Girlfriend is religious, I'm atheist.. Can this work?

It obviously can work, my Grandmother is Catholic and my Grandad was atheist and just ignored the whole church thing. As your gf feels strongly that she wants her kids raised Catholic it depends on whether you mind!
 
Stuff said:
Please don't read below if easily offended, religious opinions expressed :D

I'm looking to hopefully get some unbiased input on this.. I'm an atheist, as I suspect many of you guys are too, but would appreciate views from different beliefs/cultures too if possible!

Imagine the scenario: You're atheist. Your girlfriend is a Roman Catholic. You've been together for two years, and it may soon be time for a baby. However, your girlfriend is concerned about your beliefs, or lack of. You respect her choices and beliefs, but can't quite understand religion, and can't accept it, due to it being completely illogical! (In your view..) You believe in science! :D She would want any child she has brought up with religious views, going to church on a regular basis, and brought up with the 'correct' beliefs, ideals, morals, etc..

My view on the situation is that, although being based around good principles, religion is kind of a guilt trip, and you don't need God, and the threat of burning in hell etc. to be a good person.

Her view is that having two parents that don't believe could be a deal-breaker... Even if I were to concede and agree to go to church and what-not, but still not believing and remaining atheist, it wouldn't be enough.

What is your opinion? :)
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Years ago, I dated what I consider to be the fittest girl I've ever seen with my own eyes. She was drop dead gorgeous. We hit it off instantly and became inseparable within a short space of time.
Then her mother then came back from 6 months in Australia and discovered I was an atheist. She called me satan when I phoned the house, she stopped letting me in the house and then she finally got her nasty claws into her daughters head and split us up about a week later.

Good luck. You'll probably need it.
 
Teach your child to treat everybody with respect and let them make up their own minds on things as they go through life. As the first post says, forcing religion on a child is tantamount to child abuse.

Forcing her views on your child is not fair at all.
 
Stuff said:
She's an amazing person; very kind and selfless, with religion playing a very small part in daily life. I agree on the 'punishing stick' philosophy, but she doesn't see it like that. As I said, I don't see religion and her beliefs as an issue, but she sees my lack of.. as a problem.
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How do you deal with her clear lack of critical thinking skills?

How do you deal with the cognitive dissonance of her thinking and that the Church provides boundaries, where as in reality, like in any large organisation, it is intensely corrupt, but went even further and is guilty of facilitating and then trying to cover up the rape of children?

It might not be a big part of her life, but it is a clear reflection of her character.

If someone cannot be good without God, why is she with you? The scariest question that religious people ask is, "Well, if you don't believe in god, what is stopping you raping and killing people?", as if, to them, their faith stops them, and without it, they themselves would do those things easily.

Present her with the facts and the clear illogical nature of religion and the belief that it helps children, and if she does not come around, then you need to ask yourself why you are with someone with such flaws to their thinking.
 
If it's going to affect your relationship, and potentially have a fall out or affect any children that you may have, you have to think about the children. Is it fair for them to be brought up in a household that isn't stable from that point of view?

I'm not suggesting you break up, but at the same time I'd consider very seriously if having children when there is such a clash of opinions is wise.
 
Stuff said:
That was also part of my argument.. Let's educate the child to a whole host of different religions, but also teach science and the ideas of the big bang, evolution, etc. and let the child choose what to believe.

Her thoughts are that when she was younger, it would have been so much easier to not be religious due to all the restrictions she had on her life, so that is what the child would choose. I'm unsure..
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Yes, but surely the FAITH (believing in something you can't see etc.) always remains. Your gf is just admitting that she follows religion not because she actually BELIEVES in it, but because its a habit, or because that's the only thing she was taught.

If you actually BELIEVE in something, you do it irrelevant of everything.

How does that relate to the kid? Well, if he believes in it, then he wouldn't care about the negatives. The promise of eternal life will outweigh the negatives (church, restrictions etc.) I understand that at 7/8/9/10 up to 16/17 he may be too young to decide, but older than that, he can decide himself. The problem is what do you tell him in that those years? That's the challenge.
Hikari Kisugi said:
People are suggesting you give the kid the options, this won't happen, no one gets presented with lots of religious beliefs and scienec facts and gets left to make up their own mind. no one.
If the child goes to a Catholic school it will be taught religion and expected to believe that teaching, it does teach a nice firm moral code, much kess lax than is reported, but it is a nice code.

