Living at home with parents: how is it viewed?

Quite the opposite, living at home is not taking anything away rather is depositing cash into your account. I don't live at home but I would really like it if I did.

SoC
 
I could not even dream about moving back home, independence is worth the rent.

Owning your own house is overrated anyway in my eyes, I like how I can just move around as I please without having to deal with the hassle of selling up etc etc.

I'm on a decent wage, I manage to save some money each month to either save up or buy anything that i'd like, also support my girlfriend and daughter in the process.
 
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Infidelus said:
Unfortunately, not everyone's born to be a high flyer. Some people are just happy trudging along, and as long as they've got enough money to put food on the table, that's enough. If these people weren't around, who would serve you at the till at your favourite food/clothing store. Most of these are minimum wage jobs, and as the minimum wage is about £6.19 (AFAIK), that doesn't leave a lot of wiggle room for fancy things like houses ....

Out of the three of them, two of them (given sufficient funds) would leap at the chance to move into their own pad. The third one (who just happens to be the youngest of the lot) appears to be waiting for his mother to leave this mortal coil in the hopes he'll inherit the property. I wouldn't call him a moneygrabber though. He just has issues with his parents, but finds it easier just to rant about them than actually do anything about it. He's probably the one I feel the least empathy towards, but I still don't think people should judge him for failing to net a £40k a year job.
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But even on minimum wage you can still move out, you may not be able to buy a house quickly or even ever, but the question is if you are living at home for so many years surely you would have saved up something?

Even if it just means getting a partner, that then doubles the wage and is easily enough to live off.
 
BuffetSlayer said:
Personally I dont think it is natural, or healthy. I think an individual needs to spread their wings and make their own life, carve out their own patch in the social fabric. Start their own family. Maybe that outlook is a lot to do with our culture in this country and how I have been bought up? I dare say in other cultures/countries living at home would not be frowned upon like it is here.

As for how women view you, I think it is perceived that you are lacking somehow. If you still live with your parents it suggests immaturity and the avoidance of responsibility and perhaps lack of confidence - which women find off putting. Coversely if you are a woman it suggests you may be difficult, a spinster or damaged goods (not nice but I think it is true).

However the truth of what people think does not make what they think true.

My other half lived at home until she was 32/33 - but had lived away from home for several years down south. That didnt work out so she came back and spent 3 years living at home again. It sent her mad, but financially she could not afford her own place. Many men would have run a mile (I'm 6 years younger and had my own house) but I saw past it. I think most open minded decent people will.

But I think there is a stigma attached to it - whether that is justified or not is a different discussion. But yes I would agree that traditionally women tend to view older guys living at home as a bit 'icky'. That said, it has become far more common to leave home later in life because of uni, house prices etc etc.

I think it also depends on why someone is still at home. For instance, in the case of my better half it was because her life was turned upside down and she needed refuge. In the case of my cousin, he has always lived at home because his outlook is that he could never enjoy the same kind of life he does at home if he moved out - which is quite selfish but then if his parents are prepared to put up with it, then who are we to judge?

Also, if you have grown into a caring role for a parent(s) and they rely on you I would say it is a moral dilemma with no easy answer.

I dont think it makes you a bad person, but I do think it makes you a lesser person because it is life experience you havent yet got and you learn a lot from moving out and living your own life (uni does not count - because you are still technically living at home with your parents).

As my father once said, "son, when the bills are dropping on your own door mat, I will listen to your advice on life."

I have taken that comment out of context, but I think it is true - until you have moved out and been self sufficient you are not fully an 'adult' because you have not yet flown the nest. Again maybe that opinion is because of how I was bought up?

My relationship with my parents has improved no end since I moved out 8 years ago - and not only that I felt a real sense of achievement at standing on my own two feet. As an individual I have grown and developed in a way that only taking on responsibility can bring which is something I feel you wont ever achieve living at home.

