Behaviour of manager at work

robjf

robjf

robjf

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Derby, UK
My fiance is currently around 18 weeks pregnant, and we're very excited. Recently her manager has started making the occasional comment which is starting to get to her, recently when her team was laming about going out to get new dresses for someone's leaving do, her manager said she would have to go and get a new tent...

Also someone commented on how nice my fiancée top was, to which her manager said, 'well she won't fit in to it for much longer' with a bit of a smirk on her face.

Now individually these things could be excused as they are generally a friendly team and her manager isn't a horrible or mean person, however this seems to be increasing in frequency.

I've experienced one comment, as we work in the same place, and I'm no sure how she can't see someone might take offence from it...

So what would you do in this situation, she wants to speak to her manager, however just thinking about approaching her about it gets her upset.

What do you think? Thanks for your advice? :)
 
When people are gay I just tend to get nonsensical about it.

I had managers make comments to me I'm like, u jelly bro?

every time she makes comment she should reply. U mad bro?
 
Approach the manager first, if she persists in the comments then go to HR and report it.

I would always approach the person in question first before referring it to HR though.
 
well clearly it is playing on her and your mind, so not doing about it is also "stressful". It is a case of damned if you do and damned if you don't.

My personal opinion is to have a friendly chat with her in her office or something. If the manager is professional she wouldnt mind and may even put your gf's mind at ease.
 
next time you hear her manager make a fat joke say "once she's had the baby she'll be thin again, but you're always going to have that face"
 
Tefal said:
next time you hear her manager make a fat joke say "once she's had the baby she'll be thin again, but you're always going to have that face"
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Winner! That's put a smile on her face, so thanks :D

I think taking her to one side and talking to her is the best option, then based on her response, judge whether it needs to go up to HR.
 
I can't imagine having a chat about it or going to HR actually ever helps anyone, despite how often it's suggested. HR isn't there to serve staff, they're there to protect the company, and they'll almost always take your bosses side unless they see no way around it.

Give as good as you get or ignore it.
 
she should just reply "maybe if you could find a man and have a baby you would get a lot of attention whilst you are pregnant as well but with your attitude you're likely to end up an old lonely hag whilst the rest of us are surrounded by loving families"
 
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aln said:
I can't imagine having a chat about it or going to HR actually ever helps anyone, despite how often it's suggested. HR isn't there to serve staff, they're there to protect the company, and they'll almost always take your bosses side unless they see no way around it.

Give as good as you get or ignore it.
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Hmmm interesting point. Didn't think about the fact HR aren't necessarily there to defend employees...
 
aln said:
I can't imagine having a chat about it or going to HR actually ever helps anyone, despite how often it's suggested. HR isn't there to serve staff, they're there to protect the company, and they'll almost always take your bosses side unless they see no way around it.

Give as good as you get or ignore it.
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other way round normally, its the boss putting the company at risk, given the payout for not taking action is several times the bosses annual salary they usually take a very strong stance.
 
Tefal said:
other way round normally, its the boss putting the company at risk, given the payout for not taking action is several times the bosses annual salary they usually take a very strong stance.
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I've never actually see it go that way, except when the company sees it has no choice (ie, if this woman was a guy and other ladies took exception). I have seen plently of colleagues been pushed out after having words with HR though. Of course the company almost always reports a different reason for them leaving internally.

I had a run in with a manager who was brought on, obviously didn't like the fact I worked from home (said as much) and brought me down to London then rejected my travel expenses. I went to HR, instead of getting any recourse, I ended up on some internal performance review a few weeks later.

I got a new job, because it's basically the only recourse one has without gambling with their career. Several ex and current employees asked me why I left, and they all did so by asking whether or not said manager was the cause, because they too had their grievances.

robjf said:
Hmmm interesting point. Didn't think about the fact HR aren't necessarily there to defend employees...
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Seriously, your wife makes a fuss then the more people involved just means the more people who are going to hold it against her in the future.

Like I said, ignore it and hope she goes away, or respond at the time. But rather than insulting, try saying something like "ano, aren't I lucky?".
 
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Yes HR like to protect the company so they'd be wise to nip this in the bud before it potentially becomes a bullying case. No matter how innocent the manager may think her comments are, if the recipient does not like/want them then they should not be saying them.

If that happened at my work and a grevience was raised, and rightly raised, then the manager would be greatful if they only got a *******ing.

As someone who likes to joke with my reports, I know who I can joke with, what I can say and who to avoid like the plague for a joke.
 
Classic case of jealously. A good rule of thumb is that if someone is angry with you for no clear reason it's jealously... or you're very naive.
 
MickeyFinns said:
Classic case of jealously. A good rule of thumb is that if someone is angry with you for no clear reason it's jealously... or you're very naive.
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or they don't like your face

Often with managers it seems how you get treated depends on how well they think your face fits (It doesn't seem to matter if your ugly or good looking)
 
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