Life just took a divebomb - 8 Years down the pan.

Glaucus said:
For 99% of people it will not make them feel better, maybe for 5seconds. It makes people feel worse in even the medium time.
And it's a really stupid thing to post in this thread. He's emotional. It's upto friends or in this case internet to talk some sense. and not reinforce his negative thoughts, with something that will make his life worse.

Pretty shocked you posted that.
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krooton said:
I'm surprised at you condoning physical violence!
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Sometimes people deserve a punch on the nose and sometimes it does make you feel better.
 
Yep, as said above, I'd be inclined to just let her go. In fact, I doubt I'd want any further contact with her at all.

It sounds to me like she had been cheating on you. Even if she hasn't been, it does sound like she has legged it for a sexy holiday with someone else. I wouldn't want her back after that alone, let alone her lack of respect for you to the point she just left you a note of little substance.

I would be taking this one on the chin. You still have your health, and a good job. Look for a cheaper place to stay if you can't afford to remain where you are. Or look for another place to stay anyway, to cut out a lot of the memories. Not ideal, but a change like this could be exactly the right sort of medicine.

It'll be tough, no doubt, but take your time, and concentrate on your cracking job that you love. Your personal life will sort itself out in time. It's just a waiting game for now. There will be another one along soon enough and you'll forget all about this episode, and feel all the better for it.
 
Elixir said:
And the rest of the time it can get you into a lot more trouble and make things a lot worse.

Ignore the playground "punch him" advice.
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Exactly, it won't make you feel better when you are hauled into a court room for assault.
Ignore the idiotic posts.
 
As much as a good beating of the chap might feel good, it'll definitely make things infinitely worse. Not to mention that the guy isn't necessarily at fault. You were not dating him.

Truth be told, you've been "going out" with this girl for 8 years. There's no real permanence.

Aside from all of that, its definitely for the best. This could be infinitely worse, you could have children together, or an acrimonious breakup involving assets.

She's shown you her true self, saving you possibly even greater heartache later on.

You've just got yourself a great job, you seemed so happy about it in the other thread. Use this as a momentum to springboard yourself further. I guarantee you these **** feelings will pass and you'll move on from it.

Don't give her the satisfaction of breaking down/begging etc. No woman will respect a man who doesn't have an element of pride. Not to mention that she's the one that's stuck the knife in....

Move on and be happy making your life yours. :)
 
Glaucus said:
Exactly, it won't make you feel better when you are hauled into a court room for assault.
Ignore the idiotic posts.
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Again, to some people it may be worth it. Don't assume you know how a person might feel about the consequences of their actions.

In all seriousness, just find another girlfriend or try a few. It takes two to dance the tango and she ain't dancing so find someone who will.
 
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Castiel said:
Again, to some people it may be worth it. Don't assume you know how a person might feel about the consequences of their actions.
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And don't be such an idiot and post such crap to someone who is in an emotional state, and your idiotic comments can push that emotional state, to **** up their lives. What an utterly stupid stance you are taking, in a thread where it can cause real damage, what a disgusting person you are.

Think before posting and what reinforcing such negative feelings can and do lead to. It's not the time or thread to post such things.
 
I knew someone like that several years ago, out for a fancy weekend away, nice hotel, great food, excellent nights out and great sex, a week later telling blatant lies to your face and going off with other men.

Quiet simply they were evil, selfish and very much do what they want at any cost. Best advice, avoid like the plaque. You'll be thankful for it in the long run.
 
Thanks for all the new replies, you guys speak a lot of sense, but as you know in this position nothing makes sense, even though I couldn't trust her I can still see myself wanting her back.. Not that she would ("gone for good").

Gixer said:
Time will heal and as others have said move on and really do forget her. It won't be easy considering your situation but please try otherwise you will just cause yourself more hurt in the future.

You mention that you can't afford the place you're in on your own. How many bedrooms is it? If you have a spare room rent it out to someone, problem solved :) This would also solve your being alone issue too.
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Two bedrooms furnished £650 month. The second bedroom is my music/computer room. I can afford it alone but it seems a lot of money out of my pocket compared to the half rent I was paying. Especially considering the flat has depressed us both in recent months, we wanted a fresh start anyway with a decent place closer to station. This flats become a bit rundown.
 
