How judgemental are you to parents?

Storm3y said:
Very judgemental. No need for your kids to be playing up in public. Was in the pub yesterday trying to enjoy a meal and a few beers and all I could hear was a kid screaming because he couldn't have an ice cream and wanted to go home and his mother just kept winding him up as well. I don't agree with kids being in a pub anyway.
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See, that's totally missing my main point. Kids play up in public, that's just a fact of life, I don't have an issue with that, even in a pub. What I do take issue is how the parents deal with it. Shouting obscenities at a kid full volume in the face is not a solution.
 
Burnsy2023 said:
See, that's totally missing my main point. Kids play up in public, that's just a fact of life, I don't have an issue with that, even in a pub. What I do take issue is how the parents deal with it. Shouting obscenities at a kid full volume in the face is not a solution.
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Yeh kids do, but this went on for about 40 minutes, I ended up moving seats. If I played up in public my mum or dad would have give me a good smack.
 
bartledvd said:
I feel your pain i have 3 autistic boys and often look like a right idiot sat on floor in middle of street talking things through going over our plans on tablet. although it always makes me smile watching Alfie shout at the wind or rain
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Wow you have my respect 1 child with autism can be an absolute nightmare at times I can't imagine 3 you must have your work cut out for you

how old are they
 
First off, as far as I know I'm not a parent.

However, my graduation year is a mix of people who were not necessarily 'good' people who have become good parents and vice versa. Becoming a mother or father can change a person for the better and I've seen first hand how wrong your judgement of a person can be once they achieve one of those two epithets.

From a slightly more personal perspective, my Ma and Pa have been through a tsumani of stuff* that would have ended, I reckon, probably more than 90% of marriages and they have never been unfaithful to one another. Case in point, even at their ages they still act like a pair of lovesick teenagers all_the_bloody_time. So for me, to even consider parenthood, I know I'd have to be with somebody who made me feel like them.


* - I wanted to use another, far more graphic word that would have earned me an infraction or ban. Properly, evil, vindictive, nasty 'stuff.' The kind that destroys lives in one fell swoop.
 
Antony101 said:
The fact that in a country like this everyone but the person responsible foots the bill.
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What are you talking about ? Do you personally foot another parents bill ?

If you dont agree with the system, dont blame parents or kids, you obviously have no humanity. Maybe you should move to china ?

Is this really a big problem compared to the total population percentage ?

I dont believe the state should control parents.
 
Luke said:
Sterilise all kids at puberty and only reverse it when they have proven themselves to be responsible and prepared financially.
Harsh?
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Translation: only nice middle-class people like should be allowed children. None of those horrible poor people being parents.
 
I was a very young parent (not by todays standards of course) and my upbringing was miles apart from what my partner had (hers was a loving caring family and I'll leave it at that).

Anyway it took my a long time to come around to her way of thinking that hitting kids was not the answer etc (call it smacking or whatever at the end of the day you wouldn't get away with slapping some one in the street so I don't understand why people think it's ok to hit children)

Education is the way forward...teaching people to be good parents is what counts.

It is very hard to break that circle of bad parenting when the new parents have come from that back ground.

As to the "benefits" side of things yeah some people are just scum and they are the ones that are highlighted in the news and documentaries etc but are they the majority? I don't think so. Poverty is rife in this country and it's not easy living on the bread line with no future prospect etc.
I know many will cry "It's there fault" etc and "Sterilise them at birth" but that's showing ignorance on there part to!

Just my opinion of course :D
 
Burnsy2023 said:
Some may say that since I'm not a parent myself I shouldn't judge, and perhaps they are right, but I do; all the time. I judge when I see mothers screaming at their 3-4 year old to shut up. I judge when I see parent constantly swearing at and around children of any age and I judge when I see parents that don't care or simply give up when their children are single handedly committing crime sprees sometimes as young as 10 or 11. I judge when I see houses that are dirty, untidy and a health hazard. I judge when I see parents spending out on lavish birthday presents for their kids yet they don't feed them anything remotely nutritional or keep their clothes clean.
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There's a massive difference between your first example and the following ones.

