Well.. she left.

Really sorry to hear about what you're going through mate, I know exactly how you feel as I've been through it a couple of years ago with my ex who I was with for nearly 5 years.

We got together when I was the same age as you (17) and at the time she was my world, I basically lost contact with all of my old school/college friends because of her and I even fell out with one of my best and oldest friends as well because I stopped making time for him and had moved in with her. She broke up with me just before I turned 22, It had been on the cards for a while and you could say that we just grew apart, I suppose it didn't help that I had been living with her for around 3 years up to that point as well and there were a lot of heated arguments/moaning too.

When she broke up with me it took a few days to sink in as she had attempted to break up with me a couple of times a few weeks prior to this but the worst extent it got to before would be that she would ask me to leave, to which I did but then a few hours later she would phone me up crying and ask me to come back. However, the last time was it - she called it off very late one evening and I just said "fine" and went to sleep and then went to work the next day and never really thought anything of it.

Then while I was at work she had packed all of my things and basically said that she was sorry and enough is enough, she changed her Facebook relationship status to Single which therefore automatically changed mine to single as well (which gathered a lot of interest from old friends!). Low and behold when I got home I still didn't believe that she wanted it to be over and I then got all of my things into my car and drove to my Mums house as she wished.

2 days had passed and I still didn't think anything of it, and then suddenly while at work on the next day the truth & reality hit me like a train going at full speed and I literally broke down there and in front of my work colleagues at the time too.

I should mention as well that I had suspicions about the fact that she was texting a lot on her phone for a couple of weeks prior to her breaking up with me and low a behold - a few days after she broke up with me I also learned that she was planning on going on a date with a guy who lived near by, someone who I knew of but not personally and she even informed me about this via text shortly after as she felt that "I should know".

The next thing I noticed was that she had changed her relationship status on Facebook from Single back to "In A Relationship". I must mention as well that during the time we were together, I paid for her phone contract every month and at the time of breaking up there was still around 4 months left to go on the contract which I still had to pay for! An idea which had popped up in my head and stuck in my head for days was that at the time I still got all of the phone bills for her contract in my possession and temptation got the better of me and I decided to look at the phone bill dated for the 2 months previous. Low and behold, my suspicions were correct - she had been sending on average 20 texts and made at least 1 call to this same number which I was informed was this guy on a daily bases for over 2 weeks prior to us breaking up.

That's when the depression and the mass upset took me over the edge, the entire break up nearly destroyed me altogether as I slipped into depression for well over a month and started smoking literally 24/7.

Sorry that this may be a bit long, but trust me - things will get better. It took me nearly 2 months to start feeling better and literally within a month of us breaking up, I had reconciled with my old school/college mates and I changed my lifestyle around too by spending as much time with them as possible, going on nights out/having the time of my life again and started going to the gym. If it wasn't for them and for my family as well, who knows what would have happened to me.

Just don't do what I did though, 6 months after we had broken up and at the time I was having the time of my life - my ex approached me via text and phone calls over the coarse of a few days basically stating that she wanted to get back with me and really missed me, she apparently came to the realization that she would never be able to meet anyone more genuine than me as the bloke who she had got with messed her about and dumped her within a couple of months of them getting together.

When she approached me again this time, all the old feelings and love I had for her had come back and stupidly I gave into her and got back with her again. However, we only lasted for 3 months and she dumped me right before Christmas 2011 as she decided to get with someone else and it "didn't feel the same". Yet again I was heart broken but I got over it within a few days this time :) I know for sure that I will never make the mistake with getting back with her ever again though, not after what she did to me twice.

Good luck & best wishes to you mate :)

Liam
 
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ashrobbo said:
I'm not hung up on her fancying this other guy. I work in the service industry and hot women is pretty much a daily, it would be unnatural for her not to fancy somebody else. However i'd never cross the line and cheat and I hope she wouldn't either.

I'm purposely not changing my facebook relationship status until I know for sure because it'll either spark abuse or draw too many questions.
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There are ways of changing it without announcing it to the world, bit fiddly but it can be done.
 
LEK-89 said:
Really sorry to hear about what you're going through mate, I know exactly how you feel as I've been through it a couple of years ago with my ex who I was with for nearly 5 years.

We got together when I was the same age as you (17) and at the time she was my world, I basically lost contact with all of my old school/college friends because of her and I even fell out with one of my best and oldest friends as well because I stopped making time for him and had moved in with her. She broke up with me just before I turned 22, It had been on the cards for a while and you could say that we just grew apart, I suppose it didn't help that I had been living with her for around 3 years up to that point as well and there were a lot of heated arguments/moaning too.

