How do I meet women?

craptakular

craptakular

craptakular

Soldato
Joined
7 Jan 2007
Posts
10,607
Location
Sussex, UK
I am now 30 years old, I haven't had any female in my life since I was 23. I have ballooned into a 19 stone fat mess.

In my current rut I am destined to die young and alone.

I am moving to a new county next month for a new job. My question is this;

1. Get up out running and cycling until you get down to 15 stone then join match.com/find someone at work,

2. Accept I am fat and proud. I should stop using this as a barrier to joining match.com/talking to women, accept that there is a lot of me to love and find a women that is equally as fat or bigger to make me look skinny and massage my ego.

How do you talk to women? Where do you find them... I used to know women through school and uni and get friendly that way over a period of time. But now I don't know how, I am so lonely and very scared of dying alone. All my mates have moved on with wives, girlfriends, kids and mortgages. I have no one I know to go out with in any capacity male or female. Only some online gaming buddies, but all we do is argue about gaming and its depressing.
 
Unfortunately I don't see this thread ending well given GD's normal reaction to threads which involve people who are not skin and bones ...

Personally I'd say get out and talk to women now (not necessarily a large 'un) ... as you never know. If you want to lose weight then do that before using an online service.
 
Im in the same situation (but replace fat with disabled).

Like you, most of my friends have moved in with wives. However, the grass isn't always greener. Having read numerous match.com type threads and dating threads, its an absolute minefield and not one im bothered about getting involved in.

However, if your desperate to meet a woman, then I guess you have to help yourself first. Get out there, join a gym, get fit, find some interests, get some hobbies etc. I guess then the rest will follow :) good luck!
 
Ive lost around a 1.5 stone but need to keep going.

My Dad is disabled and cannot understand my lack of confidence. He is a lot tougher than me and just replies with "Well I am disabled and I just talked to them and ignored all the horrible jokes and people who would stare when I was a teenager".

I have no retort to this.
 
craptakular said:
My Dad is disabled and cannot understand my lack of confidence. He is a lot tougher than me and just replies with "Well I am disabled and I just talked to them and ignored all the horrible jokes and people who would stare when I was a teenager".

I have no retort to this.
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Im the same in a way. I certainly care much less nowadays about what people think! What you see is what you get with me. I guess I have just never found anyone who will accept me for who I am.

Again, the plus side to this is while all my mates are In debt up to their eye balls with marriages and kids, I can wonder off on holiday not giving a toss about anything and spend all my money on me :D

Whilst we might sometimes be jealous of friends in relationships, I know a lot of those same friends are jealous of my single status and the abilty to do what I want, when I want.
 
Online dating and loose some weight as it clearly is effecting your confidence.

Also don't be scared about dying alone, quickest way to meet the wrong type of girl, go out with positive intentions that you want to meet someone to spend your life with and hopefully the right woman will come along for you.
 
Loose weight, get confident, get fit, be happy. If you don't like yourself expecting other people to like you is a big ask !
 
Do what makes you happy.

If you are unhappy with the way you look/feel get the motivation going and make something happen. I have always stuck to the notion of "no one gives you anything in life, you have to earn it"

Once you have achieved your goals, the confidence and feel good factor are amazing. So good luck in whatever you choose :)
 
Your weight shouldn't be much of a problem if you try dating somewhere like here. Online dating is a way forward for you.
 
Sounds like all you really lack is confidence, and this will come as your self esteem rises. Lose the weight, but not for a woman but for yourself - I've lost 3.5 stone simply by eating my evening meal earlier than usual and cutting out dairy (allergy). It's not as difficult as you think, and when you see the improvement it's even easier to continue.

In regards to dying alone, life should not be rushed. You will eventually find someone you personally choose (as opposed to a computer) as long as you don't lock yourself away. As you gain confidence back from the weight loss you'll soon feel more at ease with conversation, especially when you start seeing women judge you as a piece of meat... Game changer!

Hang in there, keep at it and good luck.

James_N said:
Whilst we might sometimes be jealous of friends in relationships, I know a lot of those same friends are jealous of my single status and the abilty to do what I want, when I want.
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That might be fine for some, but I know most would rather finish level 3 and attempt the big boss in level 4 - the rewards are much greater.
 
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Can only echo what's been said already. Sort yourself out physically and the rest should follow. I really find exercise clears my head and makes me feel better about everything.

Cosimo said:
Your weight shouldn't be much of a problem if you try dating somewhere like here. Online dating is a way forward for you.
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Sorry Cosimo, I think this is awful advice. People shouldn't be encouraged to stay overweight, there's just so many reasons why it's a bad idea.
 
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Find something where you'll lose weight AND meet people. If you're still pretty agile, but just overweight I'd advise go try some dancing classes. Anything that involves a partner - Salsa, Swing, Rock'n'Roll, Tango, Hip-hop - they are all great for meeting people and have the advantage that they tend to be 60-40 ladies to men!

I met my missus learning to dance Salsa so it does work :)
 
This may seem a weird way to help you out of your problems but it can help give you confidence and ultimately encourage you to loose weight!

I can't post the link because it's an over 18 website but Google 'Adultwork' and look for a girl in your area who is genuine.
When I say genuine I mean a girl who is well thought of - check her feedback and field reports. Pick one who you feel will treat you with respect and will try to understand your problems.

If you have any preconceived ideas about this type of girl, forget them because many of them are NOT what's portrayed in the media.
They're obviously girls who make a living from this line of work but many have a brain, are NOT on drugs, are considerate of their clients and will at least give you a hearing.

I'm not suggesting you take her up on all the services, that's up to you, although if you do it will give you confidence with women.
What I'm suggesting is at least talk about your problems and have some fun with her.

IMPORTANT:
If you decide to go this route I suggest you briefly describe yourself and check there won't be a problem for the girl you want to see.
Good luck.
 
Lose the weight first but mainly due to it causing long term health issues. Use the end goal of match.com as the incentive.
 
I wouldn't worry too much about the weight, I used to work with a guy who was huge, I'm a fat guy right, I've got a gut, but this guy was a proper fat guy.

I tell you what though, you want to see his wife, gorgeous woman, he wasn't rich, just very intelligent and an all round good guy.

Mind you, I'd advise trying to keep fit, physical fitness is as important as mental fitness. I am fat but I do excercise, it's important to keep active, get plenty of vitamins in your diet etc.

I've only ever met women down the pub myself, my hobbies aren't really woman freindly.
 
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