Castiel said:
Sometimes it can. Like I said, you shouldn't be assuming how a person feels just because that's how you feel.
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I didn't claim that it can't make someone feel better, but it is inarguable that a lot of the time it will make the situation a lot more complicated, and for that reason it is not worth doing.
 
David_VI said:
Thanks for all the new replies, you guys speak a lot of sense, but as you know in this position nothing makes sense, even though I couldn't trust her I can still see myself wanting her back.. Not that she would ("gone for good").



Two bedrooms furnished £650 month. The second bedroom is my music/computer room. I can afford it alone but it seems a lot of money out of my pocket compared to the half rent I was paying. Especially considering the flat has depressed us both in recent months, we wanted a fresh start anyway with a decent place closer to station. This flats become a bit rundown.
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In that case, move out, fresh start for yourself, new surroundings etc. Do the world of good and it will also give you something to occupy your mind with during the new few weeks/months.
 
Castiel said:
Again, to some people it may be worth it. Don't assume you know how a person might feel about the consequences of their actions.

In all seriousness, just find another girlfriend or try a few. It takes two to dance the tango and she ain't dancing so find someone who will.
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For someone who is dogmatic in picking apart everyones posts, this is pretty **** writing.

You're basically condoning someone going out, committing assault whilst emotionally distressed, and just after they got the dream professional job they wanted.

And then rubbed it in with a healthy dose of promiscuity. Nice...
 
MadMossy said:
I knew someone like that several years ago, out for a fancy weekend away, nice hotel, great food, excellent nights out and great sex, a week later telling blatant lies to your face and going off with other men.

Quiet simply they were evil, selfish and very much do what they want at any cost. Best advice, avoid like the plaque. You'll be thankful for it in the long run.
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Well I like to hope that nothing was going on until now (if it is now). I can imagine them talking for weeks and it coming out how shes unhappy and such, each time she talks more seeds are planted and one day she decides to go.. Guy helps, and then the going away 'to get away from it so you can think' when really this guy has liked her before so any thoughts of him just being a good friend I think are absolute rubbish even though thats what her friend told me.
 
Glaucus said:
And don't be such an idiot and post such crap to someone who is in an emotional state, and your idiotic comments can push that emotional state, to **** up their lives. What an utterly stupid stance you are taking, in a thread where it can cause real damage, what a disgusting person you are.

Think before posting and what reinforcing such negative feelings can and do lead to. It's not the time or thread to post such things.
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I'll post what I like and perhaps you should read what is posted rather than assuming I was giving advice to the OP rather than contesting your sweeping judgements about how an individual feels.

You are pretty disgusting assuming this chap doesn't have the sense to know how he feels and what is right to do in his situation, are you so superior in your life that you can sit in judgement of others on your self imposed pedestal of self righteousness?
 
MadMossy said:
In that case, move out, fresh start for yourself, new surroundings etc. Do the world of good and it will also give you something to occupy your mind with during the new few weeks/months.
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Yeah, I've already emailed the landlady because I don't even have a clue about the contract, my gf dealt with all the bills and flat.. I really do need to learn.

I'm terrified because in a weeks time I have two weeks off work. I am pretty scared of that amount of time alone. But it might be a good time to get my parents to help me fix up the flat so I can move..
 
Just lol. You are posting in an emotional thread reinforcing such thoughts. You shouldn't assume people in emotional states have such clear vision. You're always talking about your job, you should know this.
No where have I said anything about how high and mighty my life is.
 
Elixir said:
I didn't claim that it can't make someone feel better, but it is inarguable that a lot of the time it will make the situation a lot more complicated, and for that reason it is not worth doing.
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And I didn't claim the OP should do it or that it wouldn't be complicated or foolish. I was countering Glaucus and his self righteousness in assuming he knows how an individual might feel about consequences and actions.
 
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Women mate, society has turned them into constantly monitering their own lives, if something isnt ticked they think their whole life is bad and should change it - i.e. they never happy in my experience, always over thinking, which leads to this, sorry to hear it mate, shes a selfish idiot, it will go wrong for her, in these situations it always does, dont take her back though.

PS make sure her entire family knows she ran off with some guy, shame her, she deserves it
 
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