Single dads - What's your agreement?

[Ripper]

Out of interest really, how often do you see your child and how much maintenance do you pay?

I know a single dad who lives 35 miles away from his child. Every week he picks him up on a weekday evening and brings him back the next night, and gets him every other Sunday (picks him up morning, and brings him back evening). He pays £300 per month (agreed between them).

Is this about right? I know every case is different but is it generally more or less than would be granted in court? (In terms of time and money). The child is nearly 2 for reference.

Any advice would be welcomed.

 

[holymonk]

Depends on salary but seems in line with CSA.

 

[window]

I think its a percentage of salary

 

[Tefal]

Shame that the automatic assumption is a single dad only sees his kid a few days a week and sends a cheque

we really need to sort it so that the mother doesn't just automatically get the kid cause shes a woman.

 

[Terrier_Jimlad]

Seems about right, they take 3 things into account

1) Her income
2) Your income
3) How much time the child(ren) spend with you

 

[badcompany]

depends on salary. i think its
1 child 10%
2 = 20%
3 or more == 25%
The more nights you have him/her sleep over the less you need to pay.


i had my son every friday/saturday for 7 years and then he lived with me full time and now she pays me nowt.

 

[Crowort]

I don't know about the money side but that is a bit like how I used to spend time with my dad. I was older and at school so the week night was just a meal then home. I would see my dad every Sunday and every seconded weekend I would stay overnight at the Saturday. I'm not sure if my parents decided that or if it was a suggestion of someone. Looks like it is fairly standard to me anyway.

 

[shauncr91]

Shame that the automatic assumption is a single dad only sees his kid a few days a week and sends a cheque

we really need to sort it so that the mother doesn't just automatically get the kid cause shes a woman.

Agreed, the one-sided approach to parenting and marriage is a primary reason that I'm reluctant to have/do either, if it goes belly up it all favours the woman

 

[cheesyboy]

Shame that the automatic assumption is a single dad only sees his kid a few days a week and sends a cheque

we really need to sort it so that the mother doesn't just automatically get the kid cause shes a woman.

They don't do it like that anyway. It's mostly based on who is prime carer. That happens to be the mother usually, but it's increasingly the father may be prime carer.

We've not had many tabloid stories of working mothers with crap access and maintenance payments because it's just not a story the public wish to hear about (news is a consumer driven business, after all)

 

[MadMan-JaMeS]

i get paid £900 every four weeks and pay £160 for two kids,

i see them every thursday all day but right now don't have nowhere for them to sleep overnight

 

[wez130]

Seems about right, they take 3 things into account

1) Her income
2) Your income
3) How much time the child(ren) spend with you

No they don't, the parent that the child lives with could be a millionaire, it wouldn't make a difference to the maintenance payment from the non resident parent.

 

[Ripper]

Is what I stated in terms of time spent with the child generally fair? Or harsh/generous?

 

[Participant]

Gawd I hope I never get divorced, flipping nightmare.

 

[Bickaxe]

I overpay like the majority of other fathers. CSA needs to be dissolved and started again in a more fair way.
Having worked out what I should be paying to what they think, I am owed over 3k for the past 10 years. It falls on deaf ears though so my only contact with them now is by letter.

I have no problem paying for my kids, provided its fair and correct.

Due to the distance I live from them, I rarely get to to see them

 

[badcompany]

my ex just spent any money I gave her on booze and drugs.

 

[wez130]

I overpay like the majority of other fathers. CSA needs to be dissolved and started again in a more fair way.
Having worked out what I should be paying to what they think, I am owed over 3k for the past 10 years. It falls on deaf ears though so my only contact with them now is by letter.

I have no problem paying for my kids, provided its fair and correct.

Due to the distance I live from them, I rarely get to to see them

The CSA have been dissolved and replaced by the CMS. Whether they are fair or not remains to be seen.

 

[Jez]

The mandatory amount seems absolutely comically low? I just went through the calculator. Christ, i would voluntarily pay a lot more than that

https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance

 

[Xordium]

Shame that the automatic assumption is a single dad only sees his kid a few days a week and sends a cheque

we really need to sort it so that the mother doesn't just automatically get the kid cause shes a woman.

Agreed. One of my mates is a male children's nurse, his wife (now-ex) is a lawyer, he does the majority of the childcare (naturally) and always has done she seems to not have a clue how to deal with kids tbh although is a nice enough person. Guess who got custody ... wonder if that would have happened the other way around.

 

[j_walsh]

wow £280 a week

 

[porushinobu]

we really need to sort it so that the mother doesn't just automatically get the kid cause shes a woman.

This!!! I am not a father, but I can imagine what its like to have them ripped away from you, rarely seeing them and then having to pay to see them (technically). I would gladly give the money regardless, however I agree with you Tefal in that it should work both ways, there should be allowances to let the father have the kids. In some relationships its the mother that is the abusive one, although I am not saying in any way that abuse is the sole reason for breakups lol.