Buff
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This whole post is based on the viewpoint that you only ever live at home as a fall back because you cannot survive financially if you were to leave. There are two other scenarios which are equally as valid methods to living, and carry the same responsibilities and "life experiences" but still fall under "Living at home with parents"

"Living at home with parents" just covers far too broad a spectrum of scenarios to have a viewpoint on, it can only be done on a case by case basis. All the following situations can be grouped under this:

1) Living at home with your parents, effectively being a lazy bum and taking advantage of you parents. Not paying your share of expenses, not help etc.

2) Living at home with your parents and treating it like a house share. You assume your portion of responsibilities and share costs according to your slice. Contribute to keep the house productive and livable. This is no difference than if they were random strangers that you happened to live with.

3) Living at home with your parents, you take up the majority role of responsibility and effectively take ownership of the house and expenses. You do greater than your share of the work. Your parents then effectively live with you.

Theoretically speaking, one could build or purchase their own house, have a successful family and kids, but because they choose to allow their parents to move in and live with them and thus fall under the "Living at home with parents" category, they have some how not gained as much life experience or are a lesser person?

My point is that any situation can be twisted to be negative or positive and thusly people shouldn't really be stereotyping just because someone falls under that category.
 
Tom_ed1987 said:
You cannot grow up properly while still living with your parents. I personally think people who return from university, get a good job etc but still move back in to their parents house are nuts.

I have been living away from parents permanently for 3 years now and there is no way I would move back in - the rent is worth it.
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Agreed. I lived fairly independent whilst at university and I'm not on a 12-18month placement, so I'm living at home as it's a commutable distance and I'm saving for my final year.

If I get taken on permanently at this job, I'm going to wait 12 months and then move closer to work.
 
Gammawolf said:
Theoretically speaking, one could build or purchase their own house, have a successful family and kids, but because they choose to allow their parents to move in and live with them and thus fall under the "Living at home with parents" category, they have some how not gained as much life experience or are a lesser person?
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I've never actually heard of anyone doing this before, and i'm pretty sure no one in this thread has. :p
 
If you can afford it then good on ya but if you can't then you're not part of the majority unless you're over 30.

These days it's just becoming a joke how hard it is to actually make it by yourself or even in a house share.
 
Defy Belief said:
But even on minimum wage you can still move out, you may not be able to buy a house quickly or even ever, but the question is if you are living at home for so many years surely you would have saved up something?

Even if it just means getting a partner, that then doubles the wage and is easily enough to live off.
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What if you don't WANT a partner? I'm not saying that's the case for these lot, but some people prefer their own company. You can't FORCE them to cohabit. Maybe they just haven't met Miss Right (or Miss Right Now) yet. :)

I'm not saying it's right, and I'm not saying it's wrong. It's an individual choice. The point is, people have no right to judge other people for how they choose to live their lives. As long as they're not hurting anybody, it's nobody else's business.
 
Infidelus said:
The third one (who just happens to be the youngest of the lot) appears to be waiting for his mother to leave this mortal coil in the hopes he'll inherit the property. I wouldn't call him a moneygrabber though. He just has issues with his parents, but finds it easier just to rant about them than actually do anything about it. He's probably the one I feel the least empathy towards, but I still don't think people should judge him for failing to net a £40k a year job.
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I thought they were all well-rounded individuals? :D

I personally feel that moving out is part of growing up. Of course it is tough, and I would never judge someone just because they lived with their parents, but I would find it hard to understand an adult (let's say 25+) who didn't at least want to move out.
 
I moved out of the family home when I was sixteen and didn't return. My brother is twenty five and lives with my mum, though he's moved out and lived in various places throughout the World however he's now living with her.

My point? Living with your parents doesn't make you any less of a 'man'. For him, it's just a flatmate.

I've never understood those who call their family house 'home'. For me, 'home' is where I hang my hat and that's my flat. I've also never quite got why people go "home" for summer whilst at university.
 
It puts women off for sure.

I view it as a bad thing living with parents (personally anyway)

I get on great with my mum but to live with her is a nightmare.




If you're between houses then I dont see an issue (IE summer between uni terms, or maybe a few months to 1 year between 1 house and the next) but otherwise I think its best avoided.


