Family advice...

agnes

agnes

agnes

Soldato
Joined
1 Dec 2006
Posts
16,899
Location
Amsterdam, NL
I will get stuck right into it, I lost my phone somewhere in the house, we have searched high and low, I personally think I lost it along the walk home. Anyway. This was around 5 months ago.

I moved back in with my old dear a while back after losing the house when me and my ex split. Oh well, life goes on.

So, she mentioned she has a bolt on, or something in terms of insurance that covers lost gadgets. I give her the details, naturally I raise the call with the police just in case I did lost it on that walk and someone nabs it. Months pass, each time I ask about it, she gets frustrated and then comes back with little updates. I think nothing of it other than it being gadget insurance which can be pretty speedy these days.

Fast forward to this month, I asked her to give me the details, just the insurance company and reference number, seeing as it's my phone, I might be able to chase, if not. No harm done. Will just save me chasing her all the time (twice a week at the moment!).

But each time I present this question excuses come through, details are in her bag at the yard, at the office at work, she can't get them that day etc etc. So I go quite on the situation for a week and wait for a day I know she is in the office. I ask her this morning to get the details when she is in the office and text them to me...

All hell broke loose, not being a morning man, I don't like talking much so just to clarify, I didn't raise my voice or provoke, or at least I didn't think I did. I ended up hanging up as I knew it would end in me getting angry.

Anyway, the conversation started out as normal, then as soon as I mentioned the details... "I don't know if I want you to have them". Ok, I'm a bit stumped by that as each time previously she has simply said, "No problem, but I can't get them because x,y,z"

I then ask why, and she starts blabbering on how I'm doing it as I don't trust her, how I think she has kept the money for her self, or not raised any claim etc.

As soon as I went to intervene in her raised voice state she just kept cutting in and not letting me talk. Everytime I went to say anything "Nope, you are calling me a liar, not giving you the details... Nope... Nope..." At which point I hung up as like I said. I don't like getting into arguments at the best of times and I know I have a short temper in the morning so I hung up.

I have the crime number I reported the lost phone to, will they have any information for me? I want to know what's going on and after the above, my trust has been shaken. I think something has gone on and she has been covering it all this time.

Her reason was it's her insurance policy, her claim. Not mine and it's not my business.

My main concern is, I trust my mum fully, but when it comes to money... Not so much. She is a sales woman, a very heavily driven sales woman and money always comes first.

tl;dr - Trust issues as a result of lengthy insurance claim from family.

What should I do? I will happily lay down an apology if I over stepped my boundary by asking to chase my self. But is there anything I can do to go around her to find out whats gone on?
 
Bang her..... oh, hang on :s

I can bang her for you?

Serious mode activate : It is not good when you have to deal with something like this in the family, you should be able to rely on your folks 100%, but there does seem to be some odd behaviour going on here with regards to your compensation part.

Just let it lie & try and forget about it, will cause more trouble if you keep trying to look into it. I am sure you have lied to your mum at some point in your life, this is her revenge.
 
Hmm, I would like to let it lie, and of course, if anyone says they never lied to their mum is a very big liar!

But never anything serious haha, white lies "Yea mum, love those socks and the Lynx box you got me for Christmas!" :D

But seriously, it's a S3, it was fairly new and I didn't get round to getting insurance out for it my self. Silly mistake I know.

Anyway, it was under a contract which I have now cancelled as I hate Vodafone. But still, it's a large chunk of money to just forget about.
 
Two things, a) Isn't using someone else’s insurance for your own property like wrong ? b) You should not have chased her as she mentioned it's her policy.

Something is amiss but at the same time I think personally you should not have let her use her insurance for your own phone.
 
Adsta said:
Two things, a) Isn't using someone else’s insurance for your own property like wrong ? b) You should not have chased her as she mentioned it's her policy.

Something is amiss but at the same time I think personally you should not have let her use her insurance for your own phone.
Click to expand...

I think she checked and it's fine as I'm a resident under the policy or something. Not sure of the details, she offered to claim, asked me for the details and that was that, after a few months I started to wonder what had gone on with it.

And if it is in breach of the policy then I would much rather just cancel the claim than do something fishy!
 
She's mucking you about. I can't imagine how or why, but that behaviour isn't normal - assuming you have an otherwise regular relationship?

I'd probably find a moment to start a conversation with "WTF is going on?" and go from there. But it's easy to say when I don't have a similar issue I suppose!
 
AJK said:
She's mucking you about. I can't imagine how or why, but that behaviour isn't normal - assuming you have an otherwise regular relationship?

