Is it weird I don't want kids at 32?

Oxide™

Oxide™

Oxide™

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My wife is 33 - she has been wanting kids for years now but I'm not feeling compelled to have them :confused:

I was (known in South Africa) as a 'laat lammetjie' (late lamb) where my parents had me during their mid 40's and I had much older siblings than me so to have kids when I'm like 38 is quite normal in my eyes. I turned out alright (in the end)

But the thing is, I don't think I really want kids :eek: I mean no offense to anyone who does/has them but to me they are quite annoying and I feel your 'life ends' when you have them, am I being selfish?

My best friend had a baby 1 year ago and we hardly see them as she never has a babysitter (and she lives with her mom atm saving for a house). I can't but feel *South Afican accent* 'sorry for you' :(

And then the there's my real fear in life of losing my wife during child birth, It's rare but it still happens - there was a guy on pop idols a few years back whose wife died during child birth which I think is the most tragic thing that could happen - given the choice of baby or wife I'd have to choose my wife - is this wrong?

Everyone says I would be a great dad but I just don't have the urge for kids at all. Maybe one day I will but I'm 32 - what if that day never comes? My poor wife desperately wants them though, I don't think having kids just for the sake of it or to conform to society is the right way do go about it though.

Even if I did want them I'm not financially secure enough (still rent) to afford them and the costly child minder expenses etc.

Aarg what to do
 
No, it's completely normal. It's probably worse to have kids because you feel like you ought to. But really, this is something you need to talk through with your partner.
 
If your misses really wants them and is 33 and you are still putting it off, maybe you need to have a long think about whether you both want the same things out of life as holding her back from kids is a killer for a relationship in the long run!
 
I'd say its normal, but then me and my friends are in the same situation as you.

As long as it isn't effecting your relationship, otherwise you'll need a pretty serious discussion.
 
You need to discuss this with your wife, as it's going to be a very big issue unless she feels exactly the same way.

You don't have the same constraints as herself remember, so when you're in your 40's & 50's you can easily change your mind, she can't.
 
If she wants kids and you don't, then the 'done' thing is just buy her some exotic house cat or a pampered pooch instead.
 
My wife conceived when I was 32. I certainly wasn't in any hurry to have children, as its a big change in your life.

However, it was a good time for us, as all of our friends were also having children, we'd been together for 8 years, we'd moved into our 'family home', it just felt like a good time. I too was terrified of loosing my wife during child birth too. Even up to the point of labour, if I could have 'stopped it' I would have.

I hate other peoples children too. They're annoying. Plus - it means I'm now officially 'old'. I will never again get much more than socks and Lynx for a Christmas (although I now manage to buy myself something every year to make up for it).

But having your own child it is completely different. I absolutely adore my son. Despite the extra work, expense and the big changes to your life - there really is nothing like looking into your own childs eyes and feeling the pure innocence and unquestioned love. Coming home after work to a big hug, and cuddles on the sofa while watching Peppa Pig (thank god for Sky Go on the iPad, and headphones) is absolutely priceless.

But, you're only 32 - you're still young and if you're not ready, you're not ready. You're in no rush. However, I guess my wife is 7 years younger than me, so it did allow me a bit more time. You're wife's biological clock is going to be thumping like mad!
 
Also, I'd question it ending your life, I'd say (from the perspective of someone that doesn't have children and wouldn't want them quite yet either (23) :D) that surely its not life ending, merely entering into another phase?

Sort of the way I'm leaving university to go and join the world of work, driving, living differently, my life is changing. I won't have as much free time, lots of pretty girls around me constantly etc etc, but its just a different phase.

Meh, just make sure you discuss it HONESTLY with your wife.
 
We have discussed this and she agrees that we aren't financially secure yet and that we need to prioritise our own house first but when the time does come all I'll think about is losing her on the delivery table (morbid I know but it's a real fear of mine) and what if I don't even like my own kid? (It could be transgender or gay) or even worse ginger :(




Everything after ...my own kid?' was a joke btw
 
Oh, and you can NEVER afford them.

Having family and a good support network nearby is really useful. Especially when it comes to babysitting, etc.
 
Oxide™ said:
We have discussed this and she agrees that we aren't financially secure yet and that we need to prioritise our own house first but when the time does come all I'll think about is losing her on the delivery table (morbid I know but it's a real fear of mine) and what if I don't even like my own kid? (It could be transgender or gay) or even worse ginger :(

Everything after ...my own kid?' was a joke btw
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Life is one big risk, and I would say most people are never ready, as there is never a perfect time haha.
 
Morba said:
If your misses really wants them and is 33 and you are still putting it off, maybe you need to have a long think about whether you both want the same things out of life as holding her back from kids is a killer for a relationship in the long run!
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This. If she wants kids, you can't leave it that long, as fertility simply don't work that way. If in the future you change your mind / otherwise relent, and you've left it too late, that's going to be difficult for both of you to come to terms with. Talk to her, not us!
 
There is absolutely no reason to WANT to have kids in XXI century. In terms of planned decision, it's still done, as a lifestyle choice, but reasons to specifically want a child, especially for men, no longer come into equation, for about 40-50 years now.
 
If you don't want kids, you don't want kids, nothing wrong with that. You really need to square this with the wife though. Chances are if you love her enough she'll be having your babies. :p
 
Oxide™ said:
What if I don't even like my own kid? (It could be transgender or gay) or even worse ginger :(
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I'm just imagining in the delivery room, being handed your son for the first time, and you holding it at arms length, with a look of disgust, proclaiming "Ew -this baby's gay" :p
 
If your child being gay would be a big issue for you, you are probably better off not having kids tbh.
 
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