If you see a penny out of her I'd be extremely surprised.
Life just took a divebomb - 8 Years down the pan.
- Thread starter David_VI
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If you see a penny out of her I'd be extremely surprised.
mate be very careful you don't end up "on the hook" here do not wait for her do not sit around hoping shell come back set it in your mind that it is over for good and you don't want her back.
get on with your life and go be awesome.
get on with your life and go be awesome.
Many of the posters will be reflecting on their own bitter experiences, doesn't mean your situation will go the same way.
Going from my own three break ups (It's me not them obviously : ) every time it's a lets be friends scenario which ends up arguing over everything from money to teaspoons, best of British to you.
Going from my own three break ups (It's me not them obviously : ) every time it's a lets be friends scenario which ends up arguing over everything from money to teaspoons, best of British to you.
You seem like a decent sort of guy from the way you come across. But to be honest all I took away from your above post was her trotting out the old "it's not you, it's me" chestnut.
I could be out of order here, but I'm going to say it anyway: that's a whole load of ******** to be laying out on someone you just spent 8 years with.
I won't say she's been behind your back (I don't know the situation well enough), but she sounds like she's less than honest about her reasons for leaving. If she's a proper crazy, the chances are that she doesn't know the reasons herself, just that it's how she feels it's right for her (and sod how it impacts you).
My personal experience of an individual with a serious mental heath issue was that she would say and do things to get a reaction out of me, then tried to manipulate my feelings when she left by saying one thing then doing another, all wrapped up in a bundle of self pity, like she was sooo hard up for having to choose to go.
For many reasons I'll not explain again here (I'm sure there are some posts of mine still here on the forum about dealing with a significant other with a mental health issue), I think you will be better off forgetting this woman and looking after number one until you feel you are comfortable enough in yourself to enter another relationship on a more sustainable and equal footing.
Just my opinion, mind.
Bruises on the knees and elbows... amiright??Bet she could barely walk.
Dude listen up and listen good! You have simply taken a bride from the wrong tribe. There are two tribes you see scum and non-scum. Walk away now calmly and do not look back.
You know i always laugh when women do this, Either she is naive or she is lying. With my ex the first thing i did when we met was walk in and clear out those sort of guys. Who hang on and are always on the phone or sending messages they are just too scared to make the move so they hang on hoping. She may not of touched them but she is sending signals just by being that close. Is she going to be this close to them when you are married or engaged too lol? I bet if you ask them to "back away calmly" like i did you will suddenly see them get desperate and make moves.
I counted two of them who took boxing stances and pointed it out to her. And once it was confirmed they were left taking boxing stance versus a couple which instantly blew them out. Who are all these damm guys anyways? She sounds incredibly insecure and needy and i am going to be honest but those kinds of birds sleep around a LOT and lie.
Her fault? Spidey sense is tingling here. Again ask up front about other men and if you want her back that much lay down some rules and give her a week to decide. If not change the bloody locks and gain yourself some pride back mate.
You know i always laugh when women do this, Either she is naive or she is lying. With my ex the first thing i did when we met was walk in and clear out those sort of guys. Who hang on and are always on the phone or sending messages they are just too scared to make the move so they hang on hoping. She may not of touched them but she is sending signals just by being that close. Is she going to be this close to them when you are married or engaged too lol? I bet if you ask them to "back away calmly" like i did you will suddenly see them get desperate and make moves.
I counted two of them who took boxing stances and pointed it out to her. And once it was confirmed they were left taking boxing stance versus a couple which instantly blew them out. Who are all these damm guys anyways? She sounds incredibly insecure and needy and i am going to be honest but those kinds of birds sleep around a LOT and lie.
Her fault? Spidey sense is tingling here. Again ask up front about other men and if you want her back that much lay down some rules and give her a week to decide. If not change the bloody locks and gain yourself some pride back mate.
All girls have a few hangers-on. Every single one of them. These guys get friend-zoned, but still hang in there on the off-chance.
She doesn't sound insecure and needy - she sounds depressed and like she's having a hard time with life right now. I can almost guarantee she hasn't touched this other guy. It all seems like a mini breakdown to me.
I got a lot of replies I expected. All I can really say is I agreed with most of you until I saw her today. I wanted to hate her and do the tough thing but it would have solved nothing.
The fact she could turn up and we could just chat without her just trying to get away or being cold aswell as the fact we weren't trying to get each other back surely says something about the relationship and how well we know each other (apart from the obvious).
It's not like we're back together!
My plan at the moment is to go on alone, learn independence, become a better man and maybe considering what we had we can see each other again, just to see what happens. Come say Jan/Feb next year we'l have been independent and not living together for around 5 months. We've both never been alone for long at all so who knows what will happen. I think it's for the best as I do genuinely care for her even though she has done this. Mainly because I know it wasn't with malice or to hurt me.
