I think my girlfriend is suffering from depression, I need some advice

[Mynight]

See, now im interesting, more along the lines, could I stomach it? But, damn, thats a nice wage...

Agreed I was soo tempted to see about joining him but hearing some stories I decided against it so I became a sparky not quite as high of a per hour wage but I still make a killing.

I'm not 100% sure but I think you need a few liscences that are quite expensive(training) eg hazardous waste, chemicals and so on.

Sorry. Going off on slight tangent to op

The thing I can honestly say is majority of depression that isn't serotonin based is all caused by themselves. Buy her some flowers girls love flowers anything to make her smile and realise it isn't actually that bad.

 

[RedvGreen]

I like how everyone is an expert in forensics having almost studied it at University !

I work in forensics for a national team and can offer advice if you wish. Trust me your email address if you need any advice or assistance.

 

[HangTime]

Maybe a counsellor would be better for her than a doctor. I think she needs someone to help boost her confidence and a release. THank you, sir.

Tread carefully with that one. Going straight to a counsellor may be too much of a jump as it means a painful acceptance that you think she needs counselling - easy to get defensive about. Also I'm not sure how easy/cheap it is to do without a referral from a doctor.

 

[Mynight]

I like how everyone is an expert in forensics having almost studied it at University !

I work in forensics for a national team and can offer advice if you wish. Trust me your email address if you need any advice or assistance.

Sorry didnt mean to indicate I was an expert far from it. When I first wanted to do it for a career there was lots of jobs going but the csi came out and it seemed to become overly popular couldn't find many jobs(if any) in the area. Not expert just what I experienced.

 

[kindai]

Agreed I was soo tempted to see about joining him but hearing some stories I decided against it so I became a sparky not quite as high of a per hour wage but I still make a killing.

Actually, I could probably handle most things (having done biology which involved dissection of a pig, every part of it) except for vomit, its something about vomit which I just cannot handle.

Though for 150 quid an hour, i'm sure I could manage

 

[Mynight]

Actually, I could probably handle most things (having done biology which involved dissection of a pig, every part of it) except for vomit, its something about vomit which I just cannot handle.

Though for 150 quid an hour, i'm sure I could manage

Work a few nights in a nightclub mate you'll soon get over that!

 

[Hades]

I'm going to go against thew grain here and suggest that the doctor won't be able to do much. In extreme cases I would always suggest seeking professional help. But in this instance it sounds like the problem is her job and I don't think the doctor can offer must assistance other than medication or counseling which will only be short term fixes here.

Resolving her job issue and love of life is the long term solution which isn't easy of course, especially in the times we find ourselves in. So short term while that issue can't be helped I would recommend a lot of physical activity like getting her down the gym which can really improve someones outlook.

Other people may expect more of us in our lives but our lives are ours to live and no-one elses.

 

[sports_brah]

I'm sorry to hear it dude, it's certainly a tough battle.

Personally? I don't think it's depression. Sounds to me like she's an intelligent girl that feels like she is being left behind.

For this I cite two members of my family that went down the same path. If this is the case DO NOT BRING IN MEDICAL STUFF.

Seriously, nothing will be quite as damaging as thinking there is something wrong.

Be there for her, support her, make sure she is applying herself to decent extra curricular activities and make sure you keep her head up high.

I can nearly guarantee you that when she catches a break, that she'll be right as rain.

What she's living is the depression of not living up to what we've all been taught we can achieve and what we SHOULD achieve. It's unfair, unrealistic and damaging.

It isn't depression.

 

[Nix]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis

As someone who's been in the same position as her and refused to see a doctor, the rabbit hole only gets deeper.

 

[dirtychinchilla]

Wow, thank you all so much. I'm falling asleep here but will try and respond tomorrow. Gotta love GD

 

[Unicorn]

As above, I refused to believe i had depression until it got to the point of me trying to finish it. Went doctors got given medication and help for a few years. Have my down days but i couldn't believe what i actually tried to do when i sit and think about it now. Sort it before she goes down the destructive path which only ends in one thing

I couldn't feel better now really

 

[helmet]

go to doctors seek medical advice not forums advice.

Totally agree with this but want to add it sounds like she's not got enough distraction, even employed with her dream job her mind would be elsewhere. So instead of treating this as down time use it to make distraction and if it's vintage clothes or restoring vintage cars do more of it. You said yourself that she's come around a little with the new hobby, do more.

Pretty soon, when things pan out, the downtime won't be there.

There's a ton of stuff that given the time I'd love to do, I'm sure I speak for quite a few of us on here.

