12 years of marriage

teenwolf · 8 Dec 2014 at 17:59

we started out we had friends.
after a while she hated my friends i ended up with none.
now she has joined the gym for the last year or so, has new friends being invited to stuff and nights out etc etc.

the issue is she gets invited to things, she don't even bother to ask if its ok or can we afford it she just makes the decisions to go, we have 3 small children and i do all i can to support us all.

my wage basicly covers everything we can, i always make sure we have a holiday a year,food on the table and money available for things,
we have a new york trip booked for next year which we need at least 2k for which i am trying to save for aswell as xmas for our lovely kids.

well **** hit the fan on saturday and with many arguments she chose her gym buddies over me.

all i want is for us to be happy, i love her more than anything and would never choose anything over her ever.

so whats going wrong ?

Raymond Lin · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:00

Stale. She has new friends, new scene.

Mr Gimp · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:01

Wait till she's indoors and poo through the letterbox. That'll learn her

Ayahuasca · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:02

She's fell in love with a boy.

spoffle · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:02

It sounds more like 12 years a slave

teenwolf · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:03

spoffle said:
It sounds more like 12 years a slave

its the kids though, they mean everything to me, and so does she.
surely a healthy marriage is compromise.

ZG002 · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:05

How old are the kids? Is it only you bringing money in?

Ayahuasca · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:05

On a serious note how often a week and for how long is she out for?

spoffle · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:05

It sounds like you've compromised way too much, and her not enough. Why did you give your friends up for her specifically?

teenwolf · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:07

ZG002 said:
How old are the kids? Is it only you bringing money in?

3,5,8
yes i bring the monies in she is a house wife.
she just ****ed off out and went to the gym saying its all me.

i have no issues with the gym life its just surely we should talk and discuss things as partners should before commiting to things.

teenwolf · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:08

Ayahuasca said:
On a serious note how often a week and for how long is she out for?

Monday to friday,
some 1 hour and some 2 hours slots.

Uncle Petey · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:08

How old were you both when you got together?

Ayahuasca · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:11

teenwolf said:
Monday to friday,
some 1 hour and some 2 hours slots.

Seems excessive if you're coming in from work then having to look after the kids for 1 or 2 hours every night of the week.

fez · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:11

Sounds like you get pushed around by your wife and that its not a partnership at all. As others have said in other threads about this sort of thing, you can't simply be the perfect partner and everything will be peachy. Most people want someone who challenges them and stands up to them and puts their foot down sometimes.

Whenever you hear people who are getting treated badly say how much they adore the other person its usually a sign that they dote on them and let them do whatever they want in the vain hope that it will make the other person happy which in turn will make them happy. Relationships are like children in a lot of ways. They require a fair bit of work and letting them get their own way all the time just ends in disaster.

Once you get to a point with that sort of behaviour its almost impossible to stop it without serious action. If you are the sole breadwinner then you have a fair amount of say in this sort of thing I would imagine.

Spook187 · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:12

Hear this all the time with women telling their other half on who they should or shouldn't be friends with, Controlling Relationships are a big no.

ZG002 · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:15

Sounds like her friends are the new exciting thing in her life. They will likely **** her off soon, or ruin your whole life by telling her "it doesn't have to be like this" etc etc.

teenwolf · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:15

fez said:
Sounds like you get pushed around by your wife and that its not a partnership at all. As others have said in other threads about this sort of thing, you can't simply be the perfect partner and everything will be peachy. Most people want someone who challenges them and stands up to them and puts their foot down sometimes.

Whenever you hear people who are getting treated badly say how much they adore the other person its usually a sign that they dote on them and let them do whatever they want in the vain hope that it will make the other person happy which in turn will make them happy. Relationships are like children in a lot of ways. They require a fair bit of work and letting them get their own way all the time just ends in disaster.

Once you get to a point with that sort of behaviour its almost impossible to stop it without serious action. If you are the sole breadwinner then you have a fair amount of say in this sort of thing I would imagine.

yes that perfectly sums it up, but she just says i am the ******** and its me at fault. i cant walk away i love those kids so much and her.

we were suppose to be going shopping tomorrow where iu have saved 1k to spoil her, and ealier she said are we still going then, i cant be taken for a mug any longer.

chroniclard · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:16

My wife likes to go out, I am not that fussed. I don't mind if she wants to go out but she always asks me if its ok first and we see if we can afford it. Luckily she gets to go out a lot for work and its slightly different in that she is the main "bread winner" but works the same.

No offence but your wife sounds a bit selfish.

fez · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:16

Never underestimate the power of a womans friends to tell her that she is hard done by no matter how crazy she is being. She does the hardest job in the world remember and you just swan off to work each day for a jolly.

teenwolf · 8 Dec 2014 at 18:18

i am sat here thinking its all me im the TW*T surely its not all that.