The first is quite possibly just a parent getting to the end of their tether with a child (try as I might, sometimes I end up raising my voice with my kids and they are masters of winding us up), whereas the others seem more like bad/neglectful parenting.

There's nothing wrong with judging parents, even when not a parent, so long as you bear in mind that what you see may not be the entire picture. Even as a parent then it's incredible dangerous to judge other parents because all children and families are different.

In your position then you're far more likely to be seeing the less wonderful side of people (or even the less wonderful side of society) so your experiences are not necessarily the norm in your area :)
 
dymetrie said:
In your position then you're far more likely to be seeing the less wonderful side of people (or even the less wonderful side of society) so your experiences are not necessarily the norm in your area :)
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You're right, I do often see the extreme end of the spectrum, an extreme that many people don't see. That's largely what spurred this thread.

I went to a property that had around 6 children inside ranging from around 7-8 to 15. I was searching the property for stolen items as two of the 15 year olds were on a crime spree. When you search a house you get a good idea of what it's like to live there.

Now I have a certain level of sympathy as it was just mum there (dad is in prison and will be for the foreseeable), looking after 6 children can't be easy for anyone. With that said, the place was dirty, very dirty. It's clear they were very much in poverty, but even the poorest people can clean. The kid's sheets hadn't been washed in a very long time, the place was cold and mouldy. I felt sorry for anyone who had to live there.

The kitchen also told a story. The cupboards were full of crisps, chocolate and cake with that pretty much being the only thing there. Perhaps we just came on an odd day, but I doubt the kids are getting everything they need to be healthy.

Despite this, they had a large flat screen TV and 3 brand new bikes for the children's birthdays. I know that the older boys are probably going the way of their father and will be difficult to bring back to the light, but there were a pair of young girls who were swearing every other word, probably because that was what mum was doing. On top of all that mum wouldn't come to the Police station to act as an appropriate adult as she stated "she's given up".

The whole thing makes me feel how I usually do in these situations: sad. Sad for mum who obviously isn't equipped to cope and sad for the young kids who are living in a toxic environment in so many ways. How can they break out of the cycle when they've got no positive role models to aspire to?

I see this all the time and I'm aware it's a minority, but should it be a minority that perhaps needs an intervention?
 
That's real sad Burnsy :( I don't know what the answer but I suppose it's how it's always been in society?
 
I'm a moderately judgemental parent of two daughters, one at Uni and the other starting this year.

Kids will always play up in public as they constantly push they boundaries you set for them.

Some times ignoring them when the throw a wobbler and appearing to walk away (while keeping an eye on them) helps them realise that they're in the wrong.

However, there are two types of parents I see that make me think they're storing up trouble for later:

Modern parents: Either let their kids run riot because they "don't want to stifle their development with rules" or engage in a conversation with a 3 year old as to why they shouldn't do X which has about the same effect as reading the user manual for your lawn mower to your cat.

Couldn't give a toss parents: Seen in shops, pubs and restaurants all over the country. Completely content to allow their offspring to run riot as they appear to lose all interest in and concern for their kids once the little hooligans are 5 yards away.
 
Don't judge, if you think you can help then do something, otherwise leave alone.

When you see someone you don't know, you have no idea what is going on in their lives, people who assume they are superior are just as bad.
 
I don't think breaking up families is ever a good solution, it is always the last resort and only when children are in physical or psychological danger. I think in the states they break up families far too easily and have distorted incentives in the CPS industry.

Poor parenting is something that is only possible to get rid of over a long period of time. By removing the risks of parenthood and offering financial incentives to have children. People have children where otherwise they might not have. I think by starting to phaze out the child benefits and welfare would be the only way to remove the incentive to have children irresponsibly. It would not solve the problem completely as people will still have children irresponsibility but when they know there is no satefy net and they will be forced to look after the children. Now only will the requirement of responsibility be put on to them and potentially force them to change their mind or never go down that route completely. But if they do go a long with it, they will be forced to be responsible for themselves, which will have the effect of improving the quality of parenting.

The problem that would create would be the remaining irresponsible parents that have children when they can't even look after themselves financially or practically. Which i think is a less of a problem than a multi generational dependant irresponsible underclass.
 
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