Child maintenance when self-employed

deuse said:
Can you please stop coming in to other people's threads and turning them in to petty arguments. Gilly will know what I mean.
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Sorry mate, I'm not sure I do.

I don't see it as making a difference. Do you mean legally? I read it initially as morally, but I'm not sure how that changes things.
 
Gilly said:
I haven't covered the half of it :(

He hasn't seen his 10 year old son (my son now, actually, though he tried to stop him calling me Daddy when he was younger) since October. His birthday was in November and my son called him and asked him both on his birthday and at Xmas if he would see him, and he said he couldn't come over because he was busy.

The last time he was scheduled to see him but never showed we left him with his Grandma and Grandad and went to the German beer market, he'd said he had a wedding that day, but was out on the lash with his mates instead.

He lives less than 20 miles away.
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Sounds like he needs a good chap like you, mate.
 
Gilly said:
I've said much the same, but the wife is concerned that it would end up going to court and they would want our boy to bear witness to the work he does cash in hand, etc. He was always taking him out on jobs when he stayed with him.
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Gilly, how is the man turning the child against you? Are they in phone contact? Faebook? It sounds like the man wants nothing to do with his kids, so why would he be involved with them as you say? If you wants these kids to grow up healthy stop counting your pennies and bring them up as your own, and cut all ties with the biological father.
 
oulton said:
Gilly, how is the man turning the child against you? Are they in phone contact? Faebook? It sounds like the man wants nothing to do with his kids, so why would he be involved with them as you say? If you wants these kids to grow up healthy stop counting your pennies and bring them up as your own, and cut all ties with the biological father.
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Was just about to post this.

Sounds like the "father" would be happy to forget all about his kid, and that the kid would be far happier without such a negative and upsetting influence in his life.

For the sake of £20/month, ditch the guy, and concentrate on making your son happy :)
 
Gilly said:
I've said much the same, but the wife is concerned that it would end up going to court and they would want our boy to bear witness to the work he does cash in hand, etc. He was always taking him out on jobs when he stayed with him.
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You tell HMRC, they investigate.
You give them all the information you can, and you walk away, leave it at that.
If his accounts are accurate, then he earns nothing, and thus has his benefits and the payment is accurate.
If his accounts are inaccurate, it won't be you going to court, or even you hearing about court, it'll be HMRC doing their thing, on their own, leave them to it.

I for one would leave him, leave him to HMRC, and save the rest of the UK taxpayers paying for the *******.

Bring up your son, and tell your wife to bring up her son, use the lines, 'sorry your daddy is busy' anytime things are questioned, and then ignore and leave all contact with him. In doing so, he'll get a sniff something is up, and if he remotely cares will try to deal with it, if not, then you're best rid of what seems like a bad influence.

Report him, then ignore him.
 
Gilly said:
Sorry mate, I'm not sure I do.

I don't see it as making a difference. Do you mean legally? I read it initially as morally, but I'm not sure how that changes things.
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Yeh legally. I went through something similar. All you can do is be there for them and that's it.

Best of luck.

I will say that I only talked about their dad when we was alone and made sure it never got back to him.
As I knew he would use it against me.
 
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I'm in a similar boat, my other halfs ex pays nothing towards his daughters upbringing, he is apparently self employed but only cash in hand as he is completely avoiding all tax due to IR wanting him for unpaid tax from years back.

Daughter is only 8, loves him but is just starting to see the other side of him. We just keep quiet and will let her work out the situation for herself. He buys her stuff but most of it stays over there.
We've been together 4 1/2 years now and she treats me like a father but doesn't call me dad.

We adopt the approach of leave it be, he's a nasty piece of work and the only person that will suffer if we kick the dust up will be daughter. He will get what he deserves in good time. If he paid maintenance then we'd certainly be better off as a family but we don't do badly.
 
If you report him to the benefits fraud team they should investigate him properly, if they show up on his doorstep and he's at work then it'll set the wheels in motion.

HMRC investigation etc.
 
I think Gilly's and mrs Gilly's concerns here are that if they report him for the fraudulent things mentioned, it has the potential to come back in an adverse way on them.

I'm sure just reporting it and letting the authorities deal with it is one thing, but this guy, even if he has not been told who reported him, will eventually use Gilly, mrs Gilly and the children involved to vent his frustration or worse.

While some say the authorities are there to protect people, the reality is somewhat different and a certain amount of suffering usually occurs before any authority will act properly.
 
plasmahal said:
I think Gilly's and mrs Gilly's concerns here are that if they report him for the fraudulent things mentioned, it has the potential to come back in an adverse way on them.
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This is a common worry for people who get involved with law enforcement and for the vast majority of people it's unfounded.
 
Burnsy2023 said:
This is a common worry for people who get involved with law enforcement and for the vast majority of people it's unfounded.
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Conversely you'd have to be an idiot to believe most people in the police service. They genuinely do not care as long as they meet their quota or make their own lives easier.

Most sensible people want as little to do with them as possible.




Gilly, it sounds like he is a very negative influence in your life. I'm much the same as Moses here, the money isn't important, the child now has a stable relationship with two adults, is there not scope for simply moving away from it all? If he's at the formative age, then having you as a decent dad will make all the difference. You can't fight people like the childs biological father, as scum have a lot less to lose.
 
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