 

[Steampunk]

Everyone saying "it's not really depression" and "just get her busy with something" are really totally missing the point. I've been in the exact position of the OP, and although it doesn't seem something difficult to just sort yourself out, the affected person really cannot do that. They really need some proper help. Ignoring that is like suggesting that an anorexic should just eat more sandwiches, or alcoholic should just cut out the drink. Their perception of the world isn't the same as yours.

Yes, the ultimate aim is for the OP's girlfriend to sort out herself and her life, but to get from where she is now to that end is not a simple easy step. It's not something that you "just do" like popping down to the shops. She has to be helped out of the hole she's in now, where she feels isolated and alone, where even she's denying she has a problem (let alone those around her doing the same), even while she's miserable.

Understanding what's going on, and how to move forwards is what it takes, and it really can be done in a few hours of CBT spread over a couple of months, and the subsequent changes for the better in the person's life.

 

[helmet]

Your words.

Actually, not true from my perspective since I was there and for me I took on some further education, a new part time job, cut out drink and tried to learn Linux all at the same time. As a result of all that I got enough distraction for the three years which led me to the job that I'm in now, double figure service in that job now. So without saying you are wrong, I'm saying it worked for me.

 

[Hyburnate]

Tell her how great she's doing with things, tell her you're proud. Don't ram it down her throat though

 

[Narj]

Sever.

Am I doing it right?

 

[rare]

CBT pretty much saved me a couple of years ago, for a number of reasons. Don't delay it, it can and probably will help to talk. The spiral of depression needs to be broken.

 

[xxalxx]

Tell her how great she's doing with things, tell her you're proud. Don't ram it down her throat though

^ this

 

[Herman Gelmet]

I found the techniques in the Eckharte Tolle book The Power of Now to be a big benefit when dealing with the way the mind works. Understanding that we are all effectively on auto-pilot with the ego controlling us and making endless problems for us, until we learn to watch for it and ignore it. Eckharte is an odd chap but he has some techniques to help people in your GF's position. Effectively 99% of mind is ego noise and 1 % is the real you. Ego noise is the problem as it dominates/bullies the real you and leads to being aggressive/competitive/selfish/drugged/drunk/stupid/defensive/self-harming etc..

Good luck.

 

[dirtychinchilla]

Thank you everyone for your advice. I really appreciate it, and love how caring this place is.

To all those suggesting that she go see a doctor, I think that others are right saying that she shouldn't go. it might be a step too far, and the suggestion of a book I think would be great, as long as I can get her to read it. She has agreed to get a book to help her, and I have found one for helping people with depression that I'll read to get some advice. Hopefully they will be beneficial.

I'm also going to encourage her to exercise more. We actually both started running together this week, and we both really enjoyed it, so I'll encourage that more. We also play badminton together with her sister and her fiancé occasionally, so I'll try and get her doing more of that too.

With regards to work, I don't think she could stomach forensic clean up! I wouldn't want her to do that sort of job, to be honest. I know it's anecdotal, but my uncle was in the police for many years and saw a lot of horrible things. He went on to suffer manic depression and killed himself...I'd rather she wasn't exposed to that! Good luck to you though, sounds very lucrative if you can stomach it.

I will suggest that she does some sort of CBT, or at least get a book that for her that works on that basis, so thank you for that suggestion.

RedvGreen, I'll email you later. Thank you very much

Sports_brah, thank you. I think you've hit the nail on the head - very perceptive! She definitely feels that everyone else's lives around her are steaming ahead and that she's being left behind I think she just needs to be patient, but it can't be fun sitting at home all day mulling it over as she is now. I really wish she could find the right job for her skills, but I feel she's been looking at the wrong kind of thing, - desk jobs, when she's more creative than that.

To those that have spoken against medication, that's also not the route that I'd like her to take. I think she needs a confidence boost really, but I'm not sure how I can provide her with that. I do my best to encourage her, tell her I'm proud of her etc, but I think that she thinks that I'm taking the ****.

I'm encouraging her to embrace this business idea, but it hasn't got off to the start she hoped. I read somewhere though that people who are self depreciating tend to react negatively to you telling them that they're doing really well at something and that it's much better to tell them that no matter what happens, everything is a learning experience. I tried this and it actually works to some extent!!

To those that have recommended books, I'll look them up and hopefully get her one soon. I'm so surprised, and so glad, that she actually entertained the idea of reading one! Part of the problem is that she knows she needs to sort this out, and acknowledges that she's depressed, but always wants a quick fix. We all know there isn't one though.

Once again, thank you all. This community is fantastic.