So GD, I had an idea for Valentine's Day.
Obviously, this is the most important day of the year to show a girl how you feel about them. On any other day it's a bit of a waste of time really, because there's none of the hype - that's why Hallmark don't make 'Happy Not-Valentine's Day' cards, idiots.
I was thinking of getting into the office super early, then sprinkling her desk in rose petals and lightly scenting the area with flowery smells. I'm also thinking a few strategically placed revealing selfies - think laying down naked with the 'come to bed eyes' and a strategically placed teddy bear in front of my genitals (said teddy bear would also be put on her desk). I think four valentine's day cards declaring my various kinds of love for her, all signed '???' with no less than five kisses is the sweet spot. Obviously, I shall write 'S.W.A.L.K.' on the reverse of each envelope (for the emotionally stunted of you, SWALK = Sealed With A Loving Kiss).
Now, this is where the plan gets a little bit more tricky. I've managed to find a vendor in London who can supply me with a novelty cake prop that I can burst out of, complete with party poppers. I've still to work out exactly how I'm going to hide this in the office for the day before, as they won't be able to deliver early enough in the morning for me to prepare it. I was thinking maybe bursting out in a leopard print thong, with Anchor canned cream on my nipples to cover my modesty.
Now, I know most of you will probably say that the above idea is the better one simply because it is so thoughtful and different and pretty much guaranteed to end up with my smashing her pasty. But just in case, I have a back up plan of a short break away for the weekend in a house on the seaside.
Which is the better idea GD? Time is running out on booking the novelty cake, you see, so ideally I need to decide before the shop closes today.
e: video of first will be entered into the GD Z Factor, if the phone lines are still open.