losing second parent 18 months after the first

Amleto

Amleto

Amleto

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After dad died (65yrs) in Feb 2012 from cancer (thread on here somewhere) mum was inconsolably depressed and just stayed in all day drinking/sleeping. She improved for a bit after ~ 6 months but regressed again. She has been in & out of hospital for ~5 months with liver & kidney issues.

Now she is on a drip & being kept sedated and expected to pass within days. Even with the hospital history this comes as a shock - my brother and I had been preparing a ground floor room for her as we were expecting her to be discharged 3 weeks ago. However one complication lead into another and now we are where we are.

Now my brother and I have an imminent decision about what to do with the family home since 1990, complicated by the fact the he still lives there, but he only has a 5hr/week min wage job. I don't really feel like selling the house, but since the wife & I are renting and need to save for a place of our own, we can't be paying for my brother as well. I guess it's normal to sell it? But it's the last tie to both of them and something is telling me we should try to keep it.

tldr:
If anyone here has lost both parents and would like to share some thoughts I would appreciate it
 
Tough decision, considering where you exactly are, I think its worth worrying about a little later down the line...

Good luck mate

ps3ud0 :cool:
 
I don't envy your decision and am sorry for the situation you are in. However, as a parent I would like to think my children will spend their life looking forwards, not tied to the past, but give it a kind thought once in a while. I would think that is a decision to not be rushed and discussed between you and your brother at a less sensitive time.
 
Sorry for your previous loss and the current situation with your mum.

Is the mortgage paid off?

If you and your partner are renting, I don't see why you couldn't move in to the house.

From the sounds of it your bro is going to be staying with you for the foreseeable future anyway as he wouldn't be able to afford to rent anyway.

This would lower your living costs considerably and allow you save much easier for a future place when hopefully your bro is in a better state of affairs and you can sell the house.

Just a thought. I certainly wouldn't rush in to sell it straight away but then I don't know what the situation is fully.
 
Sorry to hear of the tough time you're going through OP.

ps3ud0 said:
Tough decision, considering where you exactly are, I think its worth worrying about a little later down the line...
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Undoubtedly, but working out other worries and concerns will give a little breathing space to cope with everything else.

It may also help to keep the mind a little occupied at the same time. I really don't know, I'm not at this point yet, I can't begin to imagine a "best" way.
 
Sorry for your predicament fella. But to save on family feuds sell it, split the money and thus no future arguments will ensue. I know this sounds callous, but honestly its the best way to go.
 
sorry for your loss.

on a slightly related note, and was just something which resonated with me when my mums parents died; she said that you're always somebody's child, until that moment. Make of that what you will

B@
 
desires said:
Sorry for your previous loss and the current situation with your mum.

Is the mortgage paid off?

If you and your partner are renting, I don't see why you couldn't move in to the house.

From the sounds of it your bro is going to be staying with you for the foreseeable future anyway as he wouldn't be able to afford to rent anyway.

This would lower your living costs considerably and allow you save much easier for a future place when hopefully your bro is in a better state of affairs and you can sell the house.

Just a thought. I certainly wouldn't rush in to sell it straight away but then I don't know what the situation is fully.
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This is my thought too after reading the OP.
Best way to keep the house, your bro gets to stay there and you guys can save more to eventually get your own place.
Then once hes in a good position you can then sell the house if you want to or even rent it out to have a steady income for you/your brother.

Terrible situation to be in though :(
 
That's sad news :( Sounds like your Mum is suffering from a broken heart :(

When it does eventually come to sorting things out, try and find someone who has done it before, and knows about probate etc. Do you know who the will executors are, assuming there's a will?
 
Dad's mom deteriorated in a similar way when my dad's dad passed. They were married 55 years and he died all of a sudden. She got dementia soon after and spent the next 3 years in homes, terrible. I am dreading when my parents start getting old and sick.

As for house, i think leave it a few months and think about it. You could always rent it out or force your brother to share with tenants, until you find better solution.
 
Focus on your mother, but with regards to the house it looks like your brother will have to apply for a council house or look to buy you out, there's no reason you should be buying him out if you can't afford it. If he can't - then sell it.

I'm sentimental about my parents house, partly as it's really what I'd like to live in long term, it's a detached bungalow with detached garage and nice big drive with a lovely garden. But I'd be in the same position as you, unable to buy my brother out so it's highly likely we'd have to sell it to.

But for now - focus on your mum, she's still here and your still her boys :)

Condolences on your dad mate, I've still got my parents and honestly can't imagine how it feels, but it's got to be dreadful and I really do feel for you.
 
Sorry to hear about the situation - very difficult.

As to the house, it isn't yet yours to sell, even if you have the copy of the will. By all means consider the options, but one of the owners is still alive and may well need those assets to pay for further care. From what you've said it is unlikely though.
 
Treat each day like the last and act solely in your mum's interests, or what she would have wanted. If you're unsure about making decisions, discuss them with your brother.
 
Sorry about your Mum my wife lost her mum and dad within a few months of each other they didn't live together and they were 20 odd years apart. Don't think she'll ever get over it really.

In regard to the estate your brother may have a legal right not to be booted out as common law wives and wives have to an estate. Check though I'm not sure.

Best bet is to be honest and upfront about your intentions, don't sugar coat it. His response is his decision not the result of your decision or action.
 
Thanks all for the suggestions and comments.

I had thought about maybe moving in. Unfortunately it is too far away from my work and also my wife's for that to be practical.

I think I will be the executor, which I'm getting a bit stressed over just thinking about it tbh, after knowing how much 'stuff' there was for my mum to deal with last year.

Mum is being kept unconscious so there isn't anything for family/friends to do any more :(
 
I'm really sorry to hear about your mum, seems she hasn't been coping well since you lost your dad. I know it's not the best thing to hear but perhaps this isn't the best place for her anymore, she sounds like she was in a lot of emotional pain.

Reading the will can wait, it will take time.

With your current situation with your brother, would it not be possible for him to move in with you or is that not an option? My honest opinion would be to sell the house, I know from personal experience that (it may just be me) being in a house that was once occupied by someone you loved is not a good thing, too many memories.

I hope you understand where I'm coming from with the top bit.

I'm very sorry for your loss.
 
I dont really have any advice mate, just wanted to say sorry to hear about your dad and the hardship you are your family are going through and wish you all the best, if such a thing is possible.
 
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