Bullies ...

My dads advice was to always punch the perpetrators, and even if you get beat up, they will less likely continue to bully as they know you may snap. They will then move onto an easier target :)

Certainly worked for me at school.
 
Lazder said:
The thing is, where do you draw the line between bullying and "banter" our friend group used to be rough, we`d play fight, gang up on each other... call names ect... but if someone needed help we all came together as 1 piece :D and never left a man behind.
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I'd imagine it's "banter" when you are friends with them
It's bullying when you are not
 
Totally sympathise with the situation. I was bullied all the way through secondary school ( a £20,000 a year school as well.) Worst days of my life.

School never did anything, I remember once I got suspended when 7 guys were chasing me to beat me up and when running away from the 7 guys I hit one of them in the face with a metal door handle(by accident while trying to shut doors to slow them down) causing a fair bit of damage, they never even got told off.

When I finally got to Uni it was great, got to totally reinvent my self and never looked back.

I now work in a school and here most of the bullies/troubled kids come from troubled families and I actually feel sorry for them. We do have a really great anti-bullying policy and it seems to work really well, partly down to the fact bullying is taking a lot more serious now.
 
Housey said:
First off it needs to be put onto the schools radar. Arrange a meeting with the head teacher and go and have a clear, concise and level headed discussion around your concerns and then to understand how he/she intends to resolve this very disturbing and unsettling situation. Any head worth their salt will treat this very seriously and will have a clear set of guidelines and processes to resolve the situation.

I would also establish if there is any online aspect to this bullying as I know, due to recent experience with friends, that the police will take this very seriously and will visit the offenders as it's a good form of proof. If there is a case of online then I would actually make it a police matter before anything and then make the head aware that this aspect is a police matter and he/she is now expected to address the face to face in school time aspects.

They will then probably involve the kids parents so don't be surprised if they take the "our little Johny would never do that" approach as there is a likely root cause to their kids actions. My approach with these things is rapid and clear action and I suggest your family does exactly the same thing, emotion removed but firm and clear in what you expect to happen and in what time line and if it doest your route of escalation, whether is be further police involvement, school governors, local politicians or press.

If you are clear and serious I would expect the problem to be addressed and the bullies and their parents to get a proper scare.
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You can try this approach, but don't be surprised if the kids parents just make the situation worse. Bullies are invariably from bad homes where bullying runs in the family. They already know the boy broke someone's eye socket, it's probably something the whole family are proud of.

The school/police can reasonably act upon serious physical bullying, but it's extremely difficult to tackle the verbal side or minor scuffles.

My advice would be find a girlfreind and get her to sort him out. Teenage boys are scared of feisty females.
 
I was mentally bullied through school. By kids and some teachers.

I was never touched though so I just lived with it. Didn't feel like I could do anything about it. I was never into fighting because I would run through my head the damage I could cause to other kids.

It's affected me a lot with confidence. I have low self esteem. I work hard but still feel like I don't deserve certain things like my house. I see the bad in everything and everyone. Not the good. I want to change how I feel/think but it's hard.

For me things would have changed if I had more fights. Or become more popular. I remember the posh rich kids never being bullied as they went on expensive school trips and wore expensive coats.

It's best to get it sorted as it does affect you a lot.

It's hard to know where to put your self on a scale but I just had someone say something at least once a day. Maybe that's not too bad but even this amount of bullying affects you.
 
tell him to sack up and get lifting.

i was bullied and bullied people too. He has to stand up for himself, that is all.
 
As others have said talk to the school, if it does not stop get a solicitor to sent a letter to the school and the kids parents indicating that you will take them to court which will get their attention
 
There are two avenues you can take which are rarely talked about, civil legal action against the bully their parents and the school and filing of a harassment complaint with the police.

This will require solicitor intervention, will cost a fair few grand too. Don't expect to win in court unless substantial evidence but the process may be enough to get things sorted, especially if you pursue for substantial damages.

The second is hire some private security/bg for the kid. Equally expensive but can be discrete.

