I think my girlfriend is suffering from depression, I need some advice

[FoxEye]

At the end of the day aren't doctors the ones who are trained recognize such things? (maybe I'm just spoilt with my gp)

They are under a lot of pressure to prescribe drugs tho, from what I understand.

I don't consider docs to be impartial medical practitioners anymore, knowing how often the various drugs reps get to exert influence over them.

 

[Mynight]

O I really didn't know that. (off to google)

My gp made me speak to a group called "Talking Therapies" now while it may work for some it did nothing more than infuriate me. Few months later I was on meds after 2 years I came off them and still feel great.

I couldn't agree more that the vast majority are all too happy to pop a pill at the slight ache or sniffle. Hence the idea of antibiotic resistant bacteria scare the ****e out of me but thats another story

 

[Meridian]

I like how everyone is an expert in forensics having almost studied it at University !

I work in forensics for a national team and can offer advice if you wish. Trust me your email address if you need any advice or assistance.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "a national team", but as a forensic scientist of twenty years I'll have to say that unless she was very lucky the lady in question has had a narrow escape not going to into forensics. Law might be OK (but contrary to popular belief, most lawyers are actually paid pretty badly). Catch is, if she wanted to go into law then the mixed degree (rather than straight law) has probably shot that down. As for forensics, the turn-over of staff is high because it pays badly and and it's very dull. Like pretty much every job shown on TV, it's not like that. Or even close. The privatisation of forensic science has made the situation still worse, because your job security has gone as well: police contracts are generally five years, and when the contract moves at the end, everyone who worked for the old contract gets made redundant. If you've been in the job five years these days then you are a veteran. To keep costs down the private companies (realistically there is only LGC, Orchid-Cellmark, ESG and key) like to hire straight out of uni, but prefer graduates in biology and chemistry. A degree in forensics comes a poor second.


Should the young lady see a specialist? I think it's more important that she recognises that her life will not be what she planned. It usually isn't - I'd never even heard much of forensic science when I got my first job in it. It certainly wasn't what I wanted originally. But I didn't even get my degree, and so my plans too were shot down. I can't imagine this is unusual. I think the two of you need to seriously spend time planning. She's young, she can try anything, and shift jobs without anyone thinking this is odd. Try things. Try anything. Sooner or later something will click. But look forward, not back.

 

[RedvGreen]

serious question here...

how do people know they are depressed? im getting quite a few people lately asking me if im ok, if im depressed etc etc

the most noticeable one would be one of my managers asking if i wanted to see a professional to work through my "depression".

I dont feel as though im depressed though, dont get me wrong, im a little unhappy, and more so at work, because.... well... im at work. but other than that i feel fine really.

dont fancy doing much at the moment, but when i do do something i enjoy it, have fun etc etc....

I'm not sure there is an accurate catch-all definition for everyone.

Psychologically you'd be stuck in a rutt - nothing inspires you; you could be in a room with your best friends and you'd still feel lonely; you feel you're wasting your life; pleasures such as gaming/football/sports don't do it for you anymore.

Physically, you feel tired, drained and even manifest physical symptoms such as aches, pains (lymph nodes), headaches, loose bowels, no appetite (or flipside, HUGE appetite), dramatic weight change, ability to find the dour or negative side in anything, paranoia, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, inability to gain a restful sleep, loss of libido etc.

It is a very serious condition yet many people misuse the term, or self-diagnose. Please note that there are degrees of depression, and mild depression can be any of the list above, in less intense forms. Maybe your manager actually cares (very rare!) or he has been there before and recognises a change in his team and wants to help sort it before it worsens?

There is a difference to being depressed and feeling down or having a bad day.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "a national team", but as a forensic scientist of twenty years I'll have to say that unless she was very lucky the lady in question has had a narrow escape not going to into forensics. Law might be OK (but contrary to popular belief, most lawyers are actually paid pretty badly). Catch is, if she wanted to go into law then the mixed degree (rather than straight law) has probably shot that down. As for forensics, the turn-over of staff is high because it pays badly and and it's very dull. Like pretty much every job shown on TV, it's not like that. Or even close. The privatisation of forensic science has made the situation still worse, because your job security has gone as well: police contracts are generally five years, and when the contract moves at the end, everyone who worked for the old contract gets made redundant. If you've been in the job five years these days then you are a veteran. To keep costs down the private companies (realistically there is only LGC, Orchid-Cellmark, ESG and key) like to hire straight out of uni, but prefer graduates in biology and chemistry. A degree in forensics comes a poor second.

I work in Digital Forensics for a law enforcement unit covering all of the UK. You will undoubtedly have more experience (of course) than me due to being in the sticky end of biological/chemical forensics which I believe is the area that the OP's girlfriend is trained in. My experience for this girl would stem from national connections and also many success stories about people training up in Crime Scene Science (after seeing CSI:<whatever>) yet securing a role in Computing/Mobile/Digital/Cyber Forensics which is a huge growth area currently.

