Not wanting kids and dating

[_dogma_]

lol. I'll bear that in mind.

I've been doing online dating for nearly 2 months now, and after quite a few dates, I haven't really found anyone compatible.

For those who did change their mind about having kids, what happened exactly?

They slipped up and got her up the duff...

Most of the people I knew who didn't want kids normally had them due to an accident. Apparently it makes you maternal/paternal.

I don't get it.

 

[Lysander]

They slipped up and got her up the duff...

Basically this. Or they were forced into it.

 

[Pawnless Endgame]

But there are probably an (almost) equal number of women with disabilities such as you describe as there are men?

It affects 1 in 10000, but I know what you mean, there are other types of disabilities too. What I'm saying is that I'm still in the bottom <1% of desirable and it's through no fault of my own.

 

[HangTime]

You have to ram it down their throats that you don't want kids

Used to be my preferred means of contraception as well.

Anyway when I was younger I didn't particularly want kids but changed my mind about 18 months after getting married. My wife always wanted children at some point but married me even before I was sure.

If you're doing online dating then in some ways it helps because you can get their views up front - in a relationship that starts the 'normal' way it isn't something that most couples would discuss until some way down the track.

 

[Hades]

I never wanted kids but eventually relented and had them mostly for my wife. My attitude towards children had softened too. I now have two children that I would absolutely not want to be without and would never turn the clock back.

But if I hadn't relented and hadn't had them I would be equally happy with more money, more free time and probably a better quality of life.

Ultimately don't relent and do what you want to do, rather than what someone else wants you to do.

 

[window]

And find me any unexpected parent who would openly admit to wishing they never had their kids... there are definitely those out there, but no-one would own up to feeling that way.

Im on an anonymous forum, I'd admit it if it were so. I personally cant see how a parent would feel regret towards their children. I may be lucky and have a good kid, who knows.

 

[D.P.]

When I was in my early 20s I really was looking forward to start a family in the future. I then grew older, maturer, more bitter and depressed about the future world that I would bring children into. My wife was the same. And children just wouldn't fit what we wanted out of life.

Then 9 months ago things started to change for both us. Not sure what happened, we were living on opposite coasts in the US requiring 12-14 hours of traveling to join up. But independently we both warmed to the idea. It was funny watching my wife trying to suggest it but I felt quite open to the prospect. After thinking about it we realized sooner is better than later (not least my wife is in her early 30s) and within weeks of trying we succeeded rather unexpectedly quickly (after years of being on the pill and lots of stress we expected some delay)

 

[Arsonist]

My long term ex was quite explicit with the fact she didn't want kids. In the end, I finished the 4 year relationship after deciding actually it was too much of an issue for me and one day I wanted kids.

All I can suggest is be honest with any woman you meet, if she wants kids, she probably isn't for you!

 

[413x]

i think its something that should at least be discussed pretty soon if you are wanting long term relationship

i also know some people who have them below 25 are mistakes and that parents accept them as that is the only choice and learn to love them/force themselves to. I mean its not like an object you can sell. and many people will not go for an abortion.

I do always wonder how many people secretly regret they have had kids, especially men. My parents dont want me to have kids lol. My partners do but she has told them no lol

i also feel a bit like how D.P. felt, not depressed or bitter, but that i dont really want a kid in this world

another important factor for me is the risk of servere disability that basically ends the parents life and they become a carer. that would ruin me. Again, i have so much respect for those with that

far too many people want kids for them rather than for the kid i find

 

[Vidar]

Would I change my two kids for anything? God no, they are the two best things in my life in any way shape or form.

Do I wish I'd not had them to the now ex partner... Yes, neither was planned. Happy accidents as it where and due to my lack of understanding in regards to just how unhealthy my relationship was I was very pleased. In hindsight though I feel sorry for what my two have to go through on a daily basis, I feel sad at urinating 8 years of my life away on the wrong woman and missing masses of opportunities in the process!

I wanted my two to grow up in a stable family surrounding...

 

[hurfdurf]

They slipped up and got her up the duff...

Most of the people I knew who didn't want kids normally had them due to an accident. Apparently it makes you maternal/paternal.

I don't get it.

I am of the opinion that they have no choice and have been baby trapped. I know women who have actively recommended having an accident on purpose with an unwilling partner, and what is a man supposed to do? Divorce/separate and get stuck paying child support for a kid he didn't want or pretend that he is now happy to be having a kid?

Don't fall for it lads

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

I'm not familiar with online dating but isn't there some kind of option list you create or tick or whatever? I'd have thought something as important as 'kids yes/no?' would be catered for.

 

[hurfdurf]

I'm not familiar with online dating but isn't there some kind of option list you create or tick or whatever? I'd have thought something as important as 'kids yes/no?' would be catered for.

You can't trust most women who say they don't want kids though, the minute they reach the brooding stage it's game over. I've met cage fighters who have sworn up and down that kids would never be an issue, then they hit 32ish and immediately they go mental thinking about kids. I had one girl even tell me how she was visiting her parents and couldn't stop day dreaming about being at the front door with a baby in her arms, which was crazy considering her life style before hand.

The pattern for most decent looking women seems to be, enjoy dating and shagging as many high valued men as possible until you get worried that you won't be able to do any better and then settle for a beta provider asap.

It makes it extremely difficult to be a feminist when essays like this

http://therationalmale.com/2011/08/23/schedules-of-mating/

correlate so massively with what I see almost weekly.

 

[[FnG]magnolia]

Apart from the fact that the above reads like r/mensrights, it's not just women who change their stance on such a life-changing decision.

 

[hurfdurf]

Apart from the fact that the above reads like r/mensrights, it's not just women who change their stance on such a life-changing decision.

I am ashamed to say I think it is exactly MRA material, but a broken clock is right twice a day.

I agree; men tend to as well, but from my own personal experience, most men change after the baby is in the picture, it is the women who are responsible for it coming in in the first place.

 

[James_N]

I don't ever want kids. Most of my friends have kids, and they say I will change my mind, but I spend enough time round other peoples kids to know I never want my own. I'd rather stay single all my life!

 

[morkfromork]

I always said never till i met my wife at 28. Within 18 months we were married and had a beautiful daughter. Don't ask me what changed as i don't know but it was planned and not an accident.

Not sure what changed for me it just seemed to all slot into place and make perfect sense to me.

 

[pitchfork]

Have a sex change, become a lesbian.

Surely there's a few who have the "maybe" option ticked.

I'm not honestly fussed about kids, I don't find them cute, yes it would be nice to have a son to drink beers with when he's a bit older but then I've got to waste 18 years of my life getting to that point.

 

[eatcustard]

OP
Turn gay or date a shemale, they you cant have kids

 

[Narj]

I don't ever want kids. Most of my friends have kids, and they say I will change my mind, but I spend enough time round other peoples kids to know I never want my own. I'd rather stay single all my life!

I'm not really in a rush at the moment, but I'd rather not stay single all my life! I'd rather find someone who has the same outlook, but that is a really difficult thing to do. It's not like I never get offers but the girls I do meet through friends or social events are at the stage where they want to start a family.

There's always internet dating I suppose but there's always the chance of a mentalist in the "no" category changing their mind and deciding to have an "accident" as hurf says.

Regarding a previous point about those who are infertile, you'll find that if a woman is fixated on having children, she'll do it by any means necessary, whether that involves IVF, adoption, surrogacy or any other option(s) available. Just because one/both of you are biologically incapable doesn't necessarily mean that paternal/maternal instincts are suppressed.