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Usher

Usher

Usher

Soldato
Joined
30 Dec 2004
Posts
3,426
Location
Worcestershire
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 61 year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever Had a Sportsman's Double.
'What's that?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
I said, 'No,' - excitedly.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'.

I went back to her place.

Then she put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mum, you still awake
 
Jack and Jill both worked at factory which was facing tough times.

One morning the manager approached Jill and said;

"Unfortunately I'm going to have to lay you or Jack off"

to with Jill replied;

"You had best Jack off, I'm too tired"
 
Drove into the back of a car this morning :(

Pulled over and out jumped this dwarf, he said "I'm not happy"

I said "Well which one are you then?"
 
I was walking down the street earlier and this bloke threw some butter and then a bottle of milk at me!

How dairy.
 
Two cows in a field.

One says to the other "So are you worried about this mad cow business then?"

The other cow replies "Doesn't affect me mate, I'm a helicopter!"
 
Usher said:
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 61 year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever Had a Sportsman's Double.
'What's that?' I asked.
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
I said, 'No,' - excitedly.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'.

I went back to her place.

Then she put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mum, you still awake
Click to expand...

That's actually funnier if you read each paragraph as a separate joke.
 
A few jibes at religion:


What do you get if cross a Mormon with a Unitarian ?
Someone who knocks at your door for no particular reason.



A Buddhist approaches a hotdog vendor and says ' Make me one with everything'.
The Buddhist hands the vendor a 20 dollar bill and waits while he munches. Nothing happens. So the Buddhist says 'What about my change ?' to which the vender replies 'Change comes only from within'.



I'm often surprised at atheists who name their sons, Christian. Surely a better name would be Godfrey.
 
Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it....
 
5 or 6 blokes were beating the life out of the mother in law yesterday my neighbor saw and asked if I was going to help... 5 or 6 should be enough I replied :p


I've often wanted to drown my troubles... I just can't get the wife to go swimming!


If Quizzes are Quizzical what are tests?
 
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