Case in point about people posting blatantly false information
friend etiquette helping a friend and freeloaders
- Thread starter Surfer
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Case in point about people posting blatantly false information
Wow just wow.... ok. done what on 2 occasions?
![[TW]Fox](/data/man-of-honor/2009.png){kind=avatar}
Nobody is 'kicking you when you are down'. You've posted here asking for advice and views and thats exactly what you are getting. Perhaps it isnt the advice or views you hoped to get, but maybe thats because people genuinelly beleive that actually, it's not your mate who is in the wrong here?
The impression people are getting, and this is reflected in the way they post, is that the whole thing seems a bit bizarre on your part.
We are trying to highlight that from reading the story, we kinda side with him rather than you. This is a fairly good opportunity therefore to reflect on the situation and wonder whether the way you handled it was the most appropriate.
Or you could just lash out at everyone and report people for personal attacks because the advice Participant gave you was particularly frank, I guess..
It's not 'blatantly false information' its the picture people have built up from the information YOU chose to share with them. You told us you couldnt pay rent one month and decided to give him an ad-hoc collection of electrical guides in leiu of payment. You also told us that faced with no money for food, you then attempted to try and get your mate to buy a watch he wouldn't otherwise have any any interest in. This is what you told us. You can't get irritated when people interpret the picture you've painted for them.
If what people are assuming isn't really the case, the answer is 'Perhaps I didn't explain this right' not 'WAAA PEOPLE POSTING BLATANTLY FALSE INFO'.
Show me where i couldnt pay rent for one month so gave him electrical devices instead of money because i gave him that stuff after i did the course after i moved back into my flat but just prior to when i left the country. We are talking probably 6 or 7 months from when i stayed there..i moved out aft 1 month then 7 months later leave country where i gave him some stuff.
Also if its the picture people built up on what i said why is it when i call them on it and ask where i said what they were impugning about me....i get no reply.
Also if its the picture people built up on what i said why is it when i call them on it and ask where i said what they were impugning about me....i get no reply.
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Welcome to the OcUK "superior than thou" attitude. Individuals like that have little concept of the real world and prefer to fabricate a sense of self worth by belittling others on an internet forum. Sad really.
Hope you sort out your money issues soon.
If im honest your first port of call should have been to talk to him posting on here before talking to him has opened you up to a bit of abuse as most people will see it as common sense to just talk to him first
I posted on here because i thought it was possible that i was in the wrong but couldnt see it so thought an objective view would help. I have AS so sometimes have problems communicating.
Soldato
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[TW]Fox;25601816 said:
Fox, I suggest you re-read the OP's posts. He said his friend let his stay at his house/flat for 1 month about a year or so ago, for free. This was prior to the OP doing some travelling.
And since the travelling has ended he has moved in with said friend on an on going basis.
OP offered a PS3 and a microwave to say "thanks" for the free offer of living for 1 month before OP's trip (wherever that was)
I think thats what you've had - in my peoples view your friend hasn't really done anything wrong and you'd be better placed finding a solution that doesn't involve him.
So looking into alternative sources of income, making sure you are receiving everything you are entitled to, making sure you make the most of what you have by purchasing decent value food, etc. This is far more pragmatic than trying to work out whether your mate sucks for not buying a watch and is far more likely to be useful.
Not sure moving elsewhere is the best option, it will simply introduce even more cost.
Caporegime
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Bahaha had this so many times.
Think I've got a bottle od vodka in the freezer, get home turns out to by only 1/4 left cos my housemate drank it all and a, didn't tell me and b, didn't replace it. How rude.
The best one was when I had some out of date Tandoori chicken in the fridge, he nailed it after a night out - only got food poisoning from it:/
And yes speaking from, the other side as the person who always has a stocked cupboard, yes it is so annoying when freeloaders don't do a weekly shop, don't stock their cupboard and use you as their on hand food supply.
Its not too bad if you replace the items before they are missed, but you clearly don't. You use your inability to pay as a reason to leach off others. When do you return the favour?
Think I've got a bottle od vodka in the freezer, get home turns out to by only 1/4 left cos my housemate drank it all and a, didn't tell me and b, didn't replace it. How rude.
The best one was when I had some out of date Tandoori chicken in the fridge, he nailed it after a night out - only got food poisoning from it:/
And yes speaking from, the other side as the person who always has a stocked cupboard, yes it is so annoying when freeloaders don't do a weekly shop, don't stock their cupboard and use you as their on hand food supply.
Its not too bad if you replace the items before they are missed, but you clearly don't. You use your inability to pay as a reason to leach off others. When do you return the favour?
Soldato
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I do agree that Surfer should look at finding a means to stabilise his finances a little. The friend has done nothing wrong really, other than make a promise he hasn't kept.
Surfer - it's not the responsibilty of your friend to ensure you have the means to eat etc
But I think that the trolls have waded in here on Surfer a little too harshly.
Surfer - it's not the responsibilty of your friend to ensure you have the means to eat etc
But I think that the trolls have waded in here on Surfer a little too harshly.
I take on board the advice about money matters...for me it wasnt point of the thread...point of thread was why would a friend leave someone in the lurch like they did. Could be miscommunication could wider issues he has with me. Talking to him yes i will find out. re: moving out...i would move back in with my Dad.
He's probably somewhat concerned that if he's needing to sub you money for food by way of buying a watch (implying this is a more serious money issue than just needing to borrow £20 for a couple of days) that you won't be able to afford your rent this month and he's about to start having problems with you paying your way.
The Running Man said:
Fair enough i didnt say this initially. If i ate something of his i would replace but yes it was bad of me but we sorted it out i apologised etc. It has only come up again because i have been ill so couldnt get more food in combined wirh money shortage in last few days (i basically overspent at xmas on presenta).
Sell something elsewhere and spend sparingly until you can sort yourself out, even then it might be an idea to keep going with frugality for a while..
As for your pal, best idea would just be to ask. Do it in a roundabout way if you want to avoid confrontation.
As for your pal, best idea would just be to ask. Do it in a roundabout way if you want to avoid confrontation.
Sigh. All conjecture. I have said many times in this thread he wanted the watch...how hard is it to say no i dont want it???? I can easily sell it somewhere else. I thought it would be easier to sell ro him because i genuinely dont feel well enough to trudge into toqn to cash converters for example.
never had a problem paying rent previously.
Did he really want the watch or begrudgingly offered to buy it after you'd been moaning about having no money? I suspect the latter as it would be a bit coincidental for him to decide he really wants your watch just as you happen to be short of money.
Even that implies he's got a lack of trust in you paying back a loan if he'd rather buy from you so that he had some sort of asset to offset the money.
You probably haven't had a problem before but that doesn't mean he won't necessarily be concerned by your current apparent troubles.
Even that implies he's got a lack of trust in you paying back a loan if he'd rather buy from you so that he had some sort of asset to offset the money.
You probably haven't had a problem before but that doesn't mean he won't necessarily be concerned by your current apparent troubles.
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