How long did it take to plan your wedding?

[FnG]magnolia;23137134 said:
e : ah, that was bad timing on my part. I wasn't commenting on you AHarvery, it was a general thing and only an opinion :)
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Yeah I know ;) :D

And I agree that people shouldn't get in to stupid amounts of debt over 1 day, and to some people £30k is nothing to them to blow on a wedding.

People can spend £10k to fly a mig jet in Russia for an hour or two, spend £4k on a holiday that lasts a week, £5k on a watch that does the same job as a £30 one or £40k on a car that will be worth half that in 3 years.

It's not money spent on the wedding day, it's spent on the memories, and at the end of the day, memories are the most important thing, as long as they aren't bitter sweet memories due to debt etc. :)

I'll also add, we're now 31, been together since we were 15 and we've been married 3 years with an amazing 1 year old daughter :D the wedding was a great day we'll always remember :)
 
Got engaged in late November and married in Feb so a quick turnaround but I wanted to snowboard in Aspen for honeymoon, so it was either a rush job or talk about weddings for over a year and that wasn't of interest to either of us. As for costs; spend what you are comfortable with, not what you think is expected of you.
 
Lysander said:
For these people blowing 30k on a wedding... I honestly despair. It's completely, wholly unnecessary. You're playing into a tradition that controls you and your partner through social pressure and group expectation. Enjoy your extortionate wedding bills.. because it is extortion.
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Social pressure and capitalism at its finest.

AHarvey said:
And here it is, the petty comments about people that spend a lot on a wedding. IF people made negative comments about people who spend pennies on a wedding and there would be uproar about them being snobs etc. Just let people spend what they like, if it's what they want what does it matter?

Every couple is different, what they want and what they can afford is different. When will people stop being bitter and judgemental about how others do their day and just let people celebrate in their own ways. :)
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Why do you assume the comments about costs are petty and that people are bitter? There's a very big difference between having an expensive wedding that you can afford and both want versus a wedding that leaves you in debt because you (or one party) feel obligated to spend that much and invite everybody even distant family members you never see.

The OP asked about planning a wedding, one of the pitfalls to avoid is spending too much money. That's what some people are saying.
 
We could have afforded a more expensive wedding, but chose to have a cheaper one. It's all about priorities.
 
Big lavish weddings can be a bit naff. I went to one where the reception was at the Savoy and it was great fun but such an overt display of wealth. The father was telling anyone who would listen that it was 'over 6 figures'

As with anything else, to each their own.
 
Lysander said:
You know what - for once, I'm with you.

Me and my girl are getting married next month, the whole day will cost less than £500.

For these people blowing 30k on a wedding... I honestly despair. It's completely, wholly unnecessary. You're playing into a tradition that controls you and your partner through social pressure and group expectation. Enjoy your extortionate wedding bills.. because it is extortion.
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Tradition :eek:

Even from our 'big day' in 1980 things have moved on with 'tradition' and last year I witnessed my work colleague arranging her wedding.
Even the invitation cards have got to be 'just right' and cost a fortune and then every guest gets a present :confused:
She had to have x amount of this and x amount of that because it's traditional but it wasn't back in 1980.
Even the wedding photos and video cost nearly £1200 and seriously (those who are married) how many times have you pulled the photo album and video out over the years? - I bet they came out in the first 2 weeks and then put in a drawer.
From what I've heard of Wedding Planners stay away because they will just feed expensive ideas into your head.
The whole process now really disgusts me.
 
AHarvey said:
Every couple is different, what they want and what they can afford is different. When will people stop being bitter and judgemental about how others do their day and just let people celebrate in their own ways. :)
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I'm far from bitter about the fact I had a lovely wedding with no stress or debt! I was answering a question.

There wasn't a judgemental comment, we have friends and family who have spent about 5 years before the wedding going 'no we can't do that, we have a wedding to pay for,' and then forever afterwards going 'no we can't do that we are still paying off the wedding'. That's not doing what you can afford, that's conforming to the expected norm. If you've got 20k easily available, then by all means blow it on a party! Personally we'd have a mega race car if we did have the 20k spare!!
 
I am getting married next August. Probably took about a month to decide on Venue and budgets after a bit of research and viewing. Some venues ask for silly money.

Getting help from both parents, I imagine it will cost no more than £8k with everything all in. NO debt.

Most of the cost will be going on the venue itself. We are inviting approx 60-70 people all of whom or family and close friends. Night time is not such an issue budget wise so everyone else will be coming to that.

There are so many little things that can build up and end up costing a fortune. Luckily we know a lot of people who can help out with things such as the photography, flowers, hair, makeup etc.. so we are saving on the little things already, some of these can cost silly money. There are lots of things you can do yourself.

