Do you legally have to notify partner of child?

Craterloads

Craterloads

Craterloads

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Long story short, a girl I know was married to a guy for about a year. It didn't work out for numerous reason and they separated, not on good terms. Turns out girl was pregnant at the time of separation, father was unaware. She gave birth a few days ago and girl has stated she will not allow the father to know the child exists. Registering baby as father unknown, giving baby a different second name, and plans to tell child once she's grown up her biological father is dead ( insert other nastys here)

As a man or any parent I'm pretty furious at her, the father has every right to know in my opinion. I'm in two minds about telling him my self but really need to mind my own business. She's been plotting for a while, sending leading texts in hope for abusive texts in reply so she can save them and use as evidence if he was to ever find out about child (which he wasn't)

Was just wondering if there was a legal duty to notify the father, especially given mother will be claiming benefits as a single parent, surely CPS will want to know?

(Typed on phone)

Update here. Father now is aware of said child.
 
mejinks said:
She sounds just like scatty mumsnet fodder TBH,
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this tbh


plenty of scatty lunatics over there


she holds all the cards legally, personally i'd do the decent thing and at least let the father know he has a child, his choice from then on
 
I'd do the decent thing and ignore it. He's in for a life of misery having anything to do with this woman.

She'll no doubt make it known to him when she needs some cash anyhow.

Craterloads said:
Was just wondering if there was a legal duty to notify the father, especially given mother will be claiming benefits as a single parent, surely CPS will want to know?
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You mean the CSA. If she won't tell, there's nothing the authorities can do to force her.
 
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She doesn't have to tell the father, but giving false information (ie telling the registrar that the father is unknown when this is not the case) would, at least did, constitute an offence.
 
Sounds like the kind of person that when she needs or wants to, goes after child maintainance costs from him after years of refusing to tell him he ever had a kid.

Women are god damned stupid, the chances of the father being given sole custody or anything are almost non existant, the chances her lying will screw up her kid, huge.

You think its hard to google your parents today, what about in 16 years, what does she think will happen when in 16 years her kid googles her, does some math, realise that she was separated less than 9 months before he/she was born, realises thats who the father was, resents the mother forever, looks for the dad, either is welcomed by the dad and kid might decide to cut contact with mum, or the dad rejects kid and kid is utterly screwed up by it.... there is no good way to find out crap like that.

Secrets that can be REALLY easily found out, are not worth keeping, lying to the kid for 10+ years before the kid goes digging will only cause problems.

So the kid will almost certainly find out, thats a given, however, she can tell the dad now, say she was scared and hormonal, let him not miss his kids early years, be civil about it, or the dad finds out in 5 years, it goes straight to lawyers and everyone hates each other and makes the kids life hell.
 
Stretch said:
I'd do the decent thing and ignore it. He's in for a life of misery having anything to do with this woman.

She'll no doubt make it known to him when she needs some cash anyhow.



You mean the CSA. If she won't tell, there's nothing the authorities can do to force her.
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Yep CSA, surely they would want the father to pay child support instead of it coming entirely from benifits. Was hoping they use some common sense and check with her previous husband.
 
malfunkshun said:
She doesn't have to tell the father, but giving false information (ie telling the registrar that the father is unknown when this is not the case) would, at least did, constitute an offence.
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I would hope so and question if she is even of sound mind to have a child
 
So in this case, if in say 4-5 years "mum" does decide she wants money off the father and goes to the CSA - can they then force him to back pay for 4-5 years worth of maintenance?

I use quotes, because to be honest it doesn't sound like she's fit to be a mother. :mad:
 
Craterloads said:
Yep CSA, surely they would want the father to pay child support instead of it coming entirely from benifits. Was hoping they use some common sense and check with her previous husband.
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They will defiantly ask and they may request a DNA test to prove he's not.

I don't think it matters anyhow. I doubt she'll be able to keep the lie going for long.
 
Haggisman said:
So in this case, if in say 4-5 years "mum" does decide she wants money off the father and goes to the CSA - can they then force him to back pay for 4-5 years worth of maintenance?

I use quotes, because to be honest it doesn't sound like she's fit to be a mother. :mad:
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NO! they can only ask for it to be backdated to the point that the mother asked for them to look into it.

I wouldn't tell him she's had a baby I would however hint that someone said she was pregnant.

Don't forget its NOT your news to break.

Its not like someone's clipped a wing mirror this IS life changing.

He may choose that the new babies life may be better without the constant fighting between mum and dad.

She sounds very bitter
 
She is playing a dangerous game. Reading this has made me feel angry and I don't know anyone involved. If this actually happened to me, I genuinely don't know that I could control my rage.

She is the lowest of the low, punishing an ex because she is bitter and worse, denying a child its father in the process? Borderline evil. I hope that she dies and that the child goes to the father. And I'm not just saying that - I would be pleased if that happened.

Edit - oh yes, and I would tell the father if it was me. If she wants to play the "I'm going to do really ****** things because its legal" game, then I would point out that unless you are this woman's doctor, you are fully entitled to tell anyone anything shes told you.
 
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drunkenmaster said:
Sounds like the kind of person that when she needs or wants to, goes after child maintainance costs from him after years of refusing to tell him he ever had a kid.
This is exactly what happened to my uncle.

She turns up at the door with an 8 year old kid. Oh by the way, this is your daughter, I'd like you to pay maintenance please.

Paternity test goes through saying it's his. He was actually pretty happy, couldn't wait to get to know her etc.

Mum then decides, no sorry, you can't see her it would be too upsetting for her after she's been raised by another man for 7 years. Thanks for the maintenance cheques though and we look forward to receiving christmas and birthday presents for her.
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Craterloads said:
Long story short, a girl I know was married to a guy for about a year. It didn't work out for numerous reason and they separated, not on good terms. Turns out girl was pregnant at the time of separation, father was unaware. She gave birth a few days ago and girl has stated she will not allow the father to know the child exists. Registering baby as father unknown, giving baby a different second name, and plans to tell child once she's grown up her biological father is dead ( insert other nastys here)

As a man or any parent I'm pretty furious at her, the father has every right to know in my opinion. I'm in two minds about telling him my self but really need to mind my own business. She's been plotting for a while, sending leading texts in hope for abusive texts in reply so she can save them and use as evidence if he was to ever find out about child (which he wasn't)

Was just wondering if there was a legal duty to notify the father, especially given mother will be claiming benefits as a single parent, surely CPS will want to know?

(Typed on phone)
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2 things - sounds like the type of girl you want to have sex with (kidding)
and
#2 - I grew up without a father and would have given anything to have one; if my mom made this kind of stuff up and then I found out I actually did have a dad - not sure I would forgive her.

you got a choice you help make the child a better person (although I dont know the dad) or you dont.
 
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