Mrs just left me..

ChocolateStarfishRammer said:
Get the Popcorn..

Well, 10 months later since I posted this and some of you may be interested in the results....

Lets get it out the way first - You were right

Yes we have broken up.

The past 10 months have seen some great moments and some really dark ones with the relationship. But, I have had the constant feeling that I could walk in from work any day and wouldn't be all that surprised to see another letter awaiting.

As it turns out, there was no letter this time, instead she just said it outright that she wasn't happy and things weren't working. This was three weeks ago and since then we've bounced back a forth between whether to give it one last shot or not - And after having 2 weeks apart and then a week together we both last night agreed the relationship is done. I am obviously upset about it all, but I have kind of known it was coming for a while!

Unfortunately, I'm not in a financial position to keep our rented flat on my own so I'm going to moving back in with the mum (:() probably for quite a few months till I can get myself back in a position to start again. Sucks because the time its going to take to do that means the cost of storage for things like furniture will be just as much as buying new stuff further down the line.. thats a kick in the teeth.

I do feel like I'm having my base and independence ripped out from under me (which i dont blame on her its just the way it is) but it will give me time to almost press the reset button as such.

Urhgg - Just a rubbish situation!

A question a friend asked me today: "In Hindsight, if you knew it was going to end this way, would you have bothered back in January, and spent this much time trying?"

Yes and no. We've had some really good memories together this year, from my sisters wedding, to trips to Greece and Barcelona and lots in between. But as I'm aware life is short and it could all be viewed as wasted time. I'm not sure yet, maybe I'll give a definitive answer to this later down the line..

Also to answer past comments and future questions:
1. No, She wasn't having her pasty smashed elsewhere.
2. She hasn't stitched me entirely for money as she has offered to pay half my (our) debt (not cheap) which shes not legally bound to do.
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Interesting.

i split up with my missus a while a go and was apart for a few months but now back together to give it a go.

so far so good but its early days. Hope all goes well or else my story could end up like yours!

No harm in trying imo.

There is certainly no bad thing in trying mate so dont feel bad that you gave it another chance.
 
Choc, you have handled the situation well and i do hope for my situation it goes well too else i wont be too down heart if it goes pear shaped for me as i can stand tall and say i tried to save my marriage.

In life not much is a waste because such as this scenario, you actually gain a lot of knowledge and experience that makes you a better person etc.

Your time will come again when another woman will come by but this time you will be wiser and more knowledgable.

On the flip side, i also do not blame men who just sleep with girls for fun and not have any commitnemnts. i can definely see why now.

You give your life to your other half and yet they take advantage of you. Woman wonder why men dont like commitment? This is why.

soo much horror stories of good straight men who get burned by there missus.

I have already ehard like 5 people who is/have gone through a similar situation as ours!

Infact you can take a look at a forum that deals mainly with AV stuff to see there is a thread there too!
 
jonneymendoza said:
Interesting.

i split up with my missus a while a go and was apart for a few months but now back together to give it a go.

so far so good but its early days. Hope all goes well or else my story could end up like yours!

No harm in trying imo.

There is certainly no bad thing in trying mate so dont feel bad that you gave it another chance.
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Hope it does work out for you buddy!
 
In my experience, when you split up, unless you're in a position to discuss and resolve (or at least try) all the issues that led to that point, you will inevitably just split again. It always goes well to begin with because you have that honeymoon period where things are great again, but unless the issues have been dealt with, they return but with added resentment.
 
Kudos to you both for trying, and kudos to her for not being a typical woman and leaving you with the debt.
 
benjii said:
In my experience, when you split up, unless you're in a position to discuss and resolve (or at least try) all the issues that led to that point, you will inevitably just split again. It always goes well to begin with because you have that honeymoon period where things are great again, but unless the issues have been dealt with, they return but with added resentment.
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for my case we did discuss and resolve. basically the issue we had was that she did not tell me whats wrong before hand and we did not give eachother much space to hang out with friends etc. Now it has changed so far so good but when you are married its different.

i think if she was just a GF i would have left it.
 
benjii said:
In my experience, when you split up, unless you're in a position to discuss and resolve (or at least try) all the issues that led to that point, you will inevitably just split again. It always goes well to begin with because you have that honeymoon period where things are great again, but unless the issues have been dealt with, they return but with added resentment.
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Indeed, and this is pretty much what happened. Things were good to start and then they weren't.. then resentment for that set it and went from there.

