This x1000!
Life just took a divebomb - 8 Years down the pan.
- Thread starter David_VI
- Start date
This x1000!
****** be crazy.
Seems quite clear what has went on with her work colleague. As others have said it's probably for the good as if it wasn't him it would have been someone else in the future maybe after marriage/kids.
If you're suffering from depression still I'd try working on overcoming that as best you can before looking for someone else. It's not going to be easy after what has happened but try and see it as a turning point in life to focus on and meet someone better.
If you don't already try doing some exercise, it's great for clearing the mind and making you feel better afterwards for a few hours.
Seems quite clear what has went on with her work colleague. As others have said it's probably for the good as if it wasn't him it would have been someone else in the future maybe after marriage/kids.
If you're suffering from depression still I'd try working on overcoming that as best you can before looking for someone else. It's not going to be easy after what has happened but try and see it as a turning point in life to focus on and meet someone better.
If you don't already try doing some exercise, it's great for clearing the mind and making you feel better afterwards for a few hours.
Guys. Honesty time..
I thought I was doing well. Your replies have helped. however since being at work tonight I think shock has ended and it's finally hit me.
I'm crying for the first time since the first day and feel extremely hopeless. I messed up loads at work tonight., nothing safety critical but it could have been. My whole life is on the line because of this.. Concentration messed up even when I've been trying so hard to focus.
I now have to walk home in the dark and fog through fields.. My body wants to shut down and be done with.
��I thought I was doing well, being positive.
What the hell how?!
I thought I was doing well. Your replies have helped. however since being at work tonight I think shock has ended and it's finally hit me.
I'm crying for the first time since the first day and feel extremely hopeless. I messed up loads at work tonight., nothing safety critical but it could have been. My whole life is on the line because of this.. Concentration messed up even when I've been trying so hard to focus.
I now have to walk home in the dark and fog through fields.. My body wants to shut down and be done with.
��I thought I was doing well, being positive.
What the hell how?!
Soldato
- Joined
- 8 Jan 2009
- Posts
- 4,590
David, I know you are working, but is it possible for you to take some time off, go spend some time with family like return home to Mum/Dad or maybe a Brother or Sister?
You need to escape to cool down and sort yourself out or your mind will run riot.
You need to escape to cool down and sort yourself out or your mind will run riot.
I'm home now.
I have two weeks off after next week. I was dreading them because of being alone with nothing to do. I am considering traveling a bit with my free/75% off rail travel, friend up north a friend down south.
Still it's a week away and i'll have seen her before then so no idea's how better or worse this will be.
I feel slightly better now home, it seemed to be short intense despair but I feel like a tool for posting earlier. Idiot.
Made myself amused a bit.
I have two weeks off after next week. I was dreading them because of being alone with nothing to do. I am considering traveling a bit with my free/75% off rail travel, friend up north a friend down south.
Still it's a week away and i'll have seen her before then so no idea's how better or worse this will be.
I feel slightly better now home, it seemed to be short intense despair but I feel like a tool for posting earlier. Idiot.
Made myself amused a bit.
I like how you assume the new guy she's seeing even knows she was in a current relationship, sometimes people won't even say anything and some how they deserve a beating. I see and hear about this happening all the time.
It could well be all her doing.
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Well he must have known if he was going to help her escape from me. Plus when she started at the job everyone there knew she was my other half.. She started the job the day I left.
There's a great quote about revenge from Marcus Aurelius which is as applicable today as it was >1800 years ago. I don't know which of the various different translations I've seen is the most accurate, but the general idea is clear - the best revenge is to not be like the person who has harmed you. It was true then, it's true now. If you act as badly as or worse than someone who has harmed you, you've degraded yourself and given them a justification they can use for their own actions if they feel any guilt over them. So you're helping them and hindering yourself...how does that help you? It's not even revenge, really. It's instinct. It's understandable. It's stupid and counter-productive.
You're probably wanting answers. It's almost certain that she's been thinking about leaving for quite some time and planning it for at least weeks, but it's completely unexpected for you and you don't know why. So you'll probably want to ask her why. The problem is...what would be the point? Even if she did give you an answer (and she's already written that she won't), what reason would you have to believe it?
It's over. She left you in her head some time ago. This wasn't a spur of the moment decision she wasn't really sure about. She chose, she planned and she carried out that plan. Even if she did come back...back to what? Back to her wondering why she came back after choosing to leave. Back to you wondering every day if you're going to come home to an empty flat and a note again. That's not a good life.