I designed the invitations myself and will print off using Vista print as they are cheap as chips.

I would get yourself a spreadsheet and start budgeting for the individual items once you know what your overall budget is. Have a look at the dedicated wedding forums as OcUK is probably not the best forum to ask for advice about planning a wedding.
 
[FnG]magnolia;23137134 said:
You'll get lots of opinion - some of which you might even have asked for, but not many - on how the day should go. Make sure that it's something that and your partner want to happen and try not to get directed by those who might wish to see your day be their day
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This is a great point and needs to be reiterated.

You do get a lot of people giving you their opinion on how they want your day to go. Not how they think it should go, but how they want it to go, especially parents.

My brother came up with a similar point in regard to this, which is that the family will throw ideas and pressure on you about what they think is best for the family, but this isn't always what's best for the couple. You must do it your way.

[FnG]magnolia;23137134 said:
(this is not in relation to my wedding but I have two horror stories from friends).
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Oh please, do tell.
 
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Vix said:
Decided to plan a wedding in Sept, got married in Feb the following year. Cost about a grand. No regrets :) we didn't see the need for a big event, we wanted to be married rather than have a wedding.
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Same here, although ours ran to about £2000-2500 in the end.

I'd been made redundant after 12 years with the same employer earlier in the year, so I had a sizeable redundancy payout that covered a lot of it. We took the view that there was only a certain sum we could dedicate to it and we didn't want to be paying for it for the next 5-10 years. Not only that, whether you spend £2000 or £20000, it doesn't make the marriage any more guaranteed to last - and I'm of the opinion that a lot of people who spend a lot of dosh on a wedding do so because they feel they have to to keep up with the Jones's.

We'd been living together and been engaged for years and the subject of a wedding came up completely randomly while we were sat in our local curry house one night. The planning took about 18 months - I often said at the time that there'd been wars fought with less planning than our wedding - and it was mostly the missus and her Mum that sorted it. We knew what we wanted and stuck to it, no matter how much my mother-in-law said "Oooo, you've got to do this ..." or "You've got to have one of those ..."

We didn't feel that we skimped on anything - although we've been to far grander weddings since - and when we look back on it now 12 years later, there isn't a thing we'd do differently. Being together and having your relationship formalised in front of the world is the important thing, not how much it costs.
 
Lysander said:
You do get a lot of people giving you their opinion on how they want your day to go. Not how they think it should go, but how they want it to go, especially parents.
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My mum was the only person to poke her nose in but she didn't get her way.
She was horrified me and Mrs Dimple had met in church in 1972 but 8 years later we were atheists.
This is one point that really rubs me up the wrong way - the amount of unbelievers who get married in church.
Church weddings are for those that believe in a God as far as I'm concerned.


Adnams Drinker said:
and I'm of the opinion that a lot of people who spend a lot of dosh on a wedding do so because they feel they have to to keep up with the Jones's.
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This 100%.
Bragging rights for women because most men don't give a toss.
 
Dimple said:
This is one point that really rubs me up the wrong way - the amount of unbelievers who get married in church.
Church weddings are for those that believe in a God as far as I'm concerned.
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I have to plead guilty on that one I'm afraid - I am most definitely an atheist, but being a bit old school about certain things, I just felt a church was the appropriate place for the more solemn part of the day. I know nowadays you can have the ceremony just about anywhere, but it wouldn't have felt right anywhere other than a church. I fully understand that makes me a massive hypocrite in the eyes of some people - guilty as charged! However, despite my missus being only marginally less atheist than I am, it was what both parties wanted.

Lysander said:
And the amount of women getting married in white which is supposed to represent maidenhood and virginity.
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:D
 
A wedding is always one of those situations where you see 'reverse snobbery' - people turning their nose up because something cost a lot. On the internet wedding threads always turn into a willy waving session to say who got theirs the cheapest and how great it was.

I've never been married, but it's something I've always noticed. Personally I don't see the problem if you've got the money.
 
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Adnams Drinker said:
I have to plead guilty on that one I'm afraid - I am most definitely an atheist, but being a bit old school about certain things, I just felt a church was the appropriate place for the more solemn part of the day. I know nowadays you can have the ceremony just about anywhere, but it wouldn't have felt right anywhere other than a church
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There's also the fact that a lot of churches are just ****** beautiful buildings with a great atmosphere, excellent acoustics and a superbly photogenic exterior.

:)
 
Evangelion said:
There's also the fact that a lot of churches are just ****** beautiful buildings with a great atmosphere, excellent acoustics and a superbly photogenic exterior.

:)
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So go and find something non religious but equally or more photogenic.
A friend of mine got married on a beach in New Zealand earlier this year.
 
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