My mate had to live at home and commute to uni with his girlfriend (she wasnt getting finance so couldn't afford rent)

While she basically got free accommodation from his parents it put a huge strain in their relationship with each other. And both of them hated it but it was the only way.
 
Using it as a base to whore money away to put a deposit on a house is okay. Using it as a doss house to live a lavish lifestyle while burning all your income is not. Sponging off your parents and not working is even worse. I would say 90% of people fall into one of those.

I left my house at 20. I had to as my father passed on and the house was being split between my half brothers and sisters. 26 Now and about 40% through my mortgage.
 
I started college and uni later then most (4 years after school) and moved out for 5 years during that time. I couldnt find a job in Southampton when I finished and had to move back home. Finally 2 months in to my first job in 3 years now, but its not enough to live out here. Living in Bournemouth is the second most expensive place in England, and communiting from cheaper areas would soon add up the difference. single bed flats around here start at around £600pm. All my college friends have settled and my uni friends arent near by, so my only chance atm is a 2 bed flat share with someone I befriend from work, or finding a girl to live with!
Btw the job is only a shade above minimum wage, so not enough. Also living at home (I am 30 in a week) I get on great with the parents, who understand the frustration fully. I told them at uni I didnt want to move back home, I've told them since I want to move out, but not in a nasty "I hate you" way, but for my own independance. It's just I cant afford to yet.

Also I pay my way. On jobseekers (£62 pw) I paid £40 pw for rent, the rest was travel. From my first half wage packet of £500 in this job I have started to pay double that, £80 pw / £320pm, and when I get my first FULL wage packet this week we will work out a proper amount.
 
Infidelus said:
What if you don't WANT a partner? I'm not saying that's the case for these lot, but some people prefer their own company. You can't FORCE them to cohabit. Maybe they just haven't met Miss Right (or Miss Right Now) yet. :)

I'm not saying it's right, and I'm not saying it's wrong. It's an individual choice. The point is, people have no right to judge other people for how they choose to live their lives. As long as they're not hurting anybody, it's nobody else's business.
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Even if you don't want a partner, you can still live off minimum wage. The wage is set for each area to allow for living costs.
 
Defy Belief said:
Even if you don't want a partner, you can still live off minimum wage. The wage is set for each area to allow for living costs.
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I'd have to disagree.

Let's assume you're on minimum wage doing a 37 hour week.

£6.19 * 37 - £229.03

Multiply by 52 (Annual salary) - £11909.56

Divide by 12 (Monthly gross wage) - £992.46

Remove deductions for NI and Tax (Data from www.listentotaxman.com) - £106.6

Net total monthly wage £885.86

Now the monthly bills

Rent - ~£500 minimum (from a quick search of the area where I live)
Electric/Gas - £80
Water - £30
Council Tax - £100
Food - £100

That's a very rough basic of necessities.

Add things that are now common

Broadband - £10 - £20
Car Insurance - £20
Home Contents Insurance - £15
Car running costs - £50
VED - £12
Phone - ?

So from that £885.86 we now already have a minus figure of £31.14 (assuming BB was £10). You may not have all of those extras, but all three of the people I mentioned above do have, and they're all pretty standard and not excessive things to expect. I've omitted TV Licence and cost of telephone use. I'm sure there's other things that could be added that I've forgotten.

I'd personally say the bare minimum you need to even think about moving out is £1000, and I'm not even sure that's enough tbh.

I'm very lucky. I moved out in my early 30s, but that's only because my parents gave me a considerable wedge of money to help with my house purchase (which has made the mortgage repayments far less than they would be). If they hadn't, I'd be still living at home too, and am of a similar age to the oldest two in the earlier post.
 
Infidelus said:
I'd personally say the bare minimum you need to even think about moving out is £1000, and I'm not even sure that's enough tbh.
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And that is why people who really want it have an evening job as well.

As I have said previously, if someone wants it bad enough they will make it happen.

It requires sacrifice. It may require working 2 jobs.

The problem is often people want their own place but do not want to make the sacrifices or put in the effort necessary in order to get it.

Having done it myself, I know it is hard. Really hard sometimes, but then, as I said, it just boils down to how badly someone wants it.

Buff
 
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