Who wants a free Steam code for Sleeping Dogs?

Soldato
Joined
8 Sep 2003
Posts
23,180
Location
Was 150 yds from OCUK - now 0.5 mile; they moved
Entertain me between now and midday and I will send you a sleeping dogs code for free :)

Best forum post wins!
 
Here's a joke for you, one of my favourites.....

One sunny day, an armless legless man is sunbathing on the beach. In the distance, he sees a pretty young brunette walking towards him. She looks at the poor man, takes pity on him, and walks up to him.

"Aww, you poor man. It must be so hard for you with no arms or legs. Tell me, have you ever been hugged?"

"No, I've never been hugged before"

She leans down and gives the man a loving hug, and goes on her way.

About 10 minutes later, another woman comes walking down the beach. Even more attractive than the first, she too takes pity on the poor man, and approaches him.

"Aww, you poor man. It must be so hard for you with no arms or legs. Tell me, have you ever been kissed?"

"No, I've never been kissed before"

She leans down and gives the man a loving kiss, leaving him with a huge smile on his face, and walks away.

A further 10 minutes later, a 3rd woman walks down the beach. She is a goddess, Amazonian in style, a picture of female perfection. She walks over to the happily hugged and kissed man.

"Aww, you poor man. It must be so hard for you with no arms or legs. Tell me, have you ever been screwed?"

His eyes light up as he says "No, I've never been screwed"

She looks him deep in the eyes and says "You are now, the tide is coming in"

:D
 
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from.
So he says, 'Do you know me?'
To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.'

Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'Are you the stripper from the stag do that I made love to on the pool table with all my mates watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery???'

She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
 
Here's a joke for you, one of my favourites.....

One sunny day, an armless legless man is sunbathing on the beach. In the distance, he sees a pretty young brunette walking towards him. She looks at the poor man, takes pity on him, and walks up to him.

"Aww, you poor man. It must be so hard for you with no arms or legs. Tell me, have you ever been hugged?"

"No, I've never been hugged before"

She leans down and gives the man a loving hug, and goes on her way.

About 10 minutes later, another woman comes walking down the beach. Even more attractive than the first, she too takes pity on the poor man, and approaches him.

"Aww, you poor man. It must be so hard for you with no arms or legs. Tell me, have you ever been kissed?"

"No, I've never been kissed before"

She leans down and gives the man a loving kiss, leaving him with a huge smile on his face, and walks away.

A further 10 minutes later, a 3rd woman walks down the beach. She is a goddess, Amazonian in style, a picture of female perfection. She walks over to the happily hugged and kissed man.

"Aww, you poor man. It must be so hard for you with no arms or legs. Tell me, have you ever been screwed?"

His eyes light up as he says "No, I've never been screwed"

She looks him deep in the eyes and says "You are now, the tide is coming in"

:D


Bet his name was "bob":p
 
25rgjub.jpg


:D
 
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current picture. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony he cuts one in half and sends her the top part. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong part, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change you hair style...it makes your nose look too long."
 
Here is the reason I think I deserve that code.

A story about a boy and his junk...

The following is, unfortunately, a true story...that happened to me, tonytank.


About a 3 years ago, I went into hospital for a circumcision, and later that afternoon, my friend come and picked me up, and everything was rosey.

We sat in McDonalds eating away (post antithetic so I am starving you see) and when I stand up, i feel like I've wet myself, i look down, and it looks like I've wet myself....

I make a quick exit to the bog, and carefully undo my jeans, praying to any god that will listen everything is alright....it wasn't, at all.....not even close...

You see, when they remove your foreskin, the apparently and un-avoidably sever lots of small veins which they seal/courtesied post op before they wake me up, and as it turned out, the doc missed one, a very "active" one by all accounts...

So, I opened my jeans, and the bandage falls to the tiled floor with a blood soaked splat, and what follows is a "hostel" style steam of blood pouring from my junk.

I nearly passed out from the sight of it, let me tell you, I've never been one for panic attacks but when your literally ****ing blood, things take over, what was worse that my junk was also rapidly become bloated, hugely, and it was turning a nasty shade of purple, so, it appeared some blood was leaving, and some was going back in....groovy.

My friend got me back to a.e and after 5 minutes they got me onto a gurney and took a look. The doctor was very calm about it and basically explained what had happened to me and as I've told you this didn't calm me down none at the time though. I mean, when your junk looks like barneys knuckle/ a nerf ball, nothing will really calm you down.

Now, the doc decides to try and get some of the blood out before they take me in too re-open, drain, and seal...again. So as I'm laying there, every now and then I feel the doc jump a bit as something warm hits my leg, which I can only guess was the built up blood making a bid for freedom as he tried to relieve the build up with a scalpel blade before the re-operated. Not pleasant if I am honest.

A few pints of blood and an operation later and its the next morning and my JUNK now looked like the grimace (Ronald McDonaldS retarded friend) and it hurts, A LOT....but its all sealed up and ready to recover....

So, a month later, my JUNK is now back to normal (minus a foreskin obviously), but it was a month of sleeping on my back, sitting down to unrinate, leaky and even pussy residue, painful erections and to be fair, nice and new (but trigger hair) style sensitivity.

It was only 3 months later I managed to shoot one out, which was so epic I swear I heard angels when it happened...

On a serious note when I saw the blood I really thought I was going to die. It just wouldnt stop, and all I could do was lay there and think "so, this is how I punch out, from a bleeding penis...did NOT see this coming...". I'm all better now, so, gotta laugh about it really...

So that's why I would like a copy of sleeping dogs, because I nearly lost my junk..

I thank you...
 
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I'll share my embarrassing experience from this morning :(

Recently I have got into swimming every morning in order to lose some weight. I found that my swimming shorts were getting a little worn and had a hole in so I rummaged around at home and found some old speedos... better than ones with a hole in right? It turns out that these are ever so slightly too big for me now, so when I dived in this morning they shot off my legs and were no where to be found in the ensuing blind panic to try and find them. Luckily an old lady found them and proudly held them aloft waving them at me. In one fluid movement I grabbed them from her (why she couldn't have thrown them to me I don't know), pulled them on, jumped out the pool, got changed in seconds and was out of there.

Say NO to Speedos :(
 
SO there were 3 horses and 7 ducks, when 5 ducks ate all the horses the remaining ducks ate the other ducks. How fat are they?
1: Big
2: Extra Big
3: ULTRA BIG
4: Bigger than the world
 
I had an even better poo

Walked into toilet,
Saw European Boss using urinal,
Enter the cubicle behind him,
Loosen pants,
Drop a huge log, splosh,
Didnt even need to wipe,
Feels so good,
No longer have a job, but they will have to employ a small team of cleaners to unblock that bugger.
 
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