Here's a joke for you, one of my favourites.....
One sunny day, an armless legless man is sunbathing on the beach. In the distance, he sees a pretty young brunette walking towards him. She looks at the poor man, takes pity on him, and walks up to him.
"Aww, you poor man. It must be so hard for you with no arms or legs. Tell me, have you ever been hugged?"
"No, I've never been hugged before"
She leans down and gives the man a loving hug, and goes on her way.
About 10 minutes later, another woman comes walking down the beach. Even more attractive than the first, she too takes pity on the poor man, and approaches him.
"Aww, you poor man. It must be so hard for you with no arms or legs. Tell me, have you ever been kissed?"
"No, I've never been kissed before"
She leans down and gives the man a loving kiss, leaving him with a huge smile on his face, and walks away.
A further 10 minutes later, a 3rd woman walks down the beach. She is a goddess, Amazonian in style, a picture of female perfection. She walks over to the happily hugged and kissed man.
"Aww, you poor man. It must be so hard for you with no arms or legs. Tell me, have you ever been screwed?"
His eyes light up as he says "No, I've never been screwed"
She looks him deep in the eyes and says "You are now, the tide is coming in"