Anyone been divorced with kids ?

Stolly

Stolly

Stolly

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I'm going through the process...am separated now.

Soon-to-be-ex is asking me to pay halves towards kids expenses, school trips, clothes etc etc....i'm left thinking, what the hell is child maintenance for and have told her no. Cue the "well its your kids loosing on on trips" guilt trip.

She's got custody, she wanted it. I pay child maintenance as per CSA guidelines. I'm of the opinion that its her responsibility therefore to provide for them, partly through my payments.

How do arrangements work for other divorced couples with kids ?
 
Stop thinking about your money and start thinking about your kids!!!

Best will be for both of you with your wife to have some common sense and get together again. Do not be selfish, angry of her for whatever reason, do not come back to the old mistakes you both have done. Love each other, enjoy each other. Put the interest of your familybefore yours no mater if they deserve it or not. They are your family!!!
 
Stolly said:
I pay child maintenance as per CSA guidelines. I'm of the opinion that its her responsibility therefore to provide for them, partly through my payments.
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Is the child maintenance enough to pay to house and feed the kids and also cover expenses such as school trips etc?

Your options are pretty limited, either stick to the maintenance and the kids may suffer or pay some more towards it.
 
Kinda depends on whether she's asking for money because she's not using your payments right, or whether the kids would actually benefit from a bit more... then it kinda depends on you.
 
yasen78 said:
Best will be for both of you with your wife to have some common sense and get together again. Do not be selfish, angry of her for whatever reason, do not come back to the old mistakes you both have done. Love each other, enjoy each other. Put the interest of your familybefore yours no mater if they deserve it or not. They are your family!!!
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And back in to the real world having parents resenting each other and not getting on with each other is probably going to be worse for the kids than having parents that are separated.
 
yasen78 said:
Stop thinking about your money and start thinking about your kids!!!

Best will be for both of you with your wife to have some common sense and get together again. Do not be selfish, angry of her for whatever reason, do not come back to the old mistakes you both have done. Love each other, enjoy each other. Put the interest of your familybefore yours no mater if they deserve it or not. They are your family!!!
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Its important for children to be brought up in unhappy households amirite ?
 
RDM said:
Is the child maintenance enough to pay to house and feed the kids and also cover expenses such as school trips etc?

Your options are pretty limited, either stick to the maintenance and the kids may suffer or pay some more towards it.
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Its over £400 a month, plus her wage, plus child benefit, plus she got nearly all the equity in the former marital home so the kids have a "owned" place to live.

Its what she agreed to, and its at least the same as i spent on them previously. I'm think its ample but needs to be managed properly. I'm just wondering if other people in the same situation paid child support, or child support plus these ad hoc payments.
 
I have 2 step daughters and their dad pays half of all major purchases such as trips, opticians, dentist etc.

Normal expenses such as clothes, food, travel etc are paid from the maintenance.
 
Stolly said:
She's got custody, she wanted it. I pay child maintenance as per CSA guidelines. I'm of the opinion that its her responsibility therefore to provide for them, partly through my payments.
Click to expand...

As a father, it is also your responsibility to look after YOUR children. Pay whatever it takes to ensure they have a good upbringing.
 
You have no obligation to give her any more money apart from the child support you already pay. If I were you I'd pay these supposed school trips directly yourself and also be wary depending on how much you pay, there may be foul play.

Just read your reply above. £400 is a big enough contribution where she shouldn't be asking for anymore seeing as you could easily feed and cloth a single child on that and she's supposed to be putting in more than £400 towards them seeing as she wanted custody and she's in receipt of child benefit.
 
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tell her you will gladly take the kids full time if she isnt prepared to make the sacrafices needed.

It sounds like she wants to pay her "half" from your child maintenance and then you pay the other half from your own wallet..........
 
All i can say is this i went out with a divorced woman, she was milking her X for money using the kids.
If i get married and divorced i'll make sure that the kids live in the house but once they leave she goes aswell.
 
I can understand both sides of this predicament. You owe it to your children to provide them with a decent quality of life yet at the same time their mother wanting custody and responsibility of them should share some of the financial load too.

My parents divorced and my father paid more than was necessary but not more than what was required unless there was a special expense etc. He was a brilliant father (unfortunately no longer with us) because he cared about my brother and I endlessly and put aside any resentment and bitterness from the divorce and did what was best for us.

You should do the same. Unless of course your ex wife is quite comfortable financially and just trying to fleece you.
 
Yes my divorce came through earlier this year

I was bringing home £700 a month and after all my bills and stuff had been paid i was left with about £150. I gave my ex £100 maintainance. Not a lot, but all i had. She did ask for more but i simply didnt have it. She wouuld say she was skint, but i said she should use her child benefit and child tax credits to get the kids stuff.

She got £260 a week ( £60 child benefit and £200 child tax credit ) with no bills to pay ( her other half pays the bills from his wages ) so i think she can afford shoes, uniforms and stuff without taking my last £50 off me

EDIT : In the divorce papers theres a section about arrangements for the kids and when you will have them and stuff
 
Stolly said:
Its over £400 a month, plus her wage, plus child benefit, plus she got nearly all the equity in the former marital home so the kids have a "owned" place to live.
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Wow, just wow. She's taking the **** if she considered milking you for more. Remember, she gets tax credits as well as the child benefits (both working tax credits element and the child element). She shouldn't be asking for more.
 
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Do what you can do while still living comfortably yourself. You still have a life to lead too. The child maintenance covers her feeding/clothing/buying the usual stuff that life with children entails. After all, When/if the children are in your care you would still have to pay to look after them. I don't think she would hand you back any money to buy them a meal or a toy etc. That would come out of your own pocket. Schools don't have a lot of trips for them to go on. If it was anything under £200 I'd tell her to budget for it. She is receiving a steady £400 a month so it isn't hard at all. Anything over I would say it would be better to contribute and be involved.

The problem you have to watch out for it the child maintenance money getting spent on bills. It's not uncommon for it to be spent on a £100/month full sky package and a new contract Iphone...Just saying.
 
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