I'd probably find a moment to start a conversation with "WTF is going on?" and go from there. But it's easy to say when I don't have a similar issue I suppose!
Click to expand...

Yea! We have been getting on fine! We was joking around about me failing to do the dishes last night, and I joked about ordering pizza so not my turn haha.

All fun and games, then the above...

It might also note, that I have messaged my sister to ask, as she knows just like I do (we seem to be the only people who really get my mum, he quirks and tempers). As it really was the classic thing my mum does when she is hiding something or doesn't like what she hears. She raises her voice, temper soars and just sees red. Only when she is holding something back or doesn't like what she has been told.
 
I think you are making it complicated when it does not need to be. All you need to do is say to Mum, "Mum, you said you would make a claim for my phone on your insurance, can you tell me what is happening as it has been 5 months now". Demand an answer. Tell the truth. Tell her you are finding it odd that she is getting so "funny" about the situation if it is a genuine insurance claim and that she may be keeping something from you. Then go from there.
 
Tried that, I just get "I don't know! They are dealing with it!".

When I ask for further details, prior to this mornings conversations, it's always a random excuse. Some that don't even match up with previous excuses but I just shrug it off as I trusted it was all in hand.
 
LOAM said:
They probably rejected in on day one and she's didn't want to tell you.
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I said to her about this, she told me it wasn't.

And if it was, I would like to see the letter or at least hear it for my self as I really don't like the idea of not seeing any evidence at this stage.
 
Think of it this way.

If she didn't

a) have the insurance
and
b) offer to use it for your phone

You'd be in exactly the same position as you are anyway.

It doesn't actually affect you whether she's got the insurance and not claimed, has claimed and pocketed the money, or doesn't/didn't have the insurance. The only thing she's actually done wrong is given you the false hope that she might be able to get you the insurance money for it.
 
I agree totally! Hence my previous relaxed notion on it for the first few months. I knew it was my own stupid fault for not getting insurance and accepted it. This is where she came in and said she had the household policy which covers gadgets for all occupants or what ever.

Really don't know what to do. In any case, a letter would have been issued right? Regarding the denial or acceptance of the claim.

My mum, bless her haha, NEVER throws post out, it's a nightmare, she is like a mini hoarder in the making!
 
agnes said:
I will get stuck right into it, I lost my phone somewhere in the house, we have searched high and low, I personally think I lost it along the walk home. Anyway. This was around 5 months ago.

I moved back in with my old dear a while back after losing the house when me and my ex split. Oh well, life goes on.

So, she mentioned she has a bolt on, or something in terms of insurance that covers lost gadgets. I give her the details, naturally I raise the call with the police just in case I did lost it on that walk and someone nabs it. Months pass, each time I ask about it, she gets frustrated and then comes back with little updates. I think nothing of it other than it being gadget insurance which can be pretty speedy these days.

Fast forward to this month, I asked her to give me the details, just the insurance company and reference number, seeing as it's my phone, I might be able to chase, if not. No harm done. Will just save me chasing her all the time (twice a week at the moment!).

But each time I present this question excuses come through, details are in her bag at the yard, at the office at work, she can't get them that day etc etc. So I go quite on the situation for a week and wait for a day I know she is in the office. I ask her this morning to get the details when she is in the office and text them to me...

All hell broke loose, not being a morning man, I don't like talking much so just to clarify, I didn't raise my voice or provoke, or at least I didn't think I did. I ended up hanging up as I knew it would end in me getting angry.

Anyway, the conversation started out as normal, then as soon as I mentioned the details... "I don't know if I want you to have them". Ok, I'm a bit stumped by that as each time previously she has simply said, "No problem, but I can't get them because x,y,z"

I then ask why, and she starts blabbering on how I'm doing it as I don't trust her, how I think she has kept the money for her self, or not raised any claim etc.

As soon as I went to intervene in her raised voice state she just kept cutting in and not letting me talk. Everytime I went to say anything "Nope, you are calling me a liar, not giving you the details... Nope... Nope..." At which point I hung up as like I said. I don't like getting into arguments at the best of times and I know I have a short temper in the morning so I hung up.

I have the crime number I reported the lost phone to, will they have any information for me? I want to know what's going on and after the above, my trust has been shaken. I think something has gone on and she has been covering it all this time.

Her reason was it's her insurance policy, her claim. Not mine and it's not my business.

My main concern is, I trust my mum fully, but when it comes to money... Not so much. She is a sales woman, a very heavily driven sales woman and money always comes first.

tl;dr - Trust issues as a result of lengthy insurance claim from family.

