Dealing with the prospect of becoming a parent

doofer · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:31

The hills, run for them.

Porceliamone · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:32

Basically you don't have a choice either way. Whether or not you become a father will be her decision.

It's good that you actually seem to want to be a father at all. Becoming one against your wishes will/would be a miserable situation to deal with...for potentially a very long time.

CosmicClown · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:32

RDM said:
Are you female? Because if you are not then you don't actually get to make that decision. There is no mutual agreement here, one person makes the decision, the best the other can do is offer advice and suggest a preference.

stfu you sexist belend, ofc there is mutual agreement.

Frozennova · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:33

CosmicClown said:
stfu you sexist belend, ofc there is mutual agreement.

Lets be honest, there really isn't. Ultimately it is her decision, its her body at the end of the day. I can only give an opinion

Maccapacca · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:34

You'll never 'afford' a child
You'll never be 'prepared' for a child
There is no 'right' time to have a child

You stuck it in you live with it, we have two kids and I couldn't imagine them not being around, it's great it's terrible it's exhausting it's fun.

It's life

Porceliamone · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:35

CosmicClown said:
stfu you sexist belend, ofc there is mutual agreement.

Actually there's not. If the man says "no" and the woman says "yes" to seeing the pregnancy through then the man has had no say whatsoever in the final outcome, read: becoming a father.

RDM · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:37

CosmicClown said:
stfu you sexist belend, ofc there is mutual agreement.

There is only one person that can choose to have an abortion so please explain to me how it is a mutual decision?

She wants an abortion, you don't? She has an abortion.
She wants to keep the child, you don't? She keeps the child.

wesimmo · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:39

There are so many other factors you haven't shared that will influence your decision.

For example, how realistic is it that you can still go to uni, how much support, both financially and practically (childcare) will you get from family?

Only you know that full facts and therefore how much a baby will impact on your plans.

Frozennova · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:45

wesimmo said:
There are so many other factors you haven't shared that will influence your decision.

For example, how realistic is it that you can still go to uni, how much support, both financially and practically (childcare) will you get from family?

Only you know that full facts and therefore how much a baby will impact on your plans.

I understand, this is exaclty what I said in an earlier post. Also its her that has applied for uni not me.

FerretBoy · 7 Feb 2013 at 12:47

Take one day at a time. Get all the facts and make informed decisions. It's all any sane person can do and none of us gets it perfect.

TommyV · 7 Feb 2013 at 13:11

ManLoveRulesOK said:
Depends how you look a life I guess, I've felt for a while now that life won't really begin until marriage,children and mortgage.

True, all down to perspective.

But purely IMO, 21 is a very young age to have a child. But everyone is different, my step sister had a child at 18 and is perfectly happy.

eatcustard · 7 Feb 2013 at 13:29

You dont need to go to a Dr's to get a preg test, just get one from chemist.

Frozennova · 7 Feb 2013 at 13:33

eatcustard said:
You dont need to go to a Dr's to get a preg test, just get one from chemist.

Can you not read, 2 tests have already been done at the hospital. We need to go to the GP to find out how far gone she is etc

cHk4 · 7 Feb 2013 at 13:36

Unlucky.

mattyprice4004 · 7 Feb 2013 at 13:36

I have a 16 month old daughter - she's awesome.
At the time it was the most daunting prospect imaginable, but now I wouldn't change it.

Enjoy :cool:

shoes · 7 Feb 2013 at 13:38

OP, do you have any hobbies, interests, a social life, anything which requires spare time and disposable income......

If so, you can wave goodbye to them for a good few years.

wesimmo · 7 Feb 2013 at 13:44

shoes said:
OP, do you have any hobbies, interests, a social life, anything which requires spare time and disposable income......

If so, you can wave goodbye to them for a good few years.

Don't scare the poor guy any more than he already is!

From my experience, including having to actually move 180 miles to live with my girlfriend after our daughter was born, yes you have less free time and less free money, but as soppy as it sounds, i couldn't care less.

Time spent with my daughter > every night down the pub + all my cash on laddish toys. Just get the balance right.

Liquiduk · 7 Feb 2013 at 13:47

shoes said:
OP, do you have any hobbies, interests, a social life, anything which requires spare time and disposable income......

If so, you can wave goodbye to them for a good few years.

Thread posters provide hope...

Shoes comes and tombstones it in to the floor with no hope of a life, I disagree a life still can be led with hobbies but you just have a much higher priority in life.

Frozennova · 7 Feb 2013 at 13:48

shoes said:
OP, do you have any hobbies, interests, a social life, anything which requires spare time and disposable income......

If so, you can wave goodbye to them for a good few years.

Its all being piled into paying off debt at the moment my social life etc just requires time, so I'll be debt free by the time the baby arrives if we do keep it. Just means the new car I was going to save for once I'm debt free won't be happening. A 1JZ Soarer won't be cheap to run

Shayper · 7 Feb 2013 at 13:55

Apparently ManLoveDoesn'tRuleOk

Dealing with the prospect of becoming a parent

Tea Drinker