Relationships and genetic predisposition

krooton · 21 Mar 2013 at 13:37

Managed to catch a few too many episodes of Embarrassing Bodies over the past few weeks, and it made me wonder something.

How much would your partners genetic predispositions towards illnesses or conditions impact your long-term view of the relationship?

And I don't mean for those already in longer term things being married or with kids, but those only a few years or less in to a relationship.

If you found out your partner's family line had a very high chance of developing cancer, or dementia, or heart issues, etc., meaning that there is a good chance that they will suffer from it when they are older, and that they might pass those traits on to your children, would it make you reconsider your future plans?

Love is blind and all that, but would the knowledge that, by the time you are 50, there is a good chance that your partner would have severe mobility limitations, or have very poor eyesight, or early onset Alzheimers make you think differently?

Just a thought that popped in to my head, as from a gene perspective I'm in a good place (only really mild myopia that I suffer from), and I'm not sure how I would approach something like that.

BuffetSlayer · 21 Mar 2013 at 13:50

If you love someone it should be warts and all.

I don't see that finding out about the chances of my partner potentially getting an illness would ever change the way I feel about her. Nor would it have done in the 1st stages of our relationship. If anything it would make me appreciate the time we did have together even more.

If I knew before we met? I can't say for 100% as it is retrospective, but I am 99.9% sure it would not have made any difference.

That said, I tend to plod along day to day. I can see how someone with definite life goals could be affected by such information. But then what if 'the one' was someone who might die young?

Surely it would be better to live 10 years with them than 60 without?

RedMogg · 21 Mar 2013 at 13:54

My wife married me knowing that I'm on a shortened life span. Just means we get over arguments that much quicker...

jaybee · 21 Mar 2013 at 13:56

What an odd question. No.

King Damager · 21 Mar 2013 at 13:58

The only one I think that would make me think would be any infertility issues, or Huntingdons.

There's probably a few more, also, this isn't a blanket statement, just something I'd probably consider and weigh everything up.

kd

yhack · 21 Mar 2013 at 14:01

If they were allergic to, like, cheese, then yes.

Castiel · 21 Mar 2013 at 14:02

jaybee said:
What an odd question. No.

R.P.L · 21 Mar 2013 at 14:02

jaybee said:
What an odd question. No.

Why is it odd? I'm sure it matters to a lot of people, whether they admit it or not.
For me... I'm going to say that if I'm sure that she's right for me (or as sure as it's possible to be), I would take the plunge and hope it works out, although I can see how such things could put pressure on relationships.

tom_e · 21 Mar 2013 at 14:06

jaybee said:
What an odd question. No.

It's not that much of an odd question, it's built into us to go for traits that are linked to them being a suitable mate.

Dan Dan · 21 Mar 2013 at 14:09

Genuinely interesting question I think.

Im not sure how it would affect me, it will probably depend on the illness. For me personally I think infertility would be a issue but I dont know how i'd deal with it until it happened.

KaHn · 21 Mar 2013 at 14:10

I dont want kids so its pretty simple for me not to care about it.

KaHn

oulton · 21 Mar 2013 at 14:40

KaHn said:
I dont want kids so its pretty simple for me not to care about it.

KaHn

Yes but you may want them some time in the future!

I think we are in some ways trained by evolution into looking for a healthy mate. Context is important here though. My uncle has a very poorly wife (chrons), and their daughter my cousin has the same inherited condition. His son my cousin is also severely autistic, and I think his life is really bloody tough.

Brutally honest opinion: If you started dating a girl you really liked and found out she was almost certainly going to have a severe degenerative illness, would it make you think long and hard about what you would be getting into?

Yes it would.

TwsT · 21 Mar 2013 at 14:47

yhack said:
If they were allergic to, like, cheese, then yes.

LOL

McGray · 21 Mar 2013 at 14:51

I ditched my last missus as soon as I realised she had hayfever.

KaHn · 21 Mar 2013 at 14:56

oulton said:
Yes but you may want them some time in the future!

I think we are in some ways trained by evolution into looking for a healthy mate. Context is important here though. My uncle has a very poorly wife (chrons), and their daughter my cousin has the same inherited condition. His son my cousin is also severely autistic, and I think his life is really bloody tough.

Brutally honest opinion: If you started dating a girl you really liked and found out she was almost certainly going to have a severe degenerative illness, would it make you think long and hard about what you would be getting into?

Yes it would.

I'm approaching 30, I have never wanted kids (from the age of around 16) and really doubt I will be changing my mind.

KaHn

Pestilence · 21 Mar 2013 at 15:00

Probably wouldn't continue the relationship, but it can be useful if you find one with severe genetic predispositions.

Take my last girlfriend, for example. Her family had genetic predisposition to Alzheimer's, so I killed her, burned the body, ground the bones and then snorted them. Now I'm immune to everything except Herpes.

krooton · 21 Mar 2013 at 15:03

KaHn said:
I'm approaching 30, I have never wanted kids (from the age of around 16) and really doubt I will be changing my mind.

KaHn

Taking kids off the table then, what if you knew with almost certainty that when you are in your 50s and personally functioning fine, she could be suffering from a form of dementia, and you will slowly watch her slip away over the years?

Would you want to get in to a relationship where you would probably end up having to experience something that horrible?

BuffetSlayer · 21 Mar 2013 at 15:07

krooton said:
Taking kids off the table then, what if you knew with almost certainty that when you are in your 50s and personally functioning fine, she could be suffering from a form of dementia, and you will slowly watch her slip away over the years?

Would you want to get in to a relationship where you would probably end up having to experience something that horrible?

Well, surely one of you will have to experience it at some point? Be it in your 50's or maybe your 60's or 70's. True, the manner of the passing is so much more difficult with something like dementia, but is the loss any more (in real terms) because of it?

Unless of course, you are both killed outright in a freak accident one of you is going to have to watch/experience the other one die at some point.

So by that logic - why start a relationship ever?

krooton · 21 Mar 2013 at 15:12

BuffetSlayer said:
Well, surely one of you will have to experience it at some point? Be it in your 50's or maybe your 60's or 70's. True, the manner of the passing is so much more difficult with something like dementia, but is the loss any more (in real terms) because of it?

Unless of course, you are both killed outright in a freak accident one of you is going to have to watch/experience the other one die at some point.

So by that logic - why start a relationship ever?

Well that's why my angle was to do with almost guaranteed conditions, happening earlier than normal, and finding this out when you are still young and early in the relationship.

Yes, I could die later today, but I kinda like to live with a positive outlook, so knowing that something is going to be a big issue rings alarm bells in my risk-mitigation styled mind.

tom_nieto · 21 Mar 2013 at 15:14

What would happen if your wife had a terrible accident and subsequently developed mobility or mental health issues?