Engagement Ring, Wedding & Saving House Deposit?

Mr Jones

Mr Jones

Mr Jones

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I've been together with my girlfriend for over 7 years now. We both know we want to be together, start a family e.t.c, lived together for the last 3.5 years, without any major issues, so I know we're good.

We are at the point where we're saving money to a house deposit, probably need another 2 years of saving yet, whilst we continue to pay off debts that we've picked up when we were more naïve.

Currently living on tight budget and seem to be working - 1 night out a month, a few 'free' days out, cooking at home, loads of night in with games and movies.

Anyway, the thought of proposing and getting married has been on my mind for at least the past 6 months. How would you, in similar situation approach this?

Engagement ring costs, wedding can cost a lot more. The prospect of starting a family whilst only just finding financial control feels a little daunting yet thinking about it, when is it ever the perfect moment to start a family?

Assuming no financial support from either side of parents, nor are we pinning hopes on any sudden windfall. Perhaps we can start small and modest and if we're still together in 10 years time, we can renew our vow and make it big?

TL;DR - I'm thinking of proposing and marrying my long term girlfriend whilst we're in the mist of clearing debt and saving for a house deposit, how should I approach this?
 
I can't contribute very much to this in the way of advice, but I feel quite similarly to you. I'm working now, saving some money, and have been with my girlfriend for 4 years this month. I'd happily get engaged to her, but we don't live together yet and certainly can't afford a house. She'd love to get engaged right now, but if I were to buy the kind of ring she wanted and propose, I'd set back our plans to move into our own house by months!!

She knows my stance, though. I won't marry her until we have a house, and that's it. I'd stick by that if I were you :)
 
Don't spend money you can't afford. A wedding on a budget can be just as special as a full on willy waving frenzy.

No need to renew vows more lavishly later, just do what works for you.
 
Mate your 27, loads of time for all the things you want.

I'm 36, mortgage, 3 kids, weddings paid for (from 2 years ago)...
 
dirtychinchilla said:
She knows my stance, though. I won't marry her until we have a house, and that's it. I'd stick by that if I were you :)
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We both know what we're aiming for, so it makes sense to focus on that...

Skidder said:
Don't spend money you can't afford. A wedding on a budget can be just as special as a full on willy waving frenzy.

No need to renew vows more lavishly later, just do what works for you.
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Aye, the thought of just parents, siblings and a couple of close friends seems much better value than anything more grand...

Haggisman said:
Slap myself in the face, and tell myself to stop being such a ****ing idiot!
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I know I'm in quite a good place but I'm 28 this year. She's 26. Maybe I'm just pressuring myself to hit my goals I've got for "...when I'm 30..."

Kijcax said:
Mate your 27, loads of time for all the things you want.

I'm 36, mortgage, 3 kids, weddings paid for (from 2 years ago)...
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When did you start having kids? I've always thought I should have kids by when I'm 30, and as a traditionalist, I think we should be married before having kids... so that seems to add more pressure on myself I think...
 
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I was in a very similar situation to you and decided that it would be far better not to get married and spend the money on a house instead.

A house is just as much of a commitment as a wedding (probably harder to get out of as well) so it sends all the right signals to the partner.

At the end of the day a wedding is a quick way to blow £10k on a party and a holiday which will severely set your savings back. You need to discuss with your partner whether she would prefer this money went on a house deposit instead.
 
If you feel you're ready, pop the question. You don't have to go out and buy an expensive engagement ring right now, just a simple silver band would do it and then buy a more personal one at a later date.
I thought getting engaged was about the actual engagement, not the crystal on her finger :rolleyes: Also getting engaged doesn't mean you need to get married within the next couple of weeks, it can be years.
 
Mr Jones said:
When did you start having kids? I've always thought I should have kids by when I'm 30, and as a traditionalist, I think we should be married before having kids... so that seems to add more pressure on myself I think...
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Had our first at when i was 27, 3rd (and final!) just over 2 years ago. Tradition is great, but whatever happens, happens.

No point pressuring yourself, enjoy it...it's one hell of a ride :D
 
elrasho said:
Only you know this, but what are the chances she'll say yes? Have you thought about a plan B in case she says no/not yet?
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I'm 99.9% certain she'll say yes.
She'll say yes as we've discussed this before. She's essentially waiting for me to pull the trigger and I happy to commit.

Do I however, want to mess where we are good now to open a potential flood gate of spending for wedding, tight budget or not, will still put our current aims off course by possibly months/years?

Hyburnate said:
If you feel you're ready, pop the question. You don't have to go out and buy an expensive engagement ring right now, just a simple silver band would do it and then buy a more personal one at a later date.
I thought getting engaged was about the actual engagement, not the crystal on her finger :rolleyes: Also getting engaged doesn't mean you need to get married within the next couple of weeks, it can be years.
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I've been thinking, due to my work, I can make a bespoke ring out of gelatine sweet (Haribo), that can always act as a ring till we can afford something she chooses(!!)

Kijcax said:
Had our first at when i was 27, 3rd (and final!) just over 2 years ago. Tradition is great, but whatever happens, happens.

No point pressuring yourself, enjoy it...it's one hell of a ride :D
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That's true, if she does say yes, we can always sign a register and sod the wedding till we've got the money. In the eyes of the law, we're a married couple so having kids isn't really out of wedlock...
 
elrasho said:
In that case don't get a ring, get her a hat instead and explain 'sod the marketing names and sod tradition'.. I'm sure she'll be thrilled :rolleyes:
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If she wants a hat she can get a hat. It's something between the individuals not every other person, surely?
 
It boils down to what's important to both of you. For me it would be House > Wedding > Kids. In which case save up for a deposit on a house, once achieved look at wedding costs. If your going all out it's going to effect your current debt management. If your going cheap it will make it easier to get the house and save up for kids (having kids is a lot more expensive than people think).

As for proposing, it seems your both proper into each other so the fact that you actually proposed will amaze her. For the ring try BlueNile or do a search here there a threads with great advice as to where to get your ring from.

Once you have the £££ for a house and a wedding execute the plan! :)
 
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Mr Jones said:
Aye, the thought of just parents, siblings and a couple of close friends seems much better value than anything more grand...
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Just make sure she thinks that as well. You (hopefully) only do it once, so you don't want her moaning about a naff wedding for the rest of her life. :D

Also, if you only invite a few people, will anyone you leave out be offended? It's your big day, not theirs, so anyone who cares should back whatever you choose.... but there are some right nut jobs out there!
 
Between the house and the wedding, that's a very personal thing and there's probably no right answer.

However, I'd try to clear your existing debts first.
 
is spending another 10k going to make you love her or her love you more?

Priorities always.
 
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