Maccy said:
Kudos to you both for trying, and kudos to her for not being a typical woman and leaving you with the debt.
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Yes, should certainly take some weight off the shoulders!

elmuzzy66. said:
Well now that you are free, vidar has the number of a very nice girl for you, you are welcomed;)
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Haha! Not quite that desperate!!.... yet!
 
totally harsh dude, sorry to hear that. seriously if a woman did that to me, she and I would be finished. Its a grave in justice I tells ya!
 
Locke said:
One of the better OP delivered incidents that I've seen! Would definitely read again.
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:) glad you err... enjoyed? haha.

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Well I just feel like a brain dump to be honest and I just want to write a load of stuff that may or may or not make sense, and I'm not necessary looking for any response to, I just want to write it - just as a form of release..

Ive had a few to drink tonight and just got home (after that abysmal England performance.. urhg!), and at this point I feel I would normally try and send a text,fb message,snapchat or something to just talk as such or say something girly like 'I miss you' to her, but even writing this now I don't feel the urge to do that.. which confirms to me even more that this is the right decision and i've no fight left for it.

-----

Backstory - She has always, since I've known her had to deal with depression due to her trying to commit suicide when she was 13 (in my opinion not a real attempt but instead a serious cry for help). Her parents, mum in particular clearly had issues of her own when she was younger and has an extremely uptight and sensitive view on how the rest of the world view what she would like to be her 'perfect family'. For this reason, when the ex did the above, her parents didn't even go to visit her in hospital the two days she was there. And then refused to accept any sort of counselling or medical care for her afterwards. This has hung onto the ex like a bad smell and even today completely effects her confidence, relationships and outright happiness. I have tried my very best to help with this, but its something that in my very logical way of looking at things, cant be fixed. The only option would be talking to her mum about what happened.. but she would only turn it back around on the views of her 'perfect family' and make the ex feel even worse.. so she decided not to do this.. in which case the only option is to get over it and move on.. which she just never has. Her depression recently has got worse and she is now going to see a doctor about it... she gave a slight hint at feelings she had been having the other day and I had the impression that she was having the feelings again of trying to end her own life.

This made/makes things so so so much harder. As although I can see the relationship has come to an end, and so can she deep down.. I still care for the girl and ultimately I want to help her. The last thing I want is to leave her and in 4 weeks time here shes done something stupid.

She was in a much better frame of mind when we both decided enough was enough so that made it easier at the time to discuss it all, although no less emotionally draining.

Her parents have been very good to me over the years and I 100% feel I need to go see them just to say thankyou and goodbye I suppose..

But a thought came to mind the other day that I cant decide upon. Should I write a letter, from my point of view and in a trying to help context not a horrible one to her mum that I give to her at the time with the promise that she doesn't take it personally and doesn't tell the ex..... Outlining the issues the ex has with her and that ultimately she just needs to say how she felt at the time and hear her mum say 'I'm sorry I love you'.. Just those simple words would fix so so much for her. But I cant decide If I should or not..

If your still reading by this point, kudos to you and apologies for the rambling, but what are your thoughts?
 
You can't fix people and she is no longer your problem. It's harsh but it's true. She'll have to look after herself with support from friends and family and you'll do the same. That's how break ups work. You don't instigate a codependent relationship through guilt or worry, you move on.

Sever.
 
Leave it be, once they are gone they are gone.
You just hurt yourself more putting yourself through nonsense like letter writing, long phone calls etc.

Forget her and move on.
 
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