She seemed genuinely happy I was doing okay, the house looks clean/tidy, i've been cooking for myself, washing etc. The way some of you spoke was as if she'd hate to see me like that.
I just figured best be honest and not pretend to feel any particular way and it seemed to work for both of us.
Yup died t'other week so we put it in the freezer (Yeah it sounds weird).. Our garden is gravel so we bury them in plantpots with a flower or something.. We've had quite a few hamsters.
Exactly.
Shes never really got over her dad dying. Never properly grieved as well as the depression thing. She said she can just switch off feelings.. She is not well and not relationship material until she sorts it out. If it weren't for her problems she'd be marriage material, everything else about her is spot on for me.. So thats frustrating.
The fact she could turn up and we could just chat without her just trying to get away or being cold aswell as the fact we weren't trying to get each other back surely says something about the relationship and how well we know each other (apart from the obvious).
It's not like we're back together!
My plan at the moment is to go on alone, learn independence, become a better man and maybe considering what we had we can see each other again, just to see what happens. Come say Jan/Feb next year we'l have been independent and not living together for around 5 months. We've both never been alone for long at all so who knows what will happen. I think it's for the best as I do genuinely care for her even though she has done this. Mainly because I know it wasn't with malice or to hurt me.
She seemed genuinely happy I was doing okay, the house looks clean/tidy, i've been cooking for myself, washing etc. The way some of you spoke was as if she'd hate to see me like that.
I just figured best be honest and not pretend to feel any particular way and it seemed to work for both of us.
Yup died t'other week so we put it in the freezer (Yeah it sounds weird).. Our garden is gravel so we bury them in plantpots with a flower or something.. We've had quite a few hamsters.
Exactly.
Shes never really got over her dad dying. Never properly grieved as well as the depression thing. She said she can just switch off feelings.. She is not well and not relationship material until she sorts it out. If it weren't for her problems she'd be marriage material, everything else about her is spot on for me.. So thats frustrating.
Seriously after I knew the truth I knew she was still the girl I knew before and I knew her well. She is no way the type to mess people around with regards to money on purpose or in malice.
She's even agreed with the landlord she will pay half the rent till the tenacy ends aswell as offered to pay for the gig tickets i'd bought as they were obtained with deceit knowing fine well she was leaving.
Obviously I don't know her, but this sounds like utter horse **** to me.
Good luck to you.
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Glad to hear your doing okay.It does feel like a roller coaster of emotions,you'll have your ups and down day,it does get better,as you start to find yourself again.spending 8years of life with someone and sharing everything with him or her,will feel like your only half of what you were,you need to put the other half back for yourself. What you must realise,and I can absolutely guarantee,is she has been cheating on you.She has been having sex with this other guy,and maybe even sucking him off right now.I promise you if you do your investigations on her you'd find her with this guy,he'll be trying to spend as much time as possible with her...
On a big positive..if you totally ignore any texts she sends in the next 2 months,she will come back and try it on.Especially if she sees you have been working out,in new clothes,maybe with a female chick on your arm. It kills em..then you can choose what you wanna do.
If your needy,and gullible, too trusting that you are believing all her ********,she will forever walk and comeback. You need to change into a stronger version of yourself now,you need to learn from this,and if you do ever see her or meet her or even get back together,she knows you've changed,and that everthyings changed.I could go on....and on just now get out there,friends,family and start enjoying life,and focus on females other than your ex!
On a big positive..if you totally ignore any texts she sends in the next 2 months,she will come back and try it on.Especially if she sees you have been working out,in new clothes,maybe with a female chick on your arm. It kills em..then you can choose what you wanna do.
If your needy,and gullible, too trusting that you are believing all her ********,she will forever walk and comeback. You need to change into a stronger version of yourself now,you need to learn from this,and if you do ever see her or meet her or even get back together,she knows you've changed,and that everthyings changed.I could go on....and on just now get out there,friends,family and start enjoying life,and focus on females other than your ex!
Agree with most of the posters here... Highly unlikely she is as innocent as she says. The money promises reek of guilt to me.
I would bet every penny I have that in a couple of months time she will want to get back with you or 'try again'. Say no. Be strong. Don't ever go back.
I would bet every penny I have that in a couple of months time she will want to get back with you or 'try again'. Say no. Be strong. Don't ever go back.
Don't make excuses for someone leaving you like that. Just because 'it wasn't done with malice' doesn't mean it is not a totally ****** thing to do. It's a situation you should never let back into your life.
