How often do you see your parents?

PaulStat · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:30

How often do you see your parents? I live about 90 miles away from my Mum, last year at the beginning of March my Dad died from a massive heart attack, it was sudden and completely unexpected given that he was very active, never smoked a day in his life and had a healthy diet. Since then I've been trying my best to see her as often as I can, initially every couple of weeks and more recently every 3-4 weeks. I should also mentioned I'm married and have a 2.5 year old boy so I have to take them into consideration too.

I did see her a couple of weeks ago and 1 week before that (anniversary of my Dad's death and then mothers day), unfortunately the next time I can see her won't be until towards the end of April and I'm feeling really quite bad about a 6 week gap! I haven't mentioned it yet as she's only just back from a week away herself in France not to mention I feel bad about to so I've been avoiding arranging it when she's hinted with things like 'whenever I see you next'.

Is 6 weeks that long? Ideally I'd like a 4 week max break, since my Dad died my Mum has said to me she'd like to see me more often as she apparently thinks I've never liked coming home as when Dad was alive a 5-6 week gap of seeing them was a fairly common thing, but it didn't matter that much as they had each other to keep themselves busy over weekends. It's not true that I don't like going to see her but we do have our own lives to lead as well, so I'm trying to come up with some balance of being the supportive son, husband, father. Gahhhh!

I'll probably call her later this evening to arrange a date but I'm not looking forward to it!

Joshct · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:34

Is it the travel that's the problem? If so, for your own, your mothers, and your childs sake i'd say just put up with the travel and go more often.

Not that i'm an authority on this whatsoever, i still live at home, looking to move out in the next year or two. But i'd like to think my children if / when i have them would see their grandma all the time (Afternoon babysitting on saturdays!).

It's a subjective subject, you might feel guilty because of the recent passing of your father, but if there's circumstances along with distance preventing weekly visits then you shouldn't be too harsh on yourself.

Russinating · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:37

Mine not very often. Probably see my mum every 2/3 months (she lives 100 miles away) and my dad every 4/6 months (though he lives in Abu Dhabi at the moment).

We're all happy with that as we all have our own lives.

tom_e · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:37

I can go 2-3 months without seeing my parents, and I hate using phones so it's not unheard of for there to be no communication between us for a couple of weeks at a time.
I do need to make more of an effort though as they're not going to be around forever.

bitslice · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:38

Set up Skype and talk more often.

Whatever you do you are still going to regret the time you didn't spend together.

Conscript · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:40

Pretty much every weekend and sometimes during the week as well, but then they live only 5 miles away and are between me and my workplace.

I'd just tell her that you do want to see her but have other commitments as well. If you don't get to see her as often as you like because of the distance, can you not make it a habit to at least give her a ring and have a chat on the phone once or twice a week? I imagine that would help a lot.

Duff-Man · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:42

I understand your situation, and why you would feel the way you do. Sometimes life gets in the way though - a 180 mile round trip is not always something you can fit in, especially with a young family.

I'd say just keep calling her regularly. It's important to visit on a fairly regular basis, but perhaps more important it to keep regular contact. A few brief phone calls each week can make all the difference, and will help your Mum feel that she's an integral part of your life, even if you don't see her for a while.

Do you have any brothers or sisters who can visit in the meantime?

edit: As for me, I see my parents probably once per month on average. I do talk to them pretty much every week though. They only live 35 miles away, but my brother still lives at home (despite turning 30 this year), so they don't really "need" me in that regard. I guess I tell them enough that they know vaguely what's happening in my life, but not enough that they have any reason to worry about me. They have enough on with my brother, so I'd rather them not have to stress about their other son.

bledd · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:45

Once a week if not more. I'd say I probably speak to either of them once a day.

Jono · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:46

bledd. said:
Once a week if not more. I'd say I probably speak to either of them once a day.

Same here. Feels wrong if I don't. Or at least speak to them every other day.

Oxide™ · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:47

every 3 years - they live in South Africa

But I call them every 2 weeks to catch up on the news

PaulStat · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:48

Conscript said:
Pretty much every weekend and sometimes during the week as well, but then they live only 5 miles away and are between me and my workplace.

I'd just tell her that you do want to see her but have other commitments as well. If you don't get to see her as often as you like because of the distance, can you not make it a habit to at least give her a ring and have a chat on the phone once or twice a week? I imagine that would help a lot.

I do call her every 2-3 days, I'm pretty rubbish on the phone though she does the vast majority of the talking. We also Skype a few times a month

Duff-Man said:
I understand your situation, and why you would feel the way you do. Sometimes life gets in the way though - a 180 mile round trip is not always something you can fit in, especially with a young family.

I'd say just keep calling her regularly. It's important to visit on a fairly regular basis, but perhaps more important it to keep regular contact. A few brief phone calls each week can make all the difference, and will help your Mum feel that she's an integral part of your life, even if you don't see her for a while.

Do you have any brothers or sisters who can visit in the meantime?

Yeah my sister only lives a couple of miles away from her so she sees her 2-3 times a week, which also makes me feel guilty.

Defy Belief · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:49

Everyday now i've moved back home til the sale of the house i've bought has gone through.

When I move out, at least once a week but usually about 3 times. I like them to spend time with my daughter as much as they can.

a1ex2001 · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:50

Saw my Parents four times last year, My Wedding, Bridesmaids dress fittings, My Brothers wedding and Christmas!

ci_newman · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:51

bledd. said:
Once a week if not more. I'd say I probably speak to either of them once a day.

This is my pattern too. They live in the next town along from us, ~ 7 miles away. We have a 1.5year old and they are willing child minders too.

davido_labido · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:53

i stay with my dad in the week when im working away from home, but if it wasnt because of that, id only see him at family things or when one of us needs something doing etc....

the whole family is like this though, never really been "close" as such.

i.e we only see my brother when its one of his kids birthday party or other event, so quite often we go over a year without seen them!

Cosimo · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:54

I used to see go and see them once a week and had a daily call but sadly now maybe once or twice a year at the cemetery. I can fully understand your difficulties with the distance and young one and you shouldn't worry about it.

You have a telephone so use it. A few minutes talking to your mum every couple of days is all you need. She'll be very happy with that. Only make the journey when you can. Try and set a date but if you do make sure you don't cancel.

The phone will be fine and I'm sure she'll understand. Make the effort as one day you will regret that you didn't.

Diesel · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:55

3 or 4 times a week since I split up with my wife, mostly because I can't be bothered to cook just for myself.

Even before that it was at least once a week, sometimes twice. They live very close to me.

VIPER258 · 27 Mar 2013 at 11:55

Probably speak a few times a week and see them perhaps 1-2 times a week as well.

Nothing like home cooked food by mum

Frozennova · 27 Mar 2013 at 12:06

Around 2 years since I saw my mum and spoke to her about a month ago, we don't have the best of relationships.

Live with my dad step-mum so see them daily, spend most of my day talking to dad as we work together.

Col_M · 27 Mar 2013 at 12:10

I see them in person about 3-4 times a year, I speak to them a few times a week on FaceTime though.