When she broke up with me it took a few days to sink in as she had attempted to break up with me a couple of times a few weeks prior to this but the worst extent it got to before would be that she would ask me to leave, to which I did but then a few hours later she would phone me up crying and ask me to come back. However, the last time was it - she called it off very late one evening and I just said "fine" and went to sleep and then went to work the next day and never really thought anything of it.

Then while I was at work she had packed all of my things and basically said that she was sorry and enough is enough, she changed her Facebook relationship status to Single which therefore automatically changed mine to single as well (which gathered a lot of interest from old friends!). Low and behold when I got home I still didn't believe that she wanted it to be over and I then got all of my things into my car and drove to my Mums house as she wished.

2 days had passed and I still didn't think anything of it, and then suddenly while at work on the next day the truth & reality hit me like a train going at full speed and I literally broke down there and in front of my work colleagues at the time too.

I should mention as well that I had suspicions about the fact that she was texting a lot on her phone for a couple of weeks prior to her breaking up with me and low a behold - a few days after she broke up with me I also learned that she was planning on going on a date with a guy who lived near by, someone who I knew of but not personally and she even informed me about this via text shortly after as she felt that "I should know".

The next thing I noticed was that she had changed her relationship status on Facebook from Single back to "In A Relationship". I must mention as well that during the time we were together, I paid for her phone contract every month and at the time of breaking up there was still around 4 months left to go on the contract which I still had to pay for! An idea which had popped up in my head and stuck in my head for days was that at the time I still got all of the phone bills for her contract in my possession and temptation got the better of me and I decided to look at the phone bill dated for the 2 months previous. Low and behold, my suspicions were correct - she had been sending on average 20 texts and made at least 1 call to this same number which I was informed was this guy on a daily bases for over 2 weeks prior to us breaking up.

That's when the depression and the mass upset took me over the edge, the entire break up nearly destroyed me altogether as I slipped into depression for well over a month and started smoking literally 24/7.

Sorry that this may be a bit long, but trust me - things will get better. It took me nearly 2 months to start feeling better and literally within a month of us breaking up, I had reconciled with my old school/college mates and I changed my lifestyle around too by spending as much time with them as possible, going on nights out/having the time of my life again and started going to the gym. If it wasn't for them and for my family as well, who knows what would have happened to me.

Just don't do what I did though, 6 months after we had broken up and at the time I was having the time of my life - my ex approached me via text and phone calls over the coarse of a few days basically stating that she wanted to get back with me and really missed me, she apparently came to the realization that she would never be able to meet anyone more genuine than me as the bloke who she had got with messed her about and dumped her within a couple of months of them getting together.

When she approached me again this time, all the old feelings and love I had for her had come back and stupidly I gave into her and got back with her again. However, we only lasted for 3 months and she dumped me right before Christmas 2011 as she decided to get with someone else and it "didn't feel the same". Yet again I was heart broken but I got over it within a few days this time :) I know for sure that I will never make the mistake with getting back with her ever again though, not after what she did to me twice.

Good luck & best wishes to you mate :)

Liam
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Keep on being a champ :)

I know the feeling something like this happened to me but i slammed the door in the back of her head on the way out.
 
Life is tough but I promise you one thing with absolute certainty. This is so far away from the worst pain you'll feel in your life and in 12 months time you'll look back and think what the hell was I worried/upset about. To ensure this, you need to spend a week coming to grips with it then get back out there and get some fresh. If I were you I'd draw a line under it, don't try to rationalise it or reason it, put it to bed and move on as quick as you can. It seems, based on what you are telling us it is over, you need to come to grips with it and get back out there old boy. You are still a nipper!
 
ashrobbo said:
That's new years up the swanny! we were meant to be going to our joint friends house party, not a chance i'm going now cant be doing with all the questions and other couples! this morning as my best mate took me out on the town to forget about it.
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Ignoring the rest and focusing on this only (since you got a lot of advice on the other stuff). Why should you not go? Friends dude. Get in tough.

I know what I am going to say is quite selfish, but you need them more than ever now. They will make you feel better. If people ask you something, just answer with 'meh, things didn't work out.' It always works :D:D If she is there (which I doubt by what you said) just say hi with a head nod and keep on going. Not the time to brig your feelings up again, and even more, not the time to speak about you (in plural, i.e. both of you together).
ashrobbo said:
I'm slightly disappointing that bang anything that moves or smashing some pasty hasn't been mentioned sooner :)

Thank you for all of the wise words.

johnny - totally agree and I will see how things go.

