I'm an aspiring writer going into my third year of a literature degree, strangely though I've not picked up any creative writing modules mainly because they were half modules and I didn't care for the supplicant modules that went along with taking those, but I digress.
Like Vidar I'd like some tips on my writing style. This is my first written piece since writing a piece of Homeric-esq survival-horror for A-level so it's pretty bad I know. My main problem is the repetition in my narrative writing style. I seem to be doing 'he though, he moved, he saw..' a very singular perspective I don't know how to get out of. Any tips please, I'm not looking to publish this, I just thought up a quick short story idea about a rock rising out that allows a Dickensian 'Pip' boy character a portal to the Moon a sort of mock Wonderland were he can escape the harsh realities of his life.
A strange coloured rock looked to be rising out of the grass, like a tooth, slowly piercing out of the earth beneath him. He was sure it was not there a moment ago as he walked by. It was only when he looked back he saw it glinting at him in the afternoon sun. Nobody came this way he was sure, it was his secret shortcut through the forest to avoid being spotted crossing the bridge to get home, so nobody could have left it here, or dug it up he thought. Slowly walking over to this new feature of his path, hidden behind a tall tree, could the roots be digging it up? He stood still to try and judge how far it rose before him, as if he was watching clouds drifting on a boring day. The mound didn’t seem to move at all and there were no roots that he could see around it.
Its surface had strange patterns, seemingly natural but also unnatural with any rock he had ever seen. It was rough, bumpy and full of small and even smaller holes, as if someone had taken very fine tools to etch some sort of pictures into it. But it made no sense, it was all random, as if insects had been living in the rock and made it their house, like they do with the dirt.
The colour was unlike anything he had seen, it was white, no... pale, a chalky-grey that seemed very old. As he moved closer it turned to a darker, ash grey, the colour of a worm when all of the pink has left it. He had seen this colour before. It was the colour of old bones, bones that had been in the ground for a long time. His house, a blacksmith workshop was next a graveyard and robbers would often dig up old graves to try and find any scraps of jewellery that could be sold. They’d fling the bones out of the grave trying to find any shining bits of metal under the night sky. He was sure there were more bones above ground than below when he walked past one day before the robbers were caught. They used to come back to the same graveyard week after week until they were caught. Stupid... As punishment they were buried alive in the grave they were digging. He could hear them crying and whimpering in his bed while the guards were shovelling the dirt on top of them. “Please I beg ye... me family starves... I’ve no work... who will look after them...”
“Here” said one of the guards and picked a dirty gold ring from the skeleton they’d dug up. “S’pose y’can swap that where ya goin’ for some bread ta send to ye family...that is when they meet ya there... ”
“No! Please I beg...” The guard kicked the one speaking in the face and he fell flat on his back, they all laughed as they quickly collapsed the mountain of dirt on top of both robbers in the grave.