UK should have look to an asian attitude to the elderly

Yeah I think it's a good idea, but I think it would be near on impossible to ingrain that into our culture now like some of Asia has. If it was still like the 70's where just about every one I knew only had one parent usually the father working it would be possible.

Now with 2 parents working all the time and people struggling with childcare let alone caring for elderly I can't see how it would work. We have some of the most expensive child care when 2 parents work.

I'd have loved to have been able to care for my father, he has alzheimers. With two of us working to pay the bills and childcare it would be impossible for him to live with us and if he was left alone for more than 4 or 5 hours he would either end up killing himself of burning the house to the ground.
 
My parents moved into the dower wing of my house a few years ago. It benefits both sides insofar as we help each other in different ways. More recently, we adapted one of the outbuildings to accommodate my grandmother but she reached the stage earlier this year where she needed 24/7 care such that we decided to move her into a care home. We tried having rotating, live-in carers but there gets a point when the degree of medical care required in reality necessitates something more institutional.
 
Yas786 said:
Its all well and good saying put your parents into a care home but hell would freeze over for me in order to do that especially with the stories you hear about care workers mis-treating the elderly to such an extent that the elderly cant speak out in fear of recriminations. .
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There are also bad hospitals and bad schools but you can't write off all establishments because of what you read or see on the news.
 
dannyjo22 said:
Yeah I think it's a good idea, but I think it would be near on impossible to ingrain that into our culture now like some of Asia has. If it was still like the 70's where just about every one I knew only had one parent usually the father working it would be possible.

Now with 2 parents working all the time and people struggling with childcare let alone caring for elderly I can't see how it would work. We have some of the most expensive child care when 2 parents work.

I'd have loved to have been able to care for my father, he has alzheimers. With two of us working to pay the bills and childcare it would be impossible for him to live with us and if he was left alone for more than 4 or 5 hours he would either end up killing himself of burning the house to the ground.
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A Very good point.

It would be interesting to see how if we shifted our culture away from needing everybody to work (ergo structure society that only one of a couple needs to work financially for the average person) to see how it would increase the amount of people able/willing to take in the elderly.
 
This is possible in places like China because it is quite acceptable to have lots of people sharing very small places. It is possible for people like the OP because they have large houses.

It isn't possible for a lot of people.
 
Dolph said:
Not everyone elderly requires residential care though, some just need a little more support. Neither my parents nor in laws require care of this sort yet, but that doesn't mean we can't be better together.
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Got to ask how much cash did your in-laws give you towards the house?
Oh and don't worry your kids will put you in a nice labour run home ;)

When I get to old I hope my kids put me in a old peoples home and carry on and live their lives to the fullest.
 
dannyjo22 said:
There are also bad hospitals and bad schools but you can't write off all establishments because of what you read or see on the news.
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Of course not, should have clarified that not all institutions are bad but id rather not take the chance and plus my mum is far too independant to be put in a home. She would run rings around them, in fact she would probably be looking after them rather them than her:p
 
Yas786 said:
Of course not, should have clarified that not all institutions are bad but id rather not take the chance and plus my mum is far too independant to be put in a home. She would run rings around them, in fact she would probably be looking after them rather them than her:p
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I understand that mate and I truely hope that is how it works out for you. My dad until very recently after years of fitness/swimming was as strong as ever in his late 60's early 70's. With the masses of frustration and confusion that comes with Alzheimers he could easily fly into a rage.

We always said as a family we would look after our dad but it just wasn't safe to have him in our homes. Especially around very young children. I've seen my dad fly into a rage because my niece laughed when was at his most confused.

I'm hope that never happens to your parents or anyone elses. It's so easy to say you will always homecare but sometimes it's not safe or having one of you do 24hr care will be just as destroying to your relationship/marriage.

It's just so hard to predict how their health will be later on in life and if you could cope with it :(
 
doofer said:
I think the Govt. should do a U-Turn on all the 'Healthy Living' Propaganda they've been spewing for the last few years, they should be promoting drinking, smoking, drugs, remove ALL speed limits and disband Health & Safety. This should go some way of alleviating the problem of looking after the elderly in the future.

Live longer - Pay more Tax for more years and end up with some Polish Immigrant wiping your arse in a home full of other decrepit senile toothless old incontinents.

Or

Have fun, pay less Tax, die young. :cool:
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This please, natural selection will even the score.
 
