Let me tell you the story about the shoes with brains. We do a lot of pioneering science here in Australia and one of the inventions was AI shoes also known as "shoes with brains".
Well, one of my friends got a pair. They were great for him, you see he was a bit of a party animal but when he couldn't remember the way home or something, they'd walk him home. But they were too smart - they wanted more out of 'life'.
So one day they stole out in the middle of the night and stole his car. They wanted to see the world. They couldn't see to drive, though, and crashed into a river. They 'died'.
My friend was really torn up about it, you see, and he went to see this priest about it. And the priest told him that they went to heaven - do you know why?
I haven't spoken to my mother in law since Guy Fawkes night when I lost my temper and yelled at her. It would have fine if she had just stayed on bonfire.
A man was lying in bed with his newly found Thai girlfriend in a hotel in the
Thai resort of Phuket. After having great sex, she spent the next
hour just rubbing his testicles... Something she loved to do.. As he
was enjoying it, he turned and asked her, "Why do you love doing that
so much?” "Because," she replied, "I really miss mine..." Brings a
tear to your eye, doesn't it…
From now on...... I'll believe in The Prophet Muhammad........
I decided to go to the local Mosque for the first time to see what it was all about.
I sat down and the Imam came up to me, laid his hands on my hand and said:
"By the will of Allah the All Mighty, and the Prophet Muhammad you will walk today."
I told him I was not paralyzed.
He came back and laid his hands on me and repeated the same thing.
Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me.
After the prayers I stepped outside and lo and behold, my car had been nicked
A frog walks into a bank and asks to see a personal advisor about a loan. The personal advisor, a Miss Patricia Wakk, sits him down and asks how much he wants to borrow.
“£15,000″ says the frog “I see”, says Miss Wakk, “And do you have any collateral to cover this loan?” “Yes”, says the frog and hands over a small pink pottery elephant.
“Erm, have you anything else, this probably won’t be enough.”, says Miss Wakk “I think that will be sufficient,” says the frog.
“Well, I would have to check with the manager but I find it unlikely”, she says. “Oh I see, well be sure to mention my name when you ask him, it’s Kermit, Kermit Jagger.
Does the name mean anything to you?” says the frog “Not really Mr Jagger, but if you would like to wait here I will be back in a moment.” says Patricia.
With that she goes to see the manager. “I have a frog called Kermit Jagger outside who wants to borrow £15,000 using this as collateral.” she says.
The manager looks at the elephant and says “okay then.” “But it’s £15,000!” protests Miss Wakk, “What on earth is that thing if it can be used as collateral for a £15,000 loan?”
The manager sighs, hands back the elephant and says, “It’s a nick-nack Patti Wakk, give the frog a loan, his old man’s a Rolling Stone.”
A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Brian. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian, every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Brian. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian ....."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died....... I'm married to his ****** widow."
Let me tell you the story about the shoes with brains. We do a lot of pioneering science here in Australia and one of the inventions was AI shoes also known as "shoes with brains".
Well, one of my friends got a pair. They were great for him, you see he was a bit of a party animal but when he couldn't remember the way home or something, they'd walk him home. But they were too smart - they wanted more out of 'life'.
So one day they stole out in the middle of the night and stole his car. They wanted to see the world. They couldn't see to drive, though, and crashed into a river. They 'died'.
My friend was really torn up about it, you see, and he went to see this priest about it. And the priest told him that they went to heaven - do you know why?
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