When you've been wounded, you can either keep poking at the wound or you can clean it up, patch it up with a plaster or bandage or stitches and keep it clean while it heals. Poking at it makes it take longer to heal, makes infection more likely and makes scarring worse. What it won't do is make the wound disappear. It never makes the wound disappear. It's clearer and simpler with physical wounds, but the general idea applies to psychological and emotional wounds too.
Clean it up - sort out the practical stuff like possessions, rent, bills, etc, and remove any of the trappings of the relationship that no longer exists. The physical ones are the easiest, e.g. photos or anything else with associated memories. Bin them or at least give them to someone you trust who won't give them back until you're over it. You were already thinking about moving out of the flat you shared with her. That's a fortunate thing - more cleaning up the wound. If you live somewhere else, you won't live in a reminder of her. The mental cleaning up is rather more difficult, but it'll be easier without physical stuff that acts as reminders.
Patch it up - divert your attention into other things. You've got a job you want and which pays well - that's an excellent start. Find other things for when you're not at work. Make a new habit of something. Exercise is usually a good idea. Is there anything else you've wanted to do but haven't? Learn French. Learn Klingon. Learn ballroom dancing. It doesn't matter what it is you're doing, just that you're doing something and not picking at the wound.
Keep it clean - If you find yourself thinking about it, stop. Do something. Work out. Go out and walk somewhere. Watch something funny or interesting (but really watch it - if you do something that's not physical, you can easily slide into thinking about it again). Drive to the shore just to look at the sea. Dance around like a lunatic. Make something. Do some gardening. Just do something and do it wholeheartedly. Even if it's making a 20 foot long collage of My Little Pony images. Well, OK, maybe not that
Dude! Stop thinking about it be glad that she left.. She probably wasn't worth it anyway! You just need to move on! There's plenty of fish in the sea 
another chick will come along and that'll be it.. As I've said before, be glad she pulled out now! Before kids, mortgages, cheating etc!
be glad that she left.. She probably wasn't worth it anyway! You just need to move on! There's plenty of fish in the sea another chick will come along and that'll be it.. As I've said before, be glad she pulled out now! Before kids, mortgages, cheating etc!
Who cares? What are you suggesting? The guy is going through an incredibly rough time and you just want to jump in and say something like "your gf of 8 years left you for another man suddenly and without warning and it's all your fault?". Regardless of what factors led to her leaving, she should have talked to him about it instead of just jumping on some dude's ****.
I like how you assumed I was telling the OP to do anything in the first place. It amazes me that people can't seem to comprehend even the simplest of contexts even when it's laid out in simple form before them.
As for the chap knowing, perhaps you should read the thread more closely on that as well.
I have no problems with hitting people, but I wouldn't do it over a woman.
Really not worth it.
OP just needs to go out flashing some of his extortionate train drive wedge over the next couple of weeks and he will be swimming in pussy even if he looks like Gordon Brown.
Really not worth it.
OP just needs to go out flashing some of his extortionate train drive wedge over the next couple of weeks and he will be swimming in pussy even if he looks like Gordon Brown.
Soldato
- Joined
- 19 Oct 2008
- Posts
- 6,064
Easier said than done but try to move on ASAP. The world is massive, there are plenty of good people out there. Life is also short, so try not to dwell on the past.
I noticed you mentioned you both used to get a bit depressed. It's worth trying to attract someone who is opposite in that respect as it can be produce a more balanced life/thought process.
My advice. Don't be horrible to her even if your thoughts have changed, and don't be hateful to the other person involved, if there is one - it's not really their fault.
Not read the entire thread, but it always makes me laugh when women especially tend to jump from a partner to another one. Why not move out and live alone for a while if unhappy in current relationship? The psychology involved makes me think they'll struggle to find a life long happy relationship
I noticed you mentioned you both used to get a bit depressed. It's worth trying to attract someone who is opposite in that respect as it can be produce a more balanced life/thought process.
My advice. Don't be horrible to her even if your thoughts have changed, and don't be hateful to the other person involved, if there is one - it's not really their fault.
Not read the entire thread, but it always makes me laugh when women especially tend to jump from a partner to another one. Why not move out and live alone for a while if unhappy in current relationship? The psychology involved makes me think they'll struggle to find a life long happy relationship
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I like how you assume he was assuming that you were assuming what he assumed you were assuming.