What should I do? I will happily lay down an apology if I over stepped my boundary by asking to chase my self. But is there anything I can do to go around her to find out whats gone on?
Click to expand...

What kind of updates?
 
It wasn't until i read....
My main concern is, I trust my mum fully, but when it comes to money... Not so much. She is a sales woman, a very heavily driven sales woman and money always comes first.
Click to expand...
...that i realised you were talking about your mum and not your ex. My bad, must got lost somewhere in reading the post.
So, your mother puts money before her son? Sounds like a lovely role model to have.
Ditch her! She's obviously up to something shady, otherwise why what possible reason would she have for delaying?
Do you think she actually stole your phone?
Do you think she has claimed and kept the money?

Weird situation...can't imagine mine or anyone i know who's parent(s) would try and shaft them like that.

Bad mum, bad!

Whilst living under her roof, you may just have to suck it up and forget about it mate. I can understand it would leave a nasty taste in the mouth though.
 
jaybee said:
What kind of updates?
Click to expand...

Umm, 'They have moved it to research team', 'they have sent something in the post for me to sign', 'its now waiting on the police', 'they asked me to do this paperwork', 'they need more information'...

Just little things. All sound fairly genuine, but again. I have only done 2 insurance claims in my life.

Stolen motorbike from home
I was a victim in a stationary rear end collision on my motorbike (muppet BMW driver on the phone coming to traffic lights that were turning red... He didn't stop :( That hurt!)

So I have no knowledge or understanding how these things work really.
 
Banzai_Joe said:
It wasn't until i read....

...that i realised you were talking about your mum and not your ex. My bad, must got lost somewhere in reading the post.
So, your mother puts money before her son? Sounds like a lovely role model to have.
Ditch her! She's obviously up to something shady, otherwise why what possible reason would she have for delaying?
Do you think she actually stole your phone?
Do you think she has claimed and kept the money?

Weird situation...can't imagine mine or anyone i know who's parent(s) would try and shaft them like that.

Bad mum, bad!

Whilst living under her roof, you may just have to suck it up and forget about it mate. I can understand it would leave a nasty taste in the mouth though.
Click to expand...

Let me just state, she is my mother and I love her to bits and she means the world to me. Even with the bad bits. So something like this wouldn't even put a crack in my relationship with her. She might put a canyon, but in my eyes. Family is family.

My dad and I barely talk simply because we don't bother. Nothing sour or bad, but a crack formed and now he lives all over the world and I can't even tell you if he has gone grey or bald!

As for my thoughts, I wouldn't put it past her to pocket the money. But I would never accuse or put this as my sole reason for concern unless I had SOLID proof. As accusing of something like that is serious inside the family, any family.

But yes, it's a thought. And I think she has raised it. If not... I'm sure she would just tell me!
 
I totally get what you mean agnes, after all, there will have been plenty of times in your life when you've lied to and let your mum down no doubt and she's probably still loved you unconditionally.
But i dont' envy your position mate; to suspect that your mum 'may have pocketed the money'?. Wow, just don't even know how i'd begin to handle that one, because as you say "familiy is family" But you DO NOT do that to family.
If you did have proof that she indeed kept the money, what would you do?
To me it would be a huge betrayal of a core family value...TRUST!

Hope you get it resolved agnes. It might just be easier to forget about the phone altogether, because the alternative 'truth' might not be what you want to discover.
 
Banzai_Joe said:
I totally get what you mean agnes, after all, there will have been plenty of times in your life when you've lied to and let your mum down no doubt and she's probably still loved you unconditionally.
But i dont' envy your position mate; to suspect that your mum 'may have pocketed the money'?. Wow, just don't even know how i'd begin to handle that one, because as you say "familiy is family" But you DO NOT do that to family.
If you did have proof that she indeed kept the money, what would you do?
To me it would be a huge betrayal of a core family value...TRUST!

Hope you get it resolved agnes. It might just be easier to forget about the phone altogether, because the alternative 'truth' might not be what you want to discover.
Click to expand...

The phone is the least of my worries. So is the money, right now I just want honest truth and I feel I'm not getting it.

If she had pocketed the money, yes I would be livid, but if there is a genuine reason for it, then all she would have had to do is ask and I would have given her money.

Either way, very big trust break at risk which is why I'm worried how I tackle it going ahead.

From her view, I could be ****ing all over the trust simply by asking for this information and 'doubting' her, which is probably why shes so annoyed. But then from my view I have no hard proof anything has been done. And my vehicle claims took less time than this.
 
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