What was actually said inferred that people should look after their parents where possible and practical to do so. Obviously if there are medical or psychological issues preventing it then that is what social services are for.

Too many families leave their parents, often single, to cope alone. I tend to agree that we should have more respect for our parents than that even though it may be "inconvenient".
 
We Asian Muslims never put our elderly family members into care as it is frowned upon and rightly so. Only White people adopt the approach that the person is too old and a ''burden' so they stick them in a care home and we all know the poor standard of care there. It's disgusting if you ask me and some of the comments in this thread so far are quite frankly, disgusting.

A person grows old and gets stuck in a care home just because you're young and feel you can't look after them, how shocking.
 
The results of the asian culture of relying on family in old age have been large family sizes and infanticide - both things that are either undesirable or unsupportable in the UK.

I for one fully expect the welfare state to do it's job and look after me in my old age, I've paid. If they want to abdicate this responsibility I'll have my money back and pay some sexy nurses to look after me - thanks.
 
I would do everything within my power, to ensure my grand parents or parents never set foot in a care home.

This whole "burden" excuse is just painful, remember when you were born you were also a "burden" during you're baby years you were also a "burden" but everyone involved went out of their way to ensure you were safe and brought up properly. Elderly people are like babies in many senses.

Guess it is just a different culture between Asian/English.
 
dannyjo22 said:
I understand that mate and I truely hope that is how it works out for you. My dad until very recently after years of fitness/swimming was as strong as ever in his late 60's early 70's. With the masses of frustration and confusion that comes with Alzheimers he could easily fly into a rage.

We always said as a family we would look after our dad but it just wasn't safe to have him in our homes. Especially around very young children. I've seen my dad fly into a rage because my niece laughed when was at his most confused.

I'm hope that never happens to your parents or anyone elses. It's so easy to say you will always homecare but sometimes it's not safe or having one of you do 24hr care will be just as destroying to your relationship/marriage.

It's just so hard to predict how their health will be later on in life and if you could cope with it :(
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Totally get what you are saying mate as my mum looked after my nana who had alzheimers herself and it was shocking at how much a person could change ie whenever my mum wanted to give her a bath, she would start hitting my mum and swearing at her. Poor thing finally passed away a few yrs ago and honest to god i wouldnt wish that sort of disease on anyone. I just hope and pray my mum doesnt go the same way.

Of couse both me and the wife know that at some point one of us will have to stay at home to look after her if her health gets bad. Probably be the missus as she said once we have kids, she wont be working or if she does then she will cut her hrs down to a bare minimum.

Sorry to hear about your dad, must be heartbreaking.
 
Craterloads said:
I would do everything within my power, to ensure my grand parents or parents never set foot in a care home.

This whole "burden" excuse is just painful, remember when you were born you were also a "burden" during you're baby years you were also a "burden" but everyone involved went out of their way to ensure you were safe and brought up properly. Elderly people are like babies in many senses.

Guess it is just a different culture between Asian/English.
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+1 couldnt agree more, but its sad that the newer generation of asians are now taking this mentality on board. In Southall there are quite a few old age homes for Asians where their kids put them there. Pretty sure other places where there is a high concentration of asian people also have old homes for them.

I dont agree with it myself but i do find it sad that their kids havent got the time to look after them anymore but i suppose they have their reasons for doing so.
 
if this happens do we get less taxes then since the government won't be supporting the "burden" old people paid for all those years working away
 
I think it depends on their care requirements, if they are in good health and you have a big enough house not be the living in each others pockets then fine, good idea

Living in cramped conditions would probably strain the relationship and make matters worse.

The downside i think comes from embarrassment mainly, once they require care i don't believe either the elderly parents or kids would want to be so intimate due to the embarrassment involved in having to give & receive personal care.

For example do you want to thoroughly clean you mums or dads parts? do you want your mrs cleaning your dads old chap every day etc, possibly childish feelings but uncomfortable all the same

At the point of needing personal care is probably when most older people move into care homes having lived independently up to that point, so this would just mean rather than living independently the last few years before a care home they now live with kids for those few years, then end up in a care home at the same point, when personal care is required.

Ps. Assuming totally removing care homes from the equation, this happened in my family, career break for 6-9 months from work and full time caring right up to the end, afterwards the person doing the caring was devastated / destroyed by the process of seeing the decline in heath and eventual death and afterwards said they would not want anyone else to go though that and they would not want a family member to give the same care for themselves as it was so distressing.
 
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