Talk to your GF, now. Ask her if she thinks your child will have a religious or secular upbringing.
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Well, you don't present 'a lot of religions.' You let mum tell him what she thinks, take him to church occasionally etc. but he firmly denies it, then you can't force him. The problem is in the first few years of the kid. What do you do?

I was brought up in Malta, technically, 98% roman catholic (just over 50% practicing though). ALL school teach religion. A vast number of church schools. Everybody goes to church schools irrelevant of their faith. I went to a church school, run by brothers (not even sure how to say this in a way that is understood lol). And I still don't follow the religion.

As I said, I believe in the MORALS (don't steal, don't kill, although these are the base of any religion), but I don't fully believe in all the rest it presents.

EDIT: People questioning her faith. How ****ing ignorant. She believes, why the **** are you saying "How can she deny facts" or "her lack of critical thinking." You may believe AMD is better than NVidia. I think otherwise. People are different, thats what makes us unique.

EDIT 2: I see that you spoke about it already, and you didn't get far. If she stamps her feet down and denies anything you stay, stay clear.
 
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Kids should have a choice about going to church and it should not be forced upon them by a parent either one. I am an atheist but I do not force any of my views upon my kids, they can make up their own minds.
 
hurfdurf said:
Were they to ask to go to church, or your opinion, what would you reaction be?
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They learn RE at school and take part in the singing in assembly, if they want to go to church that's fine but I wouldn't take them, my son has asked me about heaven after pets and I have simply informed him I do not believe in it but he needs to make up his own mind.

What I wont do is tell them at every turn that god, jesus, heaven and hell don't exist its not my place, but if I was I would not want to force them into believing by dressing them up every Sunday and forcing them to Church.
 
Interesting reading the replies... Any input FOR religion? I had a feeling this wouldn't be the best arena for non-atheist views :p
 
Stuff said:
Her view is that having two parents that don't believe could be a deal-breaker... Even if I were to concede and agree to go to church and what-not, but still not believing and remaining atheist, it wouldn't be enough.

What is your opinion? :)
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I think you should find someone who will accommodate a different set of views than their own. You sound terribly incompatable.
 
[FnG]magnolia;25499040 said:
I think you should find someone who will accommodate a different set of views than their own. You sound terribly incompatable.
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The thing is, we're extremely compatible in every other way! We get on so so well, even after all this time. And it's never really been an issue.. But when kids got brought up.. :confused:
 
Ask her if her God came to her, in any way she perceives him/her/it and told her to kill her child would she do so.

If she says "no" then tell her she is on some level an atheist too, if she says "yes" then run out of there as fast your legs will carry you and count your blessings (before ringing social services of course).
 
well, i guess its up to her - your gf sounds like she is the one with the problem and will have to decide whats more important.
 
I don't think mainstream Christian morals are necessarily a bad thing to raise a child by (obviously the anti gay bigotry needs to be dropped and largely is now by lots of Christians, strict no sex before marriage is also pointlessly silly for most people) but in general its not too bad. Labeling a child as belonging to some religion is a bit off though - would be better if you were happy to explain that mum is a Catholic, Dad doesn't believe, introduce the kid to religion and let him/her make their own mind up when they're older - a baptism probably wouldn't do any harm and would perhaps pacify her family at least but maybe agree to give the child a completely free choice regarding confirmation etc... (you never know - he/she might even opt to go through it just for show/to keep the grandparents happy)

The reality is that as we continue to advance technologically we'll probably see more and more people shaking off these beliefs... but we'll likely also see a lot of people going through the motions to keep family members happy.
 
Stuff said:
The thing is, we're extremely compatible in every other way! We get on so so well, even after all this time. And it's never really been an issue.. But when kids got brought up.. :confused:
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Read your own OP. She considers it a deal breaker even if you invest time and energy into something you fundamentally don't agree with. That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.

There are hundreds of thousand of women out there (well, billions I suppose but anyway) and many of them will also be compatable with you on everything she is but also on how they view kids should be raised.

e : added the quote for clarity:

OP said:
Her view is that having two parents that don't believe could be a deal-breaker... Even if I were to concede and agree to go to church and what-not, but still not believing and remaining atheist, it wouldn't be enough.
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