mates mum died what can i do to help

drunkenmonkey

drunkenmonkey

drunkenmonkey

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one of my bests mate mum has died suddenly which is a shock

she was a lovely women and good mother
at the mioment some are saying heart attack

but one of his friends say it was cancer and she died not long after
hopefully she was not in too much pain

is there some kind of gesture or thing i can do
me an a mate are going up to see tomorrow and i dont wont to say the wrong word to to him
i normally always put my foot in it


want a few pointers thats all

hope its not 2 morbid for this thread
 
My only advice here, is don't be one of the many people that don't say anything (for fear of upsetting you etc.) in these sorts of situations. Just the fact that you are there and making an effort will almost certainly be appreciated. I speak from experience here... When my Dad died, most folks seemed to feel uncomfortable round me and just sort of tried to pretend that it had not happened. I don't think anyone was trying to be nasty etc. It's just that a lot of people feel difficult etc. in this sort of situation. And this I found harder than people speaking to me about it.

Good luck. As this can be a very difficult time for all concerned.

PS. Don't be afraid of putting your foot in it. Just try and be there for your friend. That's what it's all about.
 
Just be there for your mate.

Happened to a friend of mine and I just told him that if ever he wanted to talk I was there for him, if ever he just wanted to go have a few beers and forget about I was there for him and if there was anything he needed support wise to tell me.

He appreciated it, we done the beer and forgetting thing. I never thought anything of it until a year later he out if the blue thanked me for how I was during it all.

Just be there and let him dictate.
 
Happened to me and my mates were pretty dickish to me on reflection. Avoided me didnt have much to say. I just wanted to argue or pour my heart out
Just tell him if he wants to talk to you he can.
You cant say anything wrong, be yourself, dont put your foot into anything but dont be quiet please, its so much worse.
 
It's best to just be there and like someone else said in this thread (which is excellent advice), don't be the one to distance yourself and/or say nothing. You don't need to acknowledge it directly but for them to know you care and are there for them is worth a lot to them, trust me.
 
I tell you what mate. As everyone knows its VERY hard to think on what to say/do when someone you know is going through something as horrific as this BUT I like many others have had to go through this and not so long ago. The one thing that helped me and meant a lot was getting a hug, the huger didnt even have to say a word. At the time it was what I personally needed.
 
Your friend will appreciate your presence to help keep his mind busy and Just be yourself don't behave any differently than your usual self.
 
Echoing what others have said, just be there for your mate, let him know you are there and that if he wants to talk about it or just get some brief respite from it all you are there for him.

Oh and don't forget, give a hug, they speak a million words!
 
I lost my mum 2 weeks ago to cancer. I've found it easier when people ask me about it as it gives me an excuse to talk about her, which is comforting to a degree, as it's the loss that hurts the most and somehow talking about her softens that feeling, at least for a bit.

If you're concerned enough to ask on here you sound like a good friend anyway :)
 
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