Is it weird I don't want kids at 32?

v0n said:
No, in this century, a planned parenthood is a pure lifestyle choice. Even if we leave alone the "pregnancy as a method to get more rooms and money out of powers that be" scenarios and focus purely on middle and upper class fully planned pregnancies. It is still a lifestyle choice, ie. you get a house, a car, a pet or a kid, or both and you make your life revolve around one or the other for number of years.

In planned scenario most people decide to have kids for no other reason than to complete set up of their nest/house, as an alternative person "to love" in ones life. In case of most families lifestyle choices follow career first, for a decade, then go into "house making" mode in second decade, to which gradually one adds a cat, a labrador, and up to two children. But also, to put it brutally, as a method of repairing the nest. As a reboot of the "love" element in "house" environment after relationship strain following the "career years". This scenario is very pronounced in UK where average age of middle class pre-planned parenthood age goes up with every decade, and now oscillates in late 30ies and early 40ies.

It's no longer "want" as a existential requirement (in the way you "want" and pursue things in life - ie. "I want roof above head and food on my table for my family"), it's "want" in lifestyle sense and in cold hearted clinical terms, it's relatively selfish one - you make a decision to follow that lifestyle, together with accessories to play it - estate cars or 4x4's, nannies and extra space in household dedicated to "it", while relying on the rest of society to maintain the health of, educate and provide your child with a job or purpose in the future at considerable cost of many not being able to afford this lifestyle in their lifetime.

All of the above make me sound like a heatless a-hole, and I hate myself for saying this, but in purely sociological terms, in 21st century, in our lifetime, as the society ages and the costs of maintaining 0-21 age group far outgrows costs of maintaining retired age group (happens already) we will see reverse of all policies surrounding children and encouragement to "have" children. Couples will be financially rewarded for not having one (already happens in some countries). And as soon as free education and financial support for children is revoked, "kid" lifestyle will be replaced with open top sports car and holiday homes as lifestyle choice.
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Whilst I think you make some valid points I think in relation to your final point this is unlikely to ever happen.

In an ageing society where they need people of a working age to support an older society with massive pension requirements then reducing or stopping the number of children born would be insane. China is already releasing a lot of the strings attached to their own one kid system and it only grows more liberal as time goes by.

Increasing life spans might delay child birth as you suggest but for a government to advocate no child birth will never happen, or if it does it will be a single generation thing before the obvious is spelt out to them in mile high neon letters.
 
Im similar, Im 26 and well I cant see myself having children for at least 10 years. Need to find a gf first :p but also I just find babies annoying and would feel I wouldnt be able to do anything I want, like I can right now.

When I do find that someone and sort my life out by getting my own place to live...we will see.

Although my father, who is 57, told me a few days ago his wife (not my mum) is pregnant, I think she's in her 40's. So Im gonna have a lil sis/bro 27 years younger than me :eek:
 
I'm the same boat as the OP, really. I feel nothing for children. I don't dote on them, and I feel anxious, frustrated and annoyed when I'm forced to interact with them at any age below, say 12.

I'm 30, the wife's 31. She wants children at some point, yet I've maintained for years that I don't. She just keeps waiting until I'm "ready" but, in all honesty, I have absolutely no desire to add more stress, restrictions, and time sinks into my life than I already have. None whatsoever -- no matter how "emotionally rewarding" people may say it is.

Worst case scenario, and it's all that I think of, is being handed a wailing child in a delivery theater and feeling nothing for it whatsoever but "hey, a baby, check it out". From that moment on, I may be able to act like the model parent and caring father but under the surface I'll be seething mass of turmoil, regret and resentment at having put that final nail in the coffin of everything I've ever hoped to do or achieve in my utterly unremarkable existence. Basically, a self-made extension of what I do most of every day, but letting it bleed into and consume every waking minute. I'd end up hanging from the rafters or going for a very long walk into the ocean.

Others have said here, and I think it's true, that come the mid-40s/50s without children she'll come to resent the fact that I didn't let it happen. I could be perfectly happy without kids, but she'll hate the very air I breathe. Perhaps that's not true, but it's a worry. It's just a pity that every time I tell her outright that I have no desire right now, nor any forseeable desire for at least the next six years, to even entertain the fleeting thought of a child, she shirks it off with a "that's worrying" or "we'll get there", "I'm not quite ready either, but we'll do it some day" etc.
 
I'm surprised she hasn't left you to be honest, shes at the age where she will start to really evaluate her life and your relationship. Maybe you should set her free?

My friend got to like 26 or so and his partner was 31 they were together a long time. She wanted kids and he didn't so he ended the relationship, shortly after she got married and had a child. He did the honorable thing of putting her needs 1st, to be honest though he is a rare breed of person who looks at life in a very unselfish way.
 
Pestilence said:
under the surface I'll be seething mass of turmoil, regret and resentment at having put that final nail in the coffin of everything I've ever hoped to do or achieve in my utterly unremarkable existence.
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What do you hope to do that a child will prevent you from doing?
 
i would also like to add that at 28 i was terrified but now ive got this little princess and i cant imagine my life without her in it, im 33 now and shes 5 next month. You dont realise what love truly is until you have a child of your own

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The above photo pretty much sums it up.

No matter how terrifying fatherhood may be, it is the most rewarding thing you will ever have in life.

When it comes to finances you should never worry about being "skint" because there is always help or options available for you should you need it.
 
sigma said:
What do you hope to do that a child will prevent you from doing?
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Travel a bit. Make an attempt at an alternative career doing something I love. A career that I haven't been able to pursue due to how our lives went after Uni and the need to keep regular cash coming in.

Both of which will take financial backing that we aren't close to yet. Hell, we've never even been to US, or outside the EU for that matter, on holiday due to spending our entire twenties working our way up professional ladders and building debt while doing so, unfortunately.