Much like yourself, I've found there to be a huge glut in people qualified in this degree, to the extent that it has become quite the cliché, like a 'Film/Media Studies' A-Level was. SOCOs will typically earn between £14-19k, but securing the job is the hardest part. There are so many time-served experts out there, even some with degrees that it is a hugely competitive sector where the market is skewed in favour of the employer - hence the lower salaries. Some constabularies/forces operate with skeleton staff structures - 3-4 SOCOs at a time. It is not a growth area, despite the workload seemingly increasing.

If the OPs girlfriend secured a 1st or a 2:1 degree, I would recommend looking to be a Forensic Technician for a University or college - it is a much nicer quality of life, and an excellent way to start up a great academic or training career. If she doesn't fancy that, but has skills with IT, i'd look towards taking footsteps in the direction of Computer Forensics Technician for Police, NHS, private firms (CCL, MD5, Cy4or, PwC, KPMG, Detica, most big banks etc), civil service (HMRC, SFO, NCA, MoJ, DSTL) or even the military.

 

[braveheart]

Go and see yer gp and get some advice.. may give her some anti depression pill to help, im suffered from depression since 2010 and my gp gavd me pill that help to control which very calm and back to normal but stil, using cos if without it sometime lose control.. i keep using pill that make me calm and normal.. seeyer GP first for advice..

 

[CharlieRich]

Sorry to hear that man I'd recommend anything but pills they try and give you. I know from experience they can seriously mess you up.

 

[Dis86]

Go and see yer gp and get some advice.. may give her some anti depression pill to help, im suffered from depression since 2010 and my gp gavd me pill that help to control which very calm and back to normal but stil, using cos if without it sometime lose control.. i keep using pill that make me calm and normal.. seeyer GP first for advice..

Tbh I think this post perfectly advocates why you should not have her take medication!

 

[Herman Gelmet]

(Eckharte Tolle)
many people talk crapp about him (yes he is a bit eccentric and some of the stuff is a bit out there), but his new earth book was a very insightful read for me. Made me realise a lot of my own behaviours sucked and needed fixing.

I don't like the audio books as I find his voice is just not suited to this. The paper book work well for me, although I have only read The Power of Now. I'm not new to odd reading material and I will certainly give the New Earth book a try.

 

[jumpy]

not great, but the best we have available

I know plenty of people who have taken anti-depressants when they've had bad episodes of depression, and have told me they worked wonders.

Personally, I've had depression but would never take meds for it. I think we're far too quick to take medication for everything.

I am not a mental health expert, however, so this is not advice.

Medication; trouble is a lot of people overlook that medication is not a panacea to their problems - it is just one part of a wider array of help that can include drugs, cbt, counselling, and simple stuff like looking after your diet and health and more.
Also the drugs work better for some than for others. Plus it is often the case that by the time medication is made available the symptoms of depression have been left for too long - this is partly because of patient reluctance to seek help and the ponderously slow and under resourced mental health care in the uk.
There's also what I call the drugs merry-go-round, where your GP will give you low level drugs of varying types to begin with, trying out the different types until one either 'works' or the patient fails to respond and is only then referred to a mental health professional higher up the chain.
The cycle of drugs up till that point can be difficult, building up a dose in one and trying it out for a bit, weaning off it then having a gap before the next chemical is tried. Repeat the process until something works or all the low level stuff has been exhausted.

This merry-go-round is difficult and confusing and in my personal experience takes far too long to yield any progress, often leaving the patient no better off than when they started.
Add to that the sometimes disturbing side effects that some experience when taking antidepressants... it is a most painful thing to watch happening to someone you love and being unable to help them or ease their discomfort.

If a relationship is brand new and there's all of these issues with a partner (by this I mean a diagnosed clinical depression), then be aware that this will always be a shadow over a relationship. It wont go away or get better - you will always have to deal with it. Generally such a condition defines the individual, it becomes a significant part of their life, and by extension they make it part of yours too.
If you're in it for the long haul, then knuckle down and prepare to weather the storms ahead and expect the worst, while hoping for the occasional calm sunny day to remind you what it was all about in the first place.
I know this will sound harsh (your experience may differ), but you may consider the alternative - run to the hills, run for your life. Find someone who isn't broken and doesn't drain your energy just doing life's normal stuff.

 

[dirtychinchilla]

To everyone, thank you all so much for your responses. I appreciate them very much and have read them all - quite hard to respond to them all though! Sorry for the delay in replying, as well. I've been with her all weekend so haven't had a chance.

It seemed, like usual, that the depression was a kind of one day thing. They happen every month or two, and so many of you have hit the nail on the head saying about her not progressing or her life not going as planned etc. She actually has an interview on Tuesday for a position she's not overly keen on, but could be great for her as it's a creative environment. Some sort of music events company. Also, I've been helping her loads to get her small eBay business up and running, doing graphics etc and that's made her a lot more excited about it, which means she forgets about the other stuff. It's fantastic

As far as the future is concerned, I'm not going to try and make her see a doctor or a counsellor or whatever as I think I can help her, but have got a book that I'll read to see what I can do to make her life a bit easier, as well as supporting her all the way, of course. If these things get more regular, or start to last longer, I'll start taking it more seriously, but I think she's going to be ok, especially if this interview works out for her

Thanks all, once again, for the helpful comments. Would a mod miind closing the thread for me?

Love you guys! x