Oddly I'm the one in my relationship that is getting to the point of wanting children. I've just turned 35 and my girlfriend is 32 a bit later this year. She isn't really interested in children and has desires to work abroad and have 'life experiences' / adventures etc. It does make for some difficult times and conversations when you both want different things. Personally I don't want to be an older dad and I'm fast heading that way. Also she isn't getting any younger but I accept her desires and understand why she thinks like she does. In my head raising children is something I would class as a life experience, but that is just how I see it. Everyone has their own view on things. Just find it funny that it's me wanting children and not her.
Is it weird I don't want kids at 32?
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Yes, that's exactly what it means and it's disgusting. Think about the child you're bringing up. Give it a good life rather than fulfilling your own selfish desire to spawn and then scrimp from the government to get by.
Soldato
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Won't anyone think of the children?
Quite the contrary, my parents are the sweetest/most loving people I know, my friends have always said what model parents they are. They are properly old now (late 70's) and seeing them go through my eldest brothers death (was 45) a few years ago was hard but they took it on the chin and life goes on with the rest of their 3 children. They had a rough patch when I was young but they stuck through it for the sake of their kids and are still married to this day.
Maybe another reason I don't want kids is when I was a teenager I was a massive **** to them (took them for granted, hung out with the wrong crowd, tried to kill my dad with a spade once as my dad really does know how to irritate the living bejeesus out of me and one day I kinda snapped after a really late night with mates. I just wanted to scare him is all not really kill him)
Man looking back on that incident what a total **** I was
My folks didn't deserve that at all - My wife says sometimes I remind her of my dad and some of his irritating mannerisms - what if my kid starts to resent me like I did to my dad? My dad was an awesome provider but living with him everyday was just too much that I had to move out when I left school for the sake of my sanity.I don't want to be like that to my kid
Touché and thanks for the good post that followed
We did discuss it, I said I didn't want kids then but may in the future - the problem is, it is the future now and I still don't feel compelled. In fact it's a conversation point my wife likes to bring up whenever we are around friends like I'm the freak or something.
+1 (not the last bit though). And by that I mean live a good life as you want to and not by what society expects of you (have kids, don't have kids - whatever floats your boat)
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I believe Dolph has a daughter at a guess maybe 2 now or around about there. And whilst I disagree with him on many things I have no doubt he is a good father to her. I will however laugh if she ends up at uni as quite the socialist doing media studies and joins the anti-fox hunting league or something of that ilk.
^^ This ^^
Soldato
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Interestingly, the sister-in-law (one with genetic syndrome that causes learning difficulties) just gave birth to her first last night. The wife txted me, "We have a new niece!". The only response I could come up with quickly was "Woohoo. Etc.".
Then the picture followed. Christ, babies are ugly things. Give me a puppy any day!
Then the picture followed. Christ, babies are ugly things. Give me a puppy any day!
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Another consideration would be opinion on the current size of the world's population.
There's also an argument as to whether it's right to be bringing more children into the world when there's currently so many in need of homes.
There's also an argument as to whether it's right to be bringing more children into the world when there's currently so many in need of homes.
Robosapien said:
I don't have exact numbers at hand, and my involvement in this thread cannot possibly justify doing data access requests to prop what I typed below with exact figures, but I promise you, anybody can verify everything below:
Last census numbers tell us that at this very point in time, in Britain, we've reached the point where we have IIRC about 10% more people between age of 0 and 19 sponsored by taxpayer than people of age between 60-100 entitled to be sponsored by tax payer. That's before we even count how many old people actually do receive state funding, ever since the default retirement age (formerly 65) has been phased out and most people can now work for as long as they want to or, as long as they can.
Additionally each and every child throughout first 20 years of their life depends on public funding to a much larger grand total sum than any person between 60 and 100 will ever have a chance to in their remaining life. Young cost many, many times more than old. Even when you consider medical costs. Or to put it blatantly - at the moment our old work for our young. Where it was supposed to be exact opposite. What's worse, the target is moving. More and more 20somethings are not working and need to be financially babysat.
This shortfall is at the moment manageable by making the old work longer, via ever increasing minimum pension age every few years and solid chunk is also offset by quiet and convenient "black economy" work migration.