I've had several texts from her family, just seeing if im ok. She's a mess apparently. Shes got her best mate going round tonight and they are going to have a chat. However I think my mind is made up already.
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Good. Very glad to hear this. Stay strong :)
 
I'd put money on the fact she is seeing this other guy.

She says her feelings have changed and she doesn't know why, but then goes on to talk about this other guy. He is on the scene, guaranteed.

Move on mate. Concentrate on extricating yourself financially and only communicate with her relating to that stuff, nothing else. What else is there left to discuss?

She's decided to end it, no matter how much of a joint decision you think it is. Accept that, regardless of what she says and focus on your own stuff.
 
This won't obviously help, but from the other side of the fence in my experience. If things were bad and you try and work it out, it often strings out a relationship for another 6 months of awkwardness, resentment, shouting, arguing and generally being unhappy.
Count it as a blessing that you might be unhappy for a month rather than 6 more. :D
 
This sounds very familiar, sorry to hear it.

Same thing happen to me when I was about the same age, long relationship since a kid, house together, shared friends etc etc.. no longer feel the same etc.. tried a 'break' which was fine til I saw her outside a bar eating the face of another guy 2 weeks later.

The best thing I did to get over it was to move out of the house we shared, cut all contact and start a new life, moved to Australia for a year and dated many girls!. Soon forgot about her when dating other people and enjoying the extra time I had to myself.

It was hard as you miss the support of that other person but it is good for yourself as you learn to survive on your own which you kinda miss out on from being with someone from so young. Just move on and don't try and talk it out or think to much about it, she is gone and you must move on now with your own life. As above really, just prolongs it all and means you can't get over it
 
Sorry to say but I would just end it here. She says she has feeling for someone at work? I believe she will now try spending some time with them to see if they suit and she will end it with you forever once she is happy she has found a replacement for you. Has she been hanging out with this person more the past few months?

My advice, don't contact her and don't let her fill your head with crap. If this happened to me I could never go back to her and why would you want to?
 
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Update:

Well Guys, Last night was just chilling out playing the PS4 when she suddenly burst in, tears running down her face. Crying how shes sorry and she had made a huge mistake. Infact its the worst ive ever seen her.

A mutual friend had called her saying shes sorry we had split up, she came to the realization that she had lost me for good and couldn't cope. She had been a mess at work all day.

I stayed neutral, calmed her down and told her we needed to talk things through. We stayed up most of last night saying what we wanted from our relationship, ensured we were on the same page. She has some things she needs to seek help/advice on (why she over analyses every single things and makes problems out of things that really aren't) I also have to make some changes. We are going to take small steps in getting there. There's a lot happened in the past 12 months and she felt under pressure from it all. Stress affects her more then most.

We had it out about this 'other guy' It was never anything, hes a good looking guy and that all he is to her. She's pretty close to some of her work friends who all agree hes not a nice person. I believe her on this, no doubt. Like I said, she cannot lie at all. Shes on a temp contract ending in Feb anyway so she will be moving onto another workplace then.

We talked about what would happen if this happened again. I told her it would be the last straw and I wont go through it all again.

I'd like to thank everybody for their help and wisdom. I know what a lot of you said, to move on but I just couldn't throw away a relationship that has been going for so long and has the potential to be so much more. I have my eyes wide open.
 
Predictable to say the least. That is what all women do :D:p

Your life is up to you. Saw many posts here that were in a similar situation as you, they got back together, it didn't 'feel the same' and they broke up once again.

Then again, I don't want to ruin your thread/mind/moment. If you feel that's the best, good luck. :)
 
Maybe it will end up like that... maybe it wont.

However i'd kick myself for not trying. I'm not going to accuse her of anything. The first step of repairing is trust, which I do. She told me outright she hasn't or never intended to cheat on me. Maybe its all a pack of lies and all these years shes been an excellent liar, or shes telling the truth. I'm picking the latter and sticking with it.

Magnolia you say a bad decision? People are entitled to mistakes, she made hers by leaving. Being realistic it was for a day, if it was weeks or months it would be a different matter. This was a lapse in judgement. I don't think its a bad decision to not throw away something so awesome (which aside from this, it always has been) and that has gone on for so long. Like I said if it happens again i'm done, i'm walking away.
 
Good luck to you both Ashrobbo. Despite any advice anyone can give you both, ultimately the heart wants what the heart wants...everyone makes bad decisions that doesn't mean you have made one. It might not work out, but then again it might..you will never know unless you try and that would be, in my opinion, better than never trying all all.
 
Well the next family get together will be awkward.

Glad you are both giving it another go though. No relationship is perfect.
 
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