Just say no...It's not worth the trouble and strife

Freakbro

Freakbro

Freakbro

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The age old question within a marriage, is it better to be happy or right? It seems they are not mutually exclusive...

A study to assess whether marriage improves if a husband bows to all his wife’s demands had to be abandoned after the man sank into a deep depression within a fortnight.
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:D

Researchers asked a husband to “agree with his wife’s every opinion and request without complaint”, making him “bow and scrape” even if he believed she was in the wrong.
But after recruiting a couple for a pilot experiment, the team from the University of Auckland in New Zealand was forced to scrap the project.
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So they recruited a married couple for the experiment and got the husband to modify his behaviour by just agreeing to all his wifes demands, without the wife knowing this was going to happen.

“We thought everybody would be happily living ever after," says Arroll, a professor in the School of Population Health, whose findings are reported in the Christmas issue of BMJ

Arroll admits that his team didn’t go into the experiment with a neutral attitude. “We thought that by agreeing, one partner with the other, that it would make them both happy,"

It was, Arroll says, a disaster.

The wife, who didn’t quite know what was going on, just got out of control, he says.

“Her behavior was just getting increasingly sort of demanding and sort of bossy, I guess would be the word, which became unbearable for the male participant,” he says.

After just 12 days, the the man’s quality of life score had plummeted from 7 out of 10 at the start to 3, while the wife wasn’t really much happier — her happiness score rose slightly from 8 to 8.5.

“We didn’t expect the adverse events,” says Arroll.*
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Not exactly the most serious of experiments with a data set of 1, but it goes to show in this ever metrosexualised world, don't forget who wears the trousers! ;)

http://www.today.com/health/marriag...istmas-could-virgin-births-be-real-2D11762820
 
I have to agree with the findings

My divorce is the perfect example, I was a real doormat in my last marriage and the worst thing is that I didn't even realise it until after I left her.

Same thing happened to her, the more I gave in, the more she became unbearable and demanding, and she seemed unhappier than ever! Quite frankly the phrase spoilt child is the best description I can think of.

After the divorce I was a changed man, yeah I might come off as a bit alpha on this forum, but that's not just me being a keyboard warrior, i'm just being myself here. To be honest after growing a pair my life has become so much better it's almost unreal.

Far better job, more respect from the people around me, best of all I have a sweet gf that doesn't give me a hard time at all, she's the complete opposite to my ex-wife and listens to me and now she realises that i'm right the vast majority of the time. And we're both really truly happy

I see time and again on this forum that men are scared to buy themselves stuff because what the other half thinks. But women just have to get used to the fact that we have a say in our own lives too
 
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It would have been the same result if the woman had bowed to all the husbands demands.

It doesn't tell you anything about the sexes, but rather the way to conduct a meaningful relationship is love and respect from both parties.
 
robgmun said:
I see time and again on this forum that men are scared to buy themselves stuff because what the other half thinks. But women just have to get used to the fact that we have a say in our own lives too
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Indeed, it is very unlikely your other half would ask you whether she can buy a hundred quid worth of clothing every two weeks or not, so why should you run your purchases through her?

Of course, assuming you both have your own finances, not using shared money for it.
 
Rob, I noticed that ypu were alpha and right the vast majority of the time!

amigafan2003 said:
It would have been the same result if the woman had bowed to all the husbands demands.

It doesn't tell you anything about the sexes, but rather the way to conduct a meaningful relationship is love and respect from both parties.
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I agree with this. I've seen quite a few passive women in marriages around me, who let their husbands dominate and make the big decisions. The thing is that their partners aren't exactly omniscient...
 
robgmun said:
I see time and again on this forum that men are scared to buy themselves stuff because what the other half thinks. But women just have to get used to the fact that we have a say in our own lives too
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I agree, I just dont get why a man should be scared that he needs to ask permission to buy something he wants! HE EARNS MONEY TOO.
There are women at work who say they dictate what their husbands do. I would never dream of telling seabiscuit what to spend his money on.
Both our wages go in one pot for everything, its there to use as we both want after bills of course.
 
amigafan2003 said:
It would have been the same result if the woman had bowed to all the husbands demands.

It doesn't tell you anything about the sexes, but rather the way to conduct a meaningful relationship is love and respect from both parties.
Click to expand...

I agree. I'm surprised that anyone would have expected a different result to this experiment. Although with a sample size so small, it doesn't really tell anyone anything about anything.
 
Early in my relationship I tended to take the easy route and more often than not I went along with what she wanted ( she is older than me which is the reason I think I tended to do it). But as I've got older I simply can't do that and stand up for what I think is right now. Unfortunately it has brought a lot more stress into our relationship and we do argue a lot. But I think that simply saying yes just masks the problem. It may seem quieter but it doesn't bring happiness. Life is too short to let other people dictate what you do.
 
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robgmun said:
Far better job, more respect from the people around me, best of all I have a sweet gf that doesn't give me a hard time at all, she's the complete opposite to my ex-wife and listens to me and now she realises that i'm right the vast majority of the time. And we're both really truly happy
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I'm pretty certain your ex would have said the same about your relationship before when she was bossy.
 
Angilion said:
I agree. I'm surprised that anyone would have expected a different result to this experiment. Although with a sample size so small, it doesn't really tell anyone anything about anything.
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I'm not sure it was so serious an experiment as the article mentions about the professer wanting to get an article into the christmas edition of the BMJ, described as a firmly tongue in cheek edition.

I just don't think anyone expected it to go so off the rails so quickly! :D
 
ntg said:
I'm pretty certain your ex would have said the same about your relationship before when she was bossy.
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Reading fail, as i have said before, the more i gave in the more unhappy she became, we would fight like cat and dog towards the end.
 
I thought the trick was to maintain the illusion that you want more than you do, so you have something to sacrifice (which isn't really a sacrifice because you never wanted it) during domestic altercations to keep the peace.

(I don't actually do this, but it sounds like an awesome idea - I applaud myself for thinking of it).
 
elmarko said:
I thought the trick was to maintain the illusion that you want more than you do, so you have something to sacrifice (which isn't really a sacrifice because you never wanted it) during domestic altercations to keep the peace.

(I don't actually do this, but it sounds like an awesome idea - I applaud myself for thinking of it).
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I WANT TO USE THE BACKDOOR!
NO
...... BJ?


That kind of thing?
 
Mrs Seabiscuit said:
I agree, I just dont get why a man should be scared that he needs to ask permission to buy something he wants! HE EARNS MONEY TOO.
There are women at work who say they dictate what their husbands do. I would never dream of telling seabiscuit what to spend his money on.
Both our wages go in one pot for everything, its there to use as we both want after bills of course.
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I normally check with the wife before I buy something, but that's primarily because she looks after the combined finances, and I tend to forget if we have a bill or something about to come out. Rather than asking for permission, it's more for me to make sure I'm not forgetting something that's about to be paid out!
 
I find the problem is your damned if you do your damned if you don't
Example: - You do something wrong, she is upset. She does something wrong, she is upset that your upset with her.

Can't win.
 
amigafan2003 said:
It would have been the same result if the woman had bowed to all the husbands demands.

It doesn't tell you anything about the sexes, but rather the way to conduct a meaningful relationship is love and respect from both parties.
Click to expand...

Indeed.

It's a 2 way street.

Perfectly summed up.
 
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