwithstanding).

But let's pretend that you had a girl or boyfriend and that, tragically, that beautiful partnership of Nonbeauty and the Geek came to an end. Tell us about it.

I'll post two of mine if this thread gets any traction.

eatcustard · 7 Sep 2012 at 07:32

I once dated your mother, we split up, we moved on.

deusexlumina · 7 Sep 2012 at 07:36

eatcustard said:
I once dated your mother, we split up, we moved on.

Cosimo · 7 Sep 2012 at 07:41

eatcustard said:
I once dated your mother, we split up, we moved on.

Scythian · 7 Sep 2012 at 07:44

eatcustard said:
I once dated your mother, we split up, we moved on.

Minxy · 7 Sep 2012 at 07:47

I once dated your father, we split up, we moved on.

No1newts · 7 Sep 2012 at 07:49

I once dated your sister, we split up, she never moved on.

Tom0 · 7 Sep 2012 at 07:50

I once dated your aunty, we split up, she moved on to my brother.

Narj · 7 Sep 2012 at 07:54

I once dated your dog. Had a ruff time of it and moved on.

LOAM · 7 Sep 2012 at 07:58

I used to love her, but I had to kill her I knew I'd miss her, so I had to keep her. She's buried right in my back yard

SB118 · 7 Sep 2012 at 08:01

and i can still hear her complain...

Devrij · 7 Sep 2012 at 08:06

Narj said:
I once dated your dog. Had a ruff time of it and moved on.

Got a laugh from me.

I broke up with my first gf by getting a new one while she was away on a school trip for a week. We were at a boarding school so it was pretty awkward when she got back.

Narj · 7 Sep 2012 at 08:09

My worst breakup was with a girl who was rather obsessive - she was like a limpet. After splitting with her because I couldn't take it any more, she decided it'd be a good idea for her 3 rather well built brothers to kick seven shades of **** out of me. Fortunately my sister managed to defuse the situation and I managed to keep my limbs intact, otherwise I'd probably have ended up even less aesthetically pleasing than I am now.

All my break-ups have been OK apart from that to be honest - I don't think I've ever had a disastrous one, but then I've never been in a position where I've had to deal with divorce or custody of kids.

Edrof · 7 Sep 2012 at 08:19

Breaker of the combo variety^

Nitefly · 7 Sep 2012 at 08:20

I once dated your car, she broke down and I moved on.

Skillmister · 7 Sep 2012 at 08:21

You can't break up if she's dead nomsayin?

Cosimo · 7 Sep 2012 at 08:22

I once dated all the females in your family, there was a hell of a bust up, on we moved.

Nitefly · 7 Sep 2012 at 08:23

I also once dated your field, ploughed her twice then moved on.

Narj · 7 Sep 2012 at 08:28

I once dated your mum. Luke, I am your father.

twist3d0n3 · 7 Sep 2012 at 08:29

i once dated your sheep... rammed it good and proper, then moved on