Now we're about 6 months to a year away from putting that all behind us and banking some cash. So that's about a year and a bit of saving after that for a blow-out US road trip and then begin to focus on making enough bank that a) we can move from the crap hole area we live in (I wouldn't want to raise children around here) and b) I can move to part-time work and focus on a potential career for a year. Looking at it realistically, that's upwards of a 7-year plan right there before kids can even begin to be considered. That makes it circa 37 to start even considering it, which may just be too late realistically. To do it any sooner would be to struggle through and waste all of these years that most people spend actually living their lives, only to blow it all away and ensure I'll be chained to a desk with a family to support until I die a grimacing, bitter old drunk.

Added to that is the fact that we just don't have any nearby family support structure. We live in the Midlands, her sister's family in London with some others around the Cambridge area. The rest (on both sides) are in Ireland. There's nobody to look out for us save a neighbour, which makes for severe childcare costs and, really, just nobody around to lean on when life takes a nasty turn.

That's not to mention the reality that there are genetic factors within her family, and she suffers from an immune syndrome which means regular injections and monitoring throughout pregnancy -- and even then there's still a compounded risk that something could go wrong. I have qualms in saying that I simply couldn't look after a mentally or severely physically disabled child. Absolutely no way on this Earth.

Mind you, I'm pretty much a career pessimist (or realist, as the case may be), so perhaps a kid would come out farting rainbows and make me cry condensed milk. No idea.
 
To those who say 'set her free' I think that is pretty narrow minded - we have been living with each other since we were 18 and are high school soul mates who love each other dearly.

At the end of the day things will work out, it's just the stress that's involved to get their and my own feelings of worry/finances/growing up/social life ending and security.

At this point in my life I pretty much echo what Pestilence said in post #43
 
It's not the same for women though is it? Come 30 and the clock starts ticking... Men don't really have to worry about that.
 
Im 33, never wanted kids and 6 years ago found out I couldn't have them anyway, guess I'm one of the lucky ones. Husband supports me in this, we're happy being our own little family. You think it's weird being a bloke and not wanting kids, being a woman I have to suffer everything from sympathetic glances to being thought of as some kind of ogre.
 
Lysander said:
Travel.
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Why can't this be done when the kids are old enough? Or travel before they're born? Can't be that hard to 'travel' with kids, can it?


Lysander said:
Career development.
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Loads of people with 'careers' have kids.

Lysander said:
Independence.
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Agree with that one.

Obviously it depends on individual circumstances but it's hardly the end of the world in the majority of cases. Says he who has no kids :p
 
Castiel said:
we're blokes..we are never ready...until it happens.
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I don't feel that way. Started about 6 months ago when the ex left, I realised my fear of having kids pretty much came down to a fear of being stuck with her. I imagine having a little me could be awesome. I also see the benefit of not having them so whether I do or not will be down to whether I find a subtitle partner and whether or not she wants them.
 
My daughter made me a birthday card it had a cover with all of us (family) on it in colours with a sun and grass clouds, inside was "happy birthday daddy love isabelle" with some kisses and she wrote the envelope stuck it and decorated the front.

Yesterday she brought me her maths homework which was excellent and she got mad she got one wrong.

Every day she checks our potatoes that are chitting and tells me what they are like.

Every day she says be careful daddy when I go to work

My son has chicken pox and doesn't want any more breakfast baths (porridge)

She's 4 he's 2

You don't know what you're missing
 
I was never sure myself. I am now 36 years old with a 40 year old missus and a 3 month old boy. It is proof that these things can happen later than the expected normal.

I always knew something was missing in my life but never actually thought it might be a child. I am so glad I him as he is my world now. The first time he properly smiled at me I had tears in my eyes. It is a very strange feeling becoming a father, but one that nothing I have ever experienced can beat. I have partied hard and done some incredible things in my life but this is the best by far.
 
I was sure I didn't want them from early 20s. 10 years later I still feel exactly the same. I get my fix from spending a lot of time with my niece who I love to bits, but then she's 12 and isn't a complete pain in the arse. Kids < 12 give me headaches, I seriously can't stand them. I think I'd be at risk of going postal with the sleep deprivation a baby would bring.

I've jumped ship from two relationships now with part of the reason being them wanting kids. I won't waste anyone's time if that's what they want. I'm just fiercely independent and don't want to be tied down. :p

It really annoys me how friends and family keep telling me how I will change my mind and how it's not "normal" to not want kids. Peer pressure is the worst part of the whole situation IMO. At least my mum's given up on the idea now.
 
When I was in my 20s I didn't want kids as I felt that I was too immature and was really worried about how much responsibility it would bring (as in, make a mistake and your child dies), and having no idea about what it would cost in financial terms (I wouldn't want to bring up my child 'slumming it'). However, thinking about it rationally, people have been successfully bringing up children for thousands of years in much worse circumstances than I could offer it. If some of the scum you see around can look after their kids well enough to see them reach adulthood, I'm sure I must be able to do the same.

My first child will (hopefully) arrive in the summer and while it is quite daunting, I've seen how relaxed and blase the majority of people get about their kids as time passes, so I'm sure after a while it will just feel like a normal part of life. I do look forward to things like walking around with my child having them asking questions about things - I get a strange high when I'm out and hear other parents who take the time to explain how things work to their children, rather than "SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP I'M TRYING TO SMOKE A FAG HERE".

One other thing that came to mind as well was thoughts about what will happen when I get older i.e. in 50 years time, I'd like to think that I'll have a family who would visit me, help me out with things etc in the same way that my grandparents were helped by our family. I think retirement could get pretty lonely without a family, once my mobility is reduced (i.e. can't just be out galavanting all the time).
 
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