Also if this bully had broken someone's eye socket, why no police or school intervention unless the injured party said they fell and denied they were hit? Bully's mates may not back a different version of events once being pushed under formal interview.
 
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^^ Dude what? Why would anyone take the 1st option (or either option to be fair). You can't bring a civil action against a party that has done nothing wrong (the school), and the police will tell you to deal with the school in the 1st instance, always, unless the incident is out of school and severe enough to be reported.

Don't let you nephew talk to the school, he will tell you he has, even though he hasn't. Talk to them (your brother) in confidence and ask them to monitor the situation and proactively help your nephew stay away from said bullies
 
This has echoes of my past. My mother and I moved from New Jersey to California. She had a wonderful new job, but I quickly discover that a dark haired Italian boy with a Jersey accent doesn't fit into the blond surfer crowd.

I managed to talk my way out of some fights, but was finally cornered by several who belong to the same karate school. When I was getting beaten up one time, an elderly gardener leapt into the fray and save me by outfighting the half a dozen teenagers.

Together we find out the real motivator behind the boys' violent attitude in the form of their karate teacher. From here, I was taught Karate disguised by doing chores for the old man. I entered the All Valley Karate Tournament later that month and defended my honour by winning the tournament.


Back to reality, I've no time for bullies. You help the boy understand why people are bullies: bad parenting, problems at home, they are bullied themselves, jealousy etc.

I would also invest time in the boy with fitness, confidence / self esteem. Even taking up a fitness / boxing class. "We learn to fight so we don't have to fight".
 
!bluetonic! said:
This has echoes of my past. My mother and I moved from New Jersey to California. She had a wonderful new job, but I quickly discover that a dark haired Italian boy with a Jersey accent doesn't fit into the blond surfer crowd.

I managed to talk my way out of some fights, but was finally cornered by several who belong to the same karate school. When I was getting beaten up one time, an elderly gardener leapt into the fray and save me by outfighting the half a dozen teenagers.

Together we find out the real motivator behind the boys' violent attitude in the form of their karate teacher. From here, I was taught Karate disguised by doing chores for the old man. I entered the All Valley Karate Tournament later that month and defended my honour by winning the tournament.
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Should have left it at that. :D:D
 
!bluetonic! said:
help the boy understand why people are bullies: bad parenting, problems at home, they are bullied themselves, jealousy etc.
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that's crap, cliche crap to help victims feel better. You forgot its fun too, especially the psychological stuff.
 
Musty Pie said:
Thanks for the floods of advice guys.

As much as I would love to give the little **** a kicking I fear it may end up causing more trouble for everyone involved.
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So you are going to do nothing then? (Or "let the headmaster deal with it" which you will quickly find out means exactly the same thing).

I'm thinking you don't have a clear idea what bullying does to people or you wouldn't be dumping him back into the system.
 
!bluetonic! said:
This has echoes of my past. My mother and I moved from New Jersey to California. She had a wonderful new job, but I quickly discover that a dark haired Italian boy with a Jersey accent doesn't fit into the blond surfer crowd.

I managed to talk my way out of some fights, but was finally cornered by several who belong to the same karate school. When I was getting beaten up one time, an elderly gardener leapt into the fray and save me by outfighting the half a dozen teenagers.

Together we find out the real motivator behind the boys' violent attitude in the form of their karate teacher. From here, I was taught Karate disguised by doing chores for the old man. I entered the All Valley Karate Tournament later that month and defended my honour by winning the tournament.
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If you want to feel really old here is a fun fact - the actor who played Daniel from karate kid is now as old as the actor who played Mr Miyagi was at the time of filming......
 
codec said:
you go pay the child a visit and say "when there are no kids to fight a bully, the adults get involved"

then break his knuckles and blame it on racoons
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then the bully might get his older brother/dad involved and they beat your kid like you did him?
 
holymonk said:
My dads advice was to always punch the perpetrators, and even if you get beat up, they will less likely continue to bully as they know you may snap. They will then move onto an easier target :)

Certainly worked for me at school.
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that seems like a SELFISH statement. just because it isnt you or your son/daughter, then everything is hunky dory?
 
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