However, from social engineering point of view, the only long term way of sustaining correct fiscal balance for the next 50 years would be to:
a) cut as many tax payer expenses in 0-20 group as possible - especially in later years, to force more young people into early work instead of further education at massive cost to taxpayer (already happened in UK, uni costs and all)
b) lower the taxes for the longest working/highest earning brackets and/or encourage long term wealth accumulation to make retirements self funded - via ISAs, hedging or partially offset private pensions, so people work longer and depend on private funds rather than state (already partially happened in UK, 50/50 private pension employer schemes for example)
c) encourage migration of adult workforce ie. let some other country sponsor their education and upbringing and import them as ready-to-go taxpayers (I will let you figure out if this already happened in UK)
d) encourage less births and thus reduce expense of first 18-20 years of each child born to tax payer.
Ask yourself this:
Your wife wants children yet you are being indecisive (over some pretty poor excuses against having children btw). She will either leave you or resent you for the rest of her life. Its harder to have hitch free pregnancies as you get older.
Edit : by the way, life doesn't end when you have children. It gets better.
Your wife wants children yet you are being indecisive (over some pretty poor excuses against having children btw). She will either leave you or resent you for the rest of her life. Its harder to have hitch free pregnancies as you get older.
Edit : by the way, life doesn't end when you have children. It gets better.
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Soldato
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why would it be weird if you dont want kids at 32.
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I’m 29 at the moment, will be 30 this year and I have no intention of having kids. Kids has never interested me, some of my friends now are having them. Yes, I get the usual “You never know, you might change your mind” Yet they don’t understand, not everyone in the world does or wants to have kids.
Thinking about it now, deep down from a male’s point of view, it may not have been their choice or a joint decision. When I get the guy at work who walks in or I get the text on my phone “I found out last night my misses is pregnant” and if I ask them was it planned, most of the time I get the response “nah, it just happen” I am seeing loads around my age or older end up being parents, not because they want to start a family and be complete but they don’t want to end up being old parents or feel they are getting old so they NEED to have a kids. To me, this is crazy!!
Even though I’m not interested in having kids but if I was. I make sure it was planned and the misses and I were ready. The last thing I want is to be another single parent or another guy, who has different kids by different women because I wasn’t ready or me and the other half no longer wanted to be together.
Thinking about it now, deep down from a male’s point of view, it may not have been their choice or a joint decision. When I get the guy at work who walks in or I get the text on my phone “I found out last night my misses is pregnant” and if I ask them was it planned, most of the time I get the response “nah, it just happen” I am seeing loads around my age or older end up being parents, not because they want to start a family and be complete but they don’t want to end up being old parents or feel they are getting old so they NEED to have a kids. To me, this is crazy!!
Even though I’m not interested in having kids but if I was. I make sure it was planned and the misses and I were ready. The last thing I want is to be another single parent or another guy, who has different kids by different women because I wasn’t ready or me and the other half no longer wanted to be together.
Soldato
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I'm 36 and the GF keeps bringing up the subject of kids. Everyone is different IMO.
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Probably why its better to have kids earlier.
Obviously if I was to have a child with Downs, I'd have to keep it, but it doesn't hurt to reduce the odds!
There are three kinds of people really:
1) Those who flat-out have no interest in having children
2) Those who may want children but are worried about the impact on their lifestyle / finances etc
3) Those who actively want children and are working towards this
The motives behind all three of the options are valid, it's just a pool that you fit into. This isn't a new trend either.
To the nay-sayers that are saying "it's a really bad time to bring a child into this world" - what about the period around the black plague? The period when the Romans invaded? The period of time where a vast majority of children wouldn't reach their second birthday? Both of our world wars? The cold war? The world will never be at peace, and there is ALWAYS going to be something just around the corner to fear.
[Edit] Just to add I am 27 and have a 14-month old son
1) Those who flat-out have no interest in having children
2) Those who may want children but are worried about the impact on their lifestyle / finances etc
3) Those who actively want children and are working towards this
The motives behind all three of the options are valid, it's just a pool that you fit into. This isn't a new trend either.
To the nay-sayers that are saying "it's a really bad time to bring a child into this world" - what about the period around the black plague? The period when the Romans invaded? The period of time where a vast majority of children wouldn't reach their second birthday? Both of our world wars? The cold war? The world will never be at peace, and there is ALWAYS going to be something just around the corner to fear.
[Edit] Just to add I am 27 and have a 14-month old son
As a parent myself I hate these kind of silly sweeping statements. I absolutely love being a father, but has my life got 'better'? It was pretty cool before and it's pretty cool now. It's 'different'. I certainly wouldn't change what I did in my 20s to become a father but I wouldn't change my life now either.
While life certainly doesn't end when you have kids it doesn't mean it's 'better' if you have them.