The Tabloid Headline Challenge

Scougar · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:03

Your mission, should you choose to accept it:

Come up with an epic tabloid headline that tries to encompass every morally righteous/shocking/deprived/etc thing you can think of, common to tabloid papers.

Rules:
1) No using automatic DM/sun/star etc headline generators, and in any case, they won't be good enough.
2) MUST be original, no copying from any other source.
3) Headlines can be as controversial as you like (it's in their nature), so no attacking other posters for their ingenuity. Forum rules obviously still apply here.
4) MUST be typed, no using MEME's/GIF's.
5) One entry per post. You cannot submit another headline until someone else has posted another headline.

And GO!

krooton · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:05

Jordan!!!1

Kosmiche · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:08

Its Official! Bread Contains Wheat (exclusive photos on page 9)

CircleFaust · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:10

"**** YOU, YOU ******* ****, AND **** YOU TOO!!!" SAYS NAKED DRUNK HIGH MAN TO CHILDREN IN SWEARY SHOCKER

Zogger · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:13

Beheaded Benefits Scrounger with Ten Children Uses Facebook to Promote Cancer Ridden Tele Talent Show

Scougar · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:14

Immigrant's Cancerous Breast Implants Explode Whilst in Benefits Queue.

matt_fsr · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:17

Shocking new investigation reveals wave of Muslim paedophile benefit grabbing asylum seekers could have links to Al-Qaeda, heroin gangs and gypsy child abduction ring.

MookJong · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:19

Single parent Islamist murders traveller benefit fraud in latest winter energy healthscare.

theNude · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:19

Immigrant Muslim false widow spiders raising home fuel prices because of new cancer ridden nuclear plant ran by obese Romanian child thief health tourists.

Cosimo · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:22

Balls to give relief in energy price shocker.

krooton · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:24

theNude said:
Immigrant Muslim false widow spiders raising home fuel prices because of new cancer ridden nuclear plant ran by obese Romanian child thief health tourists.

That made me chuckle for some reason

Haggisman · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:29

Paedophile Muslim MP in False Widow Sex Tape Shocker!

Bennie-Mac · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:32

Cosimo said:
Balls to give relief in energy price shocker.

Fnarr. *doffs cap*

Efour · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:32

"We're all in this together" says job stealing, Polish Muslim in fraudulent 50" TV Benefit claim shocker.

pitchfork · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:34

David Cameron does good job

(Or that's what most tabloids try to make people believe.

Fire_fly · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:39

Muslim gyspy immigrants claim benefits on million pound caravans, that carry deadly spiders, while beaming sick images of child porn into peoples heads which cause cancer.

peterwalkley · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:48

House price rise caused by inflation shocker.

nick.lidgett · 23 Oct 2013 at 12:54

Harry ****s kate and pippa diggity diggity doggy style

doofer · 23 Oct 2013 at 13:35

UNIDENTIFIED DEADLY MUSLIM TVLICENCE DODGING BENEFIT SCROUNGING SPIDERS INVADE OcUK

Zero Pope · 23 Oct 2013 at 13:41

Drunk Gazza in deprived Muslim/Roma Drug Fueled Rampage of Child Theft and Orgies. (Details on the shocking False Widow Venom Cocktail Celebs are lapping up inside!)