Dealing with the prospect of becoming a parent

Frozennova · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:10

Firstly I apologise for the ramble.

My girlfriend spend most of yesterday in A&E due to some minor issues with her Type 1 diabetes. While she was there they did a routine pregnancy test which came back as positive. This leaves us in a position where we may prospectively become parents, until she has been to her GP etc so we know how far gone etc we have no idea what are options are.

This was in no way planned and she has been on the pill since day 1 so we have always been cautious etc as she has applied for uni to start in September and neither of us had planned on children until we we're around 25 (Currently 21 and 20)

Subliminal Aura · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:13

ManLoveRulesOK said:
where we may prospectively become parents

I was going to congratulate your both.

Morba · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:15

Congrats. Time to grow up and make some real decisions in life

Frozennova · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:18

Thanks, until we know exactly where we stand we aren't going to make a final decision.

I know how I feel and would like to go through with it, however she is unsure how she feels and whether it is the "right" time for her. Once we've been to the GP we will talk it over and go from there.

VoG · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:19

ManLoveRulesOK said:
Firstly I apologise for the ramble.

If you consider what little you posted to be a ramble, you've clearly not been paying attention to some of the excrutiating drivel posted in GD over the years.

Now, in all seriousness, i wouldn't even contemplate the prospect of being a parent until you've had another test to confirm it, then more importantly, sat down with the gf & asked her what she wants to do, in short, don't start stressing over something that may or may not be about to happen, until you know it actually is going to happen.

pingwing · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:20

On the one hand congratulations, on the other make sure you go to your gp asap and make sure a. its for real, b. its what you want and c. you have reviewed your options.

At 20/21 having a child is a MASSIVE step and change in your life and commits you both together for a long time.

To sound bleak it might just be a false positive and if its not there are options where you don't have to have the child, make sure you at least consider them, I know at that age there is no way I could even have begun to cope with the possibility of being a parent.

RDM · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:20

Obviously you first need to find out if your girlfriend is actually pregnant.

Once that is done then your girlfriend has a decision to make, to make that decision you will both need to consider what the options and impacts are, what support is available. You may need or want to talk to parents or other trusted people for advice.

However the final decision will rest with your girlfriend and you should be aware that whilst you can tell her your wishes or preferences you cannot force her to take on choice or the other.

ci_newman · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:20

^^ What he said.

No point in worrying about something until you have all of the information available!

Kimi · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:21

Congratulations!

On the pill since day 1 tho, man i need to be even more careful, my previous gf and i always realied on it

Frozennova · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:23

The first step will be the GP when she is out of hospital later today.

The test done as the hospital was done twice as she was in so much shock. I wasn't there at the time.

At the moment I know that its not certain however I'm preparing myself early, I've spoke with somebody I trust about the matter last night which helped a great deal.

TommyV · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:23

life = over

omnomnom · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:24

Positive pregnancy test = positive. That is unless it is eptopic however thats rare....

Your girlfriend is pregnant dude, sounds early on and to be frank, you should know the options.

grumpysculler · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:24

There is a rarely a right time to have kids and if everyone waited until the felt ready, most people would end up waiting too long.

Kids are a huge responsibility but you can still acheive everything you wanted to acheive.

Take your time about any choices, there are a number of charities out there that can talk to you about your options.

Frozennova · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:24

TommyV said:
life = over

Depends how you look a life I guess, I've felt for a while now that life won't really begin until marriage,children and mortgage.

BennyC · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:25

To quote RDM, ultimately the final decision is hers but of course get your say in the matter.

If I were in your position, I know my preference but it's not relevant or required. I know that it vary's couple to couple but I think that 20/21 is not necessarily too young to have children but not the right time in most peoples lives.

Jono8 · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:25

This may sound harsh but if it was me, and i hadnt planned it, didnt have the financial stability to afford it, and there was a risk that i would resent it due to not completing what i wanted to do before i had planned on having a child, i would have an abortion.

(obviously this is something you both have to mutually agree on though)

Also, i'm not sure getting advice from this forum is the best way to help make you decision either.

Hank_Marvin · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:25

What was it like?

Bishie · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:27

You will find that life will very seldom go according to plan. Having a child isn't the end of the world, and many couples have made a success of their education or career in spite of an inopportune pregnancy. Certain compromises will have to be made of course, and so I would be inclined to discuss it with both of your parents before considering anything drastic.

Frozennova · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:29

BennyC said:
To quote RDM, ultimately the final decision is hers but of course get your say in the matter.

If I were in your position, I know my preference but it's not relevant or required. I know that it vary's couple to couple but I think that 20/21 is not necessarily too young to have children but not the right time in most peoples lives.

Exactly what I said to her when we briefly discussed it while I was visiting at the hospital yesterday.

Hank_Marvin said:
What was it like?

What was what like?

RDM · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:29

Jono8 said:
This may sound harsh but if it was me, and i hadnt planned it, didnt have the financial stability to afford it, and there was a risk that i would resent it due to not completing what i wanted to do before i had planned on having a child, i would have an abortion.

(obviously this is something you both have to mutually agree on though)

Also, i'm not sure getting advice from this forum is the best way to help make you decision either.

Are you female? Because if you are not then you don't actually get to make that decision. There is no mutual agreement here, one person makes the decision, the best the other can do is offer advice and suggest a preference.