Denial is generally the first stage, so I guess we shouldn't be too harsh on you fella.
Like McBain said; Good luck to you.
Denial is generally the first stage, so I guess we shouldn't be too harsh on you fella.
Like McBain said; Good luck to you.
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She's told you a version that's all sugar coated with love that she still has for you.when you met her for this latest time,you were her puppy dog,lapping up all her lies,she was explaining it in a way you could understand without upsetting you too much.
I'm telling you this now,if you had a half decent relationship over 8 years,and did get on with each other and relate to stuff most of the time,she will want you back. She May be getting good sex off this other guy at the minute,but mostly that's because it's new meat for her,but if you ignore her and don't reply to any texts etc she will want you back.it usually happens within 1-months,but you have to ignore texts like....I'm really missing u now..don't know how your feeling? Xxx
Whether you take her back after what she has done to you is entirely up to you.there is no right or wrong.some people move on some get back together..some break up...but the real magical relationships get through these things and stay together
chin up fella
I'm telling you this now,if you had a half decent relationship over 8 years,and did get on with each other and relate to stuff most of the time,she will want you back. She May be getting good sex off this other guy at the minute,but mostly that's because it's new meat for her,but if you ignore her and don't reply to any texts etc she will want you back.it usually happens within 1-months,but you have to ignore texts like....I'm really missing u now..don't know how your feeling? Xxx
Whether you take her back after what she has done to you is entirely up to you.there is no right or wrong.some people move on some get back together..some break up...but the real magical relationships get through these things and stay together
chin up fella
Woah there boy, I said, I said Woooah son!
I've stumbled accidentally onto this thread and have read the whole thing, not because I was interested in the comments tbh but because I'm in Colchester and lived in Ipswich Rd for some time when I worked at the Hospital there.
I'm in no way decrying or belittling the OP's decision to post on here, I just think there were/are better forums for this discussion than on OCUK. You're just not going to get decent 'relationship' advice on a random website devoted to computers, let's face it
Umm - I certainly haven't helped LOL
PS I suffer from depression and other mental health issues and have been in The Lakes twice (OP will know what that means)... it really makes these situations even more fraught and difficult to decipher, especially by well-meaning but unqualified outsiders with no real interest in the long term outcome.
I've stumbled accidentally onto this thread and have read the whole thing, not because I was interested in the comments tbh
but because I'm in Colchester and lived in Ipswich Rd for some time when I worked at the Hospital there.I'm in no way decrying or belittling the OP's decision to post on here, I just think there were/are better forums for this discussion than on OCUK. You're just not going to get decent 'relationship' advice on a random website devoted to computers, let's face it
Umm - I certainly haven't helped LOL
PS I suffer from depression and other mental health issues and have been in The Lakes twice (OP will know what that means)... it really makes these situations even more fraught and difficult to decipher, especially by well-meaning but unqualified outsiders with no real interest in the long term outcome.
I'd also just like to add that, as obvious as this sounds, we're only hearing one side of the story - no offence to OP but we can't be judge, jury & executioner on the other person involved without knowing a heck of a lot more about the situation, something that is not going to happen of course...
I'd be more than willing to meet up with you Dave if you really need to talk things out - but as I said, none of us are experts and there are no end of services available that could be of more assistance. I could certainly point you in the right direction but at the end of the day this is down to you alone - how you deal with it will define your character for the rest of your life (no pressure)!
I'd be more than willing to meet up with you Dave if you really need to talk things out - but as I said, none of us are experts and there are no end of services available that could be of more assistance. I could certainly point you in the right direction but at the end of the day this is down to you alone - how you deal with it will define your character for the rest of your life (no pressure)!
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I'm not, since I don't know either of them and I'm not involved in any way.
I think what she told him is definitely plausible and in the absence of any contradictory evidence I'd pencil it in as probably being true.
Where abouts are you? Might be good as i've got too much time of work to sit around alone thinking.
Thankyou, all we did was have an honest conversation with no bullcrap (as I see it). It's not like she was trying to get back with me, or I was trying to get back with her.
Dave keep your chin up bud, you'll get through this. We can only offer guidence and support, however it's always your decision. I personally would try move on, go out make friends get a gym membership, Take up a hobby. Just keep your self active!! And if it's meant to be it will be!
All the best bud!
All the best bud!
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Id make damn sure that the she is chatting comfortably with you for the reasons she provided, and not that she has cheated on you and is relieved to have gotten away with it without having her guilt exposed.
Lol, such beta! I pity you. All this horse crap about it being amicable and it's not your fault, etc etc, aww boo boo baby. You need to toughen up and grow balls because this world is going to have your pants down for the remainder of your